The Traffic Stop Confession

If getting pulled over by the town’s finest men in blue were on my New Year’s resolution list…..then I would be a resolution GOD!!

Almost 2 weeks in and I have already been accosted by the flashing lights in my rear view mirror twice. By the end of the year they may all be driving brand new cruisers due to my diligence in breaking the law……and getting caught.


I have been sober for over 6 years now. The last year or so I have has a current drivers license. I drove for the first 5 years with a license that was expired since 2002.

Don’t judge me….at least it was mine.

During the “expired time” I was never pulled over while driving.

After paying close to $1000 in back warrants I was able to get current on my license.

No more long haired stoner eyed picture… it’s the receded hair lined clear eyes picture.

Now story-

I have been pulled over 4 times in the last year or so. The first 3, I was let off with a warning.

Then came today….

I was driving along (minding the speed limit), when I came upon a stop sign.

I slowed to a kinda close but not really a stop and kept going.

It was a residential area….no pedestrians.

As I was halfway through the intersection I happened to look to my right and “Mr. 5-0” was coming up on the other stop sign at the 4 way stop.


He walks up to the side of my truck and says,

“Afternoon, sir. I stopped you because you failed to stop at the stop sign.”

I replied, ” I guess my cool no look drift through didn’t impress you, huh.”

“No sir, it did not…..but the smile on your face when you first saw me was pretty comical. License and proof of insurance, please.” He said with a smirk.

“Touché…here you go.”

He returns to his vehicle to check out my “status” in the system.

Upon returning to my vehicle he has the ticket awaiting my signature in his hand.

He hands my stuff back along with his ticket pad and a pen.

Then he asks the million dollar question……

“You ever been in any sort of trouble before?”

I thought for a second before answering……maybe 2 seconds….then replied.

“It depends on what you mean by “trouble”…..I used to skip school, does that count?”

“Now that you are over 40?…no. Trouble with the law, sir.”

“Oh that…..yeah you could say that I have been in trouble.” I coyly stated.

Him-“You want to tell me about it?”

Me-“I really have to get to work…can I get back to you on this one.”


Me-“ok. You asked for it. I have been off felony probation for about two years.”

Him-“Really…that’s a shock. What did you do?”


Him-“Dead serious.”

Me-“Ok…I was busted for felony theft, and felony possession.”

Him-“What did you steal and what drugs?”

Me-“Come on, man!….wait are we on Cops? I haven’t even signed a waiver…” I looked out past the officer, waved and said, “Hi Mom!” And looked back at him.

Him-“Answer the question.”

Me- “Crap, I got busted with 4 grams of coke and 4 grams of ice…..but I was high on so much more. Exstacy, acid, weed, booze….lots of booze …oh yeah and nitrous oxide. I stole a $10,000 watch, some gold cuff links…a few coins…and someone’s checkbook. Man what a time! But that was in Dallas. Since I have been here I have been on the straight and narrow….look here’s my sober chip.” I said as I pointed at the chip hanging from my rear view mirror.

Him-“You are quite the model citizen…you mind if I search your vehicle?”

Me- “Hell no! You gonna call in the dogs? That would be sweet!…you need to cuff me while we wait for them? I’m game for that!”

Him- “You are way too excited about a car search. You’ve told me the truth haven’t you?”

Me- “Yes sir. But you can search my ride if you want I have nothing to hide.”

Him-“That won’t be necessary. Remember to stop at the stop signs please. Have a good day.”

He stuck his hand in the car, I raised mine to his. He gave it a confident shake and went back to his car.

The truth does set you free…..who would have thunk it?



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