Good2begone

I'm not really here.

Month: September, 2014

Yin Yang Bang Bang


Just like the old saying goes-

When the wife is away, the husband will redecorate.

No….that’s not it.

Maybe it’s this one-

A happy wife needs a happy home and to make the home happy the husband needs to redecorate.

I don’t know what it is…..

What I do know, is my wife is gone for the weekend. I’m taking that time to change some stuff.

Without authorization or supervision.

I can’t speak for any other husbands…I can barely stand up for myself….but I usually have a quite extensive list of “honey do’s”.

Being a tradesman in the remodeling and construction business makes that list even longer.

Why?

Because being infected with that talent and skill set means that this question will always come up from the other wearer of the ring-

“How come you always have time to make everybody else’s homes look great but ours hasn’t changed?”

The answer I keep to myself is-

“Because they pay me.”

Notice I keep that to myself. I may be a smart ass….but I am not dumb.

Here is our front room.

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It hasn’t been changed since before we got hitched, over 5 years ago.

As I said, she is away for the weekend. My stepson is staying at his Dad’s for a while and my stepdaughter was doing her drill team duties for Friday night football and wouldn’t be back until almost 3 in the morning.

Instead of taking the opportunity to sit around in my underwear all night replaying the “Risky Business” scene all night,

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“Just take those old records off the shelf….”

I decided to reap some havoc and dally with the color scheme of the main room.

It was time to-

“Add some fab to the drab”

As any decorator knows, the colors don’t really matter….It’s the name of the colors that do the talking.

I decided to pick out names that spoke to each of my sides…my yin and yang.

My masculine side chose “antique tin” for use on the accent wall.

My anti masculine side chose “French silk” for the main color of the room.

And what do ya know….

YIN YANG BANG BANG

By 2 am, it looked like this-

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(Chihuahua is real…not for decorative purposes)

Just like the old saying goes-

One small step to make the wife happy.

One giant leap for husband kind.

G To The On


I have been the past participle of go (gone) for quite some time.

It has been good……

Coincidentally, those statements sum up the name of the blog….in a non word crime kind of way.

I initially wanted to call the blog-

Good2bethepastparticleofgo….but it took way too many backspaces and autocorrect deletions to get it done without blowing out a brain vein.

To avoid unnecessary visits to the neurologist I went with gone.

Regardless of how the blog came to be….dust has begun to settle on the homepage.

I guess I have been waiting on Lassie to come by to tell me that my blog has fallen into a well and needs help.

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Well…

I have a small version of Lassie as a pet, but she is old….blind in one eye, going blind in the other, has 1bum leg and is more concerned with licking the floor than giving a damn about anything else.

So that’s probably not it.

A day became two, which ran into a week, which rolled in another.

Gone.

I have no idea where the time went (irregular simple of go).

During my time away from this post office, I have been constructing.

Upper decks-

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Lower decks-

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The decks have been stacked against me.

In my off time, instead of blogging, I sit on the sofa and stare at the walls.

Every once in a while, my wife will sit next to me and wipe the drool off my chin.

Simply irregular past participally….

Gone.

Instead of going farther gone I’m gonna get a grip and get going on getting the gears grinding and get gooder at being good2begone.

Gracias.

This post was brought to you in part by the letter”g”……

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And a rooster playing tag with a dog.

Irish Coughing


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An apple a day may keep the doctor away…..but it won’t stop U2 from invading my iTunes library.

good2begone

The Flash Card


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A broken clock is right 2 times a day….unless the hands are broken off…..then it’s just a flash card that counts to 12 in a circle…repeatedly.”

good2begone

Pole Position


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Some people need a sign from above to remind them of the hazards of consuming alcohol and driving.

Some, need an additional sign to remind them that adding excessive speed to that equation is also quite hazardous.

Some….

need to transform their 1/2 ton joyride machine into a taco shell by wrapping it around a sign post to receive the same sign of the hazards of combining drinking and driving…with a lead foot.

A 23 year old male needed choice number 3.

He will get the chance to make that choice again……

Probably a lot sooner than anyone in the community would like him to….

Seeing how he walked away from the crash with almost no injuries.

Toxicology reports are pending to determine if his alcohol level was over the legal limit.

No reports needed to show his common sense level was way below the minimal limit required to make decisions.

Accidents happen.

Accidents like these are 100% avoidable.

Avoid them.

Gel A Tin


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Combining words into anything that resembles……well…anything, has become harder than nailing jello to a tree.

And I have tried.

I just seem to stand in front of the tree…hammer and nail in one hand, jello mold jiggling in the palm of the other, wondering….for hours on end….

How long will the cursor continue to blink before it slides off the screen like the jello at the base of the tree?

Instead of looking like a lunatic by scraping jello out of the grass, I just go about my day.

Another day or so goes by and I eventually return to that tree with a longer nail, bigger hammer and a different flavor of jello made with a little less water and gelled for a little longer….you know to make it stronger.

And what happens?

The cursor now blinks in different colors…..at the base of the tree…..which is now attracting ants.

That are devouring my ideas (the jello) which won’t stick to the tree (the screen) that I can’t seem to transfer from my brain to my hands (the hammer and nail).

The tree still blinks.

The hammer is still full of jello.

The nail is just waiting for it all to come together to have the ability to combine the words that will resemble something about anything.

Until then….

It’s still good2begone.

Framing The Johnson’s


I have always been amazed at the lengths people go to in order to get some.

How the evolution of dating has progressed from what it was to what it is now is quite perplexing to me.

I have been out of the dating scene since I began courting my wife over 6 years ago.

We don’t believe that dating others is very good for our relationship. We found each other and have no need to search any longer.

It really works for us to concentrate on each other. It avoids LOTS of uncomfortable conflicts…..and lawyers.

Anyway,

At some point, during the advancements of mobile technology, someone came up with the great idea that sending pictures of their johnson would be awesome.

And a new thing was created-

The penis pic.

I’ve read about them in blogs and news stories and such and wonder…..

Is there a glamour shots for this?

I mean…you can’t just take a picture of your penis and send it to random women and expect that to work.

I suggest, to those who choose to take this path of mobile meat and greet, to take the time to do it right and showcase more of yourself when you are showcasing your manhood.

Here is how you could let her know that you are not just a penis but also sophisticated and artsy-

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Or…

Despite your small stature, taking charge is what you do!

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Or…

Let her know your stylish side by representing your manscaping skills-

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Lastly when all else fails, show her you are not only manly but have a humorous side as well.

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Good luck in your dating adventures.

And remember,

Nothing really ever gets deleted.

Dumb…Da Dumb Dumb…..DUMB


Me-“Hey..weather man….what’s our chance for rain here in Texas?

Weather man– “Not very good….”

Me-“You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?

Weather man– “I’d say more like one out of a million.”

Me-“So you’re telling me there’s a chance… YEAH!

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Reworked quotes taken from Dumb and Dumber.

Weather is actual forecast for the area I live in.