It came as quite a shock
The day the music ceased to amplify
Radio turned to static
Streams all ran dry
Nature went on mute
Society missed the notes
Instruments untouched
Lyricist without anecdotes
Record players without needles
Cassettes all unwound
Walking through a wasteland
A world without sound
The silence is deafening
Quiet layed bare
No more distractions
When trapped in a soundproof lair
Reset the frequency
Fine tune the pitch
Scale back the noise
Allow harmony to exist
Each day is but a candle
Spark the wick to set alight
The hours slowly pass
As the flame sways left to right
Melting wax hardens into memories
Every kiss every fight
Another day another torch
Is placed upon the last
The raising of a lifes statue
The template has been cast
The flame keep burning for the future
The wax entombs the past
I talk a lot of nonsense.
Sometimes I try to pass it off as fact.
How do I know that they know?
Yeah…thats the look.
Even Stella knows when I’m full of crap….
Eventually, I will learn how to pass off what I think I know to those whose dont think I know and then we will all know that I’m in the know….
Ya know?
What a strange word….
Embrace the silence
For the moments are few
Allow the sun to unshadow the land
To drip away the morning dew
Beckon the wind
To rustle the branches
Gaze beyond the sea tides
To seek out second chances
The years will move fast
The seasons depend on change
This reality goes beyond mere vision
Universal time ticking away on the Earths small stage.
Sifting through the memory bank
Of what was to what is
Deposits and withdrawals
Of what is left to take, nothing left to give
Overdrafts on promises
Checks bounce like an alibi
Looking back through statements
The teller handles the verify
Savings and expenses
Dollars and sense
Swimming with a lone
To not drown in mental debt
My siblings and I are at the age where we all have to keep tabs on our Mother.
She is over 80 now.
She lives with my younger brother in Colorado.
I live in Texas.
I have another brother in another part of our expansive state.
I have a brother in Vermont.
Lastly, I have a sister in the Big Apple of NYC.
Big family.. all spread out.
Yesterday, I received a text from my sister-
“Have you talked to Mom lately?”
“Yeah, I talked to her a couple of days ago… Why?”
“Shes kind of slurring her words and having a hard time with sentences…”
“Ok, I’ll check on her when I get off work.”
“Thank you. I’m just worried shes old you know.”
“Yeah, I got it.”
So…..
I get off work and call my Mom-
Me- hey Mom, just checkin in what’s going on?
Her- nothing just hanging out with your brothers daughters making cookies having a good time…
Me- your daughter called me and said you were having problems talking last time she talked to you. Is everything ok?
Her- Huh? I just talked to her this morning about going up to see her and to get arrangements set for flights and all. I was half awake when she called and didnt have my teeth in yet.
Me- You…didnt…have..your…teeth…in…
Ok. Shes a moron.
Family…sometimes I just cant sink my teeth into why they cant get all the information before jumping to conclusions.
Uggh.
I’m so tired after this last week that even my insomnia have given up.
The road of good intentions is riddled with alleys and byways that lead to distractions.
I’m a show me dont tell me kind of person.
I’m also a pessimist.
My wife told me last friday she was going to start drinking alcohol again.
She showed me.
For the last week she has drank progressively more each day and started earlier each day.
Last night as I was 3/4 asleep she told me-
“I’m going to finish this bottle of wine and then I’m done drinking”
Show me….dont tell me.
Why the sudden change?
Not sure.
Could be the aid of friends talking with her about it…
Could be she probably wont have a job after today…
Could be the fact that I got angry with her.
Why did I get angry?
Thursdays we have the opportunity to spend a few hours with our grandkids.
My son drives into town, picks them up and brings them over.
When I got home from work, I asked if they were coming over.
She said slurringly that they were on the way.
She was drunk.
I told her to go to the bedroom and lock the door. I didnt want the grandkids to see her like that.
I then called my son. He declined to bring them to the house.
I’m proud of him.
My wife said she didn’t plan on getting drunk…..
She showed me that 2 1/2 bottles of wine between 1 and 5 will in fact ensure that she was drunk.
She also showed me that getting drunk was more important than spending time with her son and grandkids.
Show me dont tell me that I’m 2rong in my assessment.
We will see what happens.
The daylight releases its gentle hold
Into the waiting arms of darkness
The warmth of the rays slowly choked out
By the grip of dusk dragged into emptiness
The flowers hold their breath
Leaves stop in vein
Pedals lose their color
Trees embarking in bane
Creatures of night awaken
To stalk their unaware prey
Howls in the distance
The pack having their say
The wind scurries through valleys
The rivers run without sight
The temperature drops, the darkest dark
Happens just before light
Sweat on the foliage
Sunrise peaks through
Another cycle of time
Brings hope anew
My life’s ever changing.
With that occurring I am having to change along with it.
My wife has starting drinking again.
I have not.
I am not used to being around alcohol anymore. I am having to get used to it.
To prevent myself from the possibility of ditching sobriety I have made a decision to go back to recovery meetings.
I dont want to go back.
But…
I need to.
I hate to go back for all the reasons I left years ago….
The main one being it’s a God based program.
I’m not a believer in gods.
But….
I need to.
I know the program works.
I need to remain sober.
My needs outweigh my wants.
Like I always tell myself-
“Either roll with the changes in life….or get rolled over by them.”
Good2begone 