Insert title here

I couldn’t even think of a title for this, I have no wordplay, metaphors, or witty jibberish today.

No humor

No lists

Nada

People die. There it is. That is all I can come up with.

Went to a funeral about 2 weeks ago, and another one 2 months before that.

Coming up this week, 2 funerals on 2 consecutive days.

People die, but life goes on.

I know that it is the end result of life. I know that their suffering is finally over. I will go and mourn their passing and also celebrate the life that they have lived with the people who knew them much better than I. Life will go on.

My eyes and heart just can’t take seeing my wife and step children cry anymore. And yet I will.

Keep your faith. Whatever it may lie in.

Enjoy your life and the ones that surround you to make you whole.

Live. Love. Laugh. Cry. Feel.

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Idiomtastic

There is always a “light at the end of the tunnel”.

I don’t know who is the Wizard of idioms who came up with this gem but it got me thinking about what it means to me.

Tunnels are not my favorite places to be hanging out in. But if I ever did I would make sure that the lighting was adequate for he purpose of my stay. It would require substantially more than a light at the end of it.

They are typically dark, musty, and a little bit on the freaky side. 6 to 8 legged creatures reside in them and are not too happy to have visitors. Not to mention rats. I have never seen a tunnel rat, a sewer rat or a subway rat but I have read enough stories in the news about them to keep me away from tunnels.

If I were to be in a tunnel and saw a light at what I perceived was the end of it I would not be walking nonchalantly toward it knowing that eventually I would get to it. I would be running toward it, screaming like a 12 year old schoolgirl, arms failing, chest heaving, rat dodging, cobweb breaking, eyes wide hoping the light would get bright enough to signal the end of it, please get me out of here without peeing my pants kind of fear in my head.

Not a very masculine picture I just painted………at all.

Please Mr. Idiom man please make an amendment to this and make it

” there is a light at the end of the amply lit no creepy crawly living in it hallway”.

Encouraged to apply?

Fm radio does not have the listeners it used to. In the age of satellite, XM and Sirius, Pandora, iPods, and Internet music choices, they have become the minority of the business. I have always been a radio guy. I like local Radio DJ’s and local coverage and the like.
Where I live the variety of stations is limited.

Talk radio

Bubblegum pop

Country

Christian

Classic rock

That’s about it.

As I headed to work the other day I was listening to the classic rock station and a commercial came on. When a commercial is on one station they are on all stations so I left it. It was an ad asking for applicants to apply for jobs in marketing and sales for radio and web advertising. It gave standard requirements like

Energetic

Goal oriented

Sales driven

Blah blah blah

As I was about to change the station. One sentence was uttered that blew my mind.

Minorities and women are “encouraged to apply”.

Ummm….huh?

Now….

I may live in Nowheresville, USA, but last time I was allowed out of my bubble I was under the impression that we as a country were past all of that.

I very much dislike the term minority when talking about people. I am not a fan of separating women from men in terms of abilities. In the context of that ad this is what I heard.

We will only hire white males for these positions. Legally we have to have the jobs open to all. So…..please ladies come down and apply. Be sure to leave your apron at home and put on your prettiest bonnet “business dress” and heels and go through the motions. Additionally any “person of color” may come down but please do not bring your doo rags, sombreros, chopsticks, turbans, or any other stereotypical type clothing or attitudes with you. We are a reputable business and we will not stand for it. We state this because we have to but we won’t hire you, but please you are “encouraged to apply”.

Here comes the sarcasm.

A couple of weeks ago I voted. Imagine my surprise when while I was there that women AND minorities were there voting all around me.

Last time I was in a large city I used the transit system and visited various restaurants, I was shocked to be surrounded by both genders and people of all colors and points if origin.

I can’t be for certain, but….there might be women and minorities who actually own their own businesses AND are successful at them…..IN AMERICA!!!
Wow, who knew?

Sarcasm over.

Any other job ad I have heard on the radio uses a simple statement. Equal Opportunity Employer. I’m ok with that. On the context of that, I hear this-

If you meet the qualifications of the job posting. Apply.

Simple.

O(pi)NION

Opinions are like onions. Maybe that’s why each word is inside the other.

Take your seats, put your phones on silent and we will begin.

1- some like to have them on everything, some don’t.

2- some like to dice them up with everyone around to make them cry.

3- some like to sautée them up with other tidbits of flavor to make them easier to swallow.

4- some like to force them upon you because they know they are good and they want you to know they are good too.

6- some digest what you give them because they want you to like them.

7- each come in layers and have to cut through them to get to the heart of them

8- each have a skin on them. Once you get past it you can smell what’s really going on.

9- each come in different sizes, colors, and flavor depending in personal taste.

And finally

10- each one has a tendency to leave a bad taste in your mouth.

Bottom line is learning when an opinion is an onion is a lesson to be learned. Some just can’t stomach them.

Class dismissed.

Login?

Middle school and history class. 2 phrases that don’t get along.

I enjoy history. Not just American history but World History. To know where your going, you have have to know where you’ve been as a nation.

When my middle school aged step daughter comes home with History homework I like to help try to engage her in conversation to see what she is learning.

One particular topic that she was studying this past year was Abraham Lincoln. One of my favorite subjects and most fascinating to me. It was time to engage…..

Me- tell me what you know about Pres. Lincoln.

Her- he had a beard….but no mustache, wore that hat that looked like the one that guitar guy you like wears, he was famous for some address he lived at-

Me- address he lived it? You mean The White house?

Her- no, he gave some speech about some place he lived at. They called it his address.

Me-…….The Gettysburg Address?

Her- yup that’s the one.

Long pause where we just stare at each other….. Waiting for the other the break…

Me….ughh, alright what else do you know?

Her- he was shot and killed while he watched a movie or something like that and he grew up in a login…….

My frustration and annoyance barometer was about to runneth over. I wasn’t about to belittle a 12 year old for her lack of attention span or lack of detail oriented learning ability on a subject most kids her age care little about. Besides, after the Gettysburg Address explanation I was in no mood for more nonsense. I took the low road to tackle the latter subject.

Me- Login? Don’t you mean he grew up in a log cabin?

After a short pause and her making her best mimic of “The Thinker” pose. She states in the unwavering confidence that only a 12 year old possesses….

Her- Nope, I’m pretty sure it was a login.

Me-……………………………………………………………………A LOGIN IS NOT EVEN A REAL WORD. YOU LOG IN TO COMPUTER, YOU DON’T LIVE IN ONE!

Her- don’t yell at me. Yell at the teachers at my school. They are the ones teaching me this dumb stuff. I’m gonna go (smarty pants face engaged) LOG IN to my computer and play games.

I continue to sit at the kitchen table, dejected from another should have won learning situation. Seriously considering taking a 12 year olds advice and taking it up with the school. But alas, the kids already think I’m crazy do I really need the entire school district to think so too?

Child Technology Stamina

The wife is out of town. I am in charge of the castle we call home. At least I like to think I am. Ok, so I’m not. The kids are running the asylum. I have made it a point this weekend to let them do as they wish and I will attempt to be involved.

Here is how the rundown of the step father has come to pass.

Friday 5pm

Female child off to stay at a friends house. Just me and the male gender sibling. Just the guys. I CAN DO THIS!!

7:30 pm

Almost gained another teenager after losing one. Crisis averted when said child’s parents were afraid for my safety being left to monitor 2 teenage boys. I CAN DO THIS!!

8 pm

PS3 is brought into the living room…. The room’s normal bright and happy demeanor begins to dim and take on a dungeon feel. I(‘m pretty sure I) CAN DO THIS!

9 pm

The gourmet meal of chili dogs is served and devoured without even pressing pause on the game system.

9 pm and 15 seconds

The game play is heating up. We are ripping through every conceivable war shoot ’em up blood and guts various map head set wearing virtual kill game there is. I CAN DO THIS!

12 am

Bloodshot eyes. Dark room. The smell of chili dog farts lingers like a fog. And the kid keeps going. I can’t do this much longer.

I quit being an active gamer years ago. But I still thought I could outlast a 15 year old without breaking a sweat. I used to party for days without sleeping. Outlasting him should have been easy. I passed the controller to him, hung my head and pouted my way to bed.

4 am

He is still playing. I’m up to go to the bathroom.

8 am

I’m up. Time to be the man no one wants to be when the wife is out of town…..Cinderfella. Dishes, laundry, floors, basic upkeep. The kid is out.

11 am

I have a meeting to go to. I am requested at this meeting for a specific and important purpose. A friend has to be the chairperson and he needs someone to watch his 2 boys. Ages 1 and 3. I CAN DO THIS!

1:30 pm

I am losing my passion for fatherhood with each passing moment. All I want is some me time. But me don’t get no time. Time to pick up the female sibling.
Just do this.

4pm

I squeezed in a nap. 23 and 1/2 minutes of bliss.

4:25

The gamer has been back at it since 11am. Sunlight and exercise is not an option for him. I keep my promise and don’t bug him about it. The female teen has got me next to her watching NETFLIX. I’m so excited about watching season 1-5 of Scrubs…all the way through…. That I could pee myself. I need an IV drip please. I don’t know anymore.

8:30
Make your own dinner. She glued to the ever so funny high jinks in the Sacred Heart Hospital. He is still a virtual killing machine. I’m not even a man anymore. Just a blob who needs human contact.

11
I have surrendered to the bedroom. They win. This bonding stuff is about to kill me. It’s not the bonding I grew up with but I’m trying to change with the times.

They will hopefully have find memories of the weekend I did things with them that I am not particularly fond of. Video games and TV that is. I do it because I love them. After therapy I might do it again.

The 5 Quirks

I have recently come to the conclusion that I am a quirky person. I do or don’t do things based on certain criteria.

Here are 5 of them.

1- “I have never seen a movie that is longer than 2 hours and 27 minutes.” My attention span and patience level is not built for that kind of visual commitment.

2- “While driving, I count the number of letters on each billboard. Even= good Odd = bad.” started as a child, never stopped doing it.

3- “Buy a book to read based on the first paragraph” If I can make it through the first paragraph without wanting to put it back… I buy it.

4- “Never spend over $20 for a pair of shoes or a pair of jeans” I’m not cheap….yeah well ok I’m cheap but I love the challenge of finding what I want for that price. It’s possible and it has never failed me.

5-“Time Trial Grocery Shopping” know what I need before I go, spend as little time possible where I am there. Pick up my gold medal at the cash register. Go home. My wife hates this one. Whether I spend $500 or $20, maximum time limit 20 minutes.

Roll changer

More than 1/2 a decade ago ( sounds dramatic, huh?) I finally had to pay some consequences for my actions. No matter how movies make it seem, being a thieving alcoholic drug addict is not glamorous. It’s the type of bad that just gets worse. It got so bad for me that
I prayed for death as I continued to abuse my favorite things ( bourbon and cocaine oh how I sometimes still miss thee) in hopes of achieving it. But alas the big man upstairs had other plans.

Felony arrest.

Psyche ward.

Short county jail term.

5 year probation.

Rehab.

Small town halfway house.

My reset button had been tripped.

I have been off the sauce and the juice for almost 6 years. I have been a member of “The” 12 step program all that time. Scoff or judge if you will. It works.

Beginning to live at the age of 37 is not fun. The things I took for granted previously take a big role in my life now.

Personal hygiene- being used to not showering I never really smelled myself. Plus massive cocaine use tends to affect the ability to do so.

Work- stealing is not a job although it was a full time occupation.

Relationships-there are no bonds with crooks, dealers, addicts. Just abuse- all forms.

So, now I’m clean ( deodorant and all) I have a steady job that I love (The motto love what you do, do what you love fits nicely here), married. Happily married.

But I have gained a new problem.

I am now a “house cleaning everything has its place put your shoes away do your homework where are my keys stop playing video games does anyone in this house know how to change out a roll of toilet paper how would I know where your bra is time for bed I need to get away so I will go do laundry” step father of 2 husband to one kind of guy.

I have become a male version of my Mother.

I took her for granted too. My payback is doing for my family what she did for ours growing up.

Mom’s never get enough credit for all they do and still they keep doing.

On my short list of role models, she’s at the top.

And Sometimes “Y”

Friends. We all have them in one form or another. I’m willing to bet that at any given moment we could all name off quite a few of them without a second thought.

For this learning exercise let’s use the alphabet as an example.

I’m pretty sure that we all know at least 26 people that we would consider at the minimum acquaintances.

A-Z

Of those 26, five are the ones that you can count on to be there for you for whatever reason, at whatever time, no questions asked. They just do because….they care.

A-E-I-O-U

We all have that one friend that we can count on as long as they are getting something in return. For example- they will be happy to help you move if you give them gas money or buy them dinner. They would love to go out but they are short on money, if you can spot them they “promise” to pay you back…..they don’t, but every once in a while they are fun to hang out with so you let it go….once again. He/she is a great friend but caution when dealing with them prevails.

They are known as the sometimes “y”.

Think about it…..

If the real vowels are taken away from you, all you have left is “y”.

After the “sometimes a vowel” friend mooches all they can, one question can be asked…

Why?

Which happens to be a common word when it is sometimes a vowel.

That concludes our lesson today.

Remember, all the members of the alphabet in your life are important. But it’s hard to make sense of it all without your vowels.

Salesmen for God

I’m not a fan of “organized religion”. I choose to be a spiritual person rather than a church going book thumper. I am not against anyone who is. As I have stated before….

To each his own.

I took it upon myself….once….to see what the whole church thing was about. I took a very open minded approach. I visited various denominations over a couple of months timeframe. I sat. I listened. I prayed. I tried to be excited about the process.

I went to the library and checked out various books of faith from different religions around the world. I’ve read everything from the Bible to the Koran. (I hope I spelled it correctly), Buddhism to the works of the Dalai Lama. I wanted to learn in order to see if I was missing out in something.

I tried.

From my journey I learned I believe in parts every faith. Disagree with parts of every faith. It taught me that having faith and believing in something greater than me is essential. So basically I found out that ( for me ) I am fine with who I am and I don’t need to go to a “House of Faith” and hear one persons interpretation of what I need to do or believe in.

Since this personal revelation occurred, I have taken the time to acknowledge all the “Salesmen for God” that are out there. At least 2 times a week, there will be a knock at the door. 2-3 people will be there smiling, ready to sell me their God. I log onto Facebook, at least 4-5 people are asking me to see what their God has done for them and he can do it for me….if I hit the like button. The people from the churches that I visited see me around town and tell me I need to come back…their God is waiting for me. The topper was today I got a call from a 1-800 number. I don’t answer but a voicemail was left so I listened. Apparently God has a prayer circle with a toll free number and they want to pray for me.

When they come to my door or see me around town, I tell them honestly where I stand on the faith issue. I get wide eyed blank stares as they back away from my door clutching their books. Next week a new batch will return. I’m never rude, I listen to what they have to say. I guess by not believing it their God I have offended them.

Happiness and faith is a personal issue. What I believe in works for me.

It not broke….so I prefer not to fix it.