Thanksgetting

After being guaranteed by my wife that we had everything we needed for dinner at her parents house, I find myself in the midst of a typical Thanksgiving tradition…..

Heading back out multiple times to retrieve what was forgotten.

I headed back home to pick up a few items and then ingeniously waited for my wife to call before I headed back……call it husbands intuition.

“Have you left the house yet?” She inquires,

“No…I’ve been waiting for you to call.”

“Smart ass…can you grab the flour please.”

And just as I pulled up into her parents driveway and looked forward to being a slouch on the couch until eating time…..

It was back into the car to head to the grocery store.

I’m gonna change the name of the holiday to

“Thanksgetting”

In honor of the phrase I have heard over and over…

“Thanks for going back out and getting blah blah blah”

I do what is asked with a smile because a smooth trouble free holiday just wouldn’t be our style.

I hope everyone gets their fill on this day of family and gratitude.

I know I am thankful for my extended family, near and far.

If holiday frustrations and family bickering are hampering your graciousness, listen to this and I am sure it will be all better….

November Blues

Lyrics included for your reading pleasure!!

Peace and blessings

It’s good2begone.

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The Media Inquisition

Is “grease” still the word? If so….how long before another word gets a chance?

Does guitar George REALLY know all the chords? If so….does that make him “cool” or something?

Did anyone ever show John Spartan how to use the 3 sea shells? If so….

HOW DO YOU USE THE 3 SEA SHELLS?

If I ever get reanimated in the future it would be nice to have this information.

What happens on the following Monday after detention for “The Breakfast Club”?

Do they ignore each other? Get along swimmingly? Take turns stashing things into Johnson’s underpants?

Holy crapballs….

This is why I should never be left alone.

The Reveal…sort of

I blog anonymously. For no other reason than I like to be…mysterious.

That’s a lie.

I don’t attach a real picture of myself to this site because I am more comfortable writing that way.

Nothing more.

Until now….

Sort of….

My sister text me this evening-

Here is the pic that was attached.

So there you have it…a face to go along with my ramblings…..

Sort of.

End Of The Lone

50 years ago, a president was assassinated. Shortly afterward, the man who was believed to be responsible was captured.

Then gunned down.

Both deaths captured on film.

Both tied to conspiracy.

Was there a shooter from the grassy knoll?

Did the assassin work alone?

Was the assassins assassin just a restaurant owner who did what many others only thought of doing?

Before a nation was allowed to properly grieve and hope for justice for their beloved president….

a lone gunman silenced a lone gunman,

And left a nation in stunned silence…..

To grieve alone.
_____________

I was not even alive when these events occurred, but it is important to me, as a citizen of this country, to know the events, good and bad, that have shaped the nation that I call home.

I am not only an American, I am a Texan, which forever ties my neighbors and myself to this tragedy.

I have been to the memorial in downtown Dallas, I have taken the tour of that fateful day and the events that surrounded it and have no opinion or conclusion on what “really happened”.

All I can say, is I believe that these events had an effect on the collective of our country that has never been resolved.

I came across this newspaper in a second hand store a few years ago.

Today is the anniversary of the day the lone gunman killed the lone assassin.

This newspaper marks the end of the lone.

Nut Job

Ahh…the joys of living in central Texas.

Yesterday, I was placing shingles on a roof in 80 degree weather wearing summer attire.

Today, I was clearing icicles off a roof in 32 degree weather wearing summer attire.

My nuts went from swinging in the breeze to freezing from the swing in less than 24 hours.

Hibernation has taken on new meaning.

Disclaimer-

Photos retrieved from a Google search and do not accurate represent my choice in Speedo wear…..nor are they meant to imply that I could grow a sweet mustache.

Punch Drunk

Daily prompt- power

I’m not much for superpowers. Life is already a comic book as it is without adding special abilities.

But since the Daily Post is requesting to choose one…I chose the ability to travel through time.

I would only use it once then banish the power to the attic with rest of my comic book imaginary superpowers.

I would travel back in time to the era of big hair and hair metal.

When I was just out of high school and into drinking heavily on a daily basis.

I would head back to El Paso, Texas….circa summer 1988.

I would find myself at approximately 4 a.m. on any given day during that frame…passed out on my apartment bathroom floor….driving the porcelain bus.

I would kick myself awake and force me to stand up so I could have a few words with myself.

After my glossy eyed, alcohol reeking self got up and looked me in the eyes. I would wait for the recognition of me (plus 26 years) to kick the senses into temporary sobriety.

Then, I would look at me calmly and say,

“I’m am here to atone for me being a screw up for the next 18 years of my life. I won’t change it….but this will make me feel better about doing it.”

I would smile reassuringly at myself and pat myself on the shoulder.

Then, reel my right arm back, my right hand balled into a fist, and punch myself square in the face.

I would look at unconscious self on the floor, sigh, then go to the front closet and take the Van Halen OU812 tour shirt that was left there when I got kicked out of said apartment before my lease was up.

And head back to 2013.

Sometimes you gotta finish what you started.

Bare Bones Love

Some are known for being great gift givers.

I’m not one of them.

I try….but dog gone it…I usually fall short.

We have this stray that has taken to hanging out in our front yard.

We even have a name for her-

“Front yard dog”

Yes…the naming creativity in our household is astounding.

Anyhoo…

She showed up and won’t leave.

My wife has taken a big liking to her.

Apparently…the 4 other dogs we have all take to me, and she wants one to take to her.

Look, I can’t help it that I’m the Cesar Milan of our family.

She has tried to come up with other names besides “front yard dog”.

I tried to give suggestions-

Character defect
Roofus
A stray
Shortcomings
Professor Aloicious Stuff n Stuff

The greatness of those names just flow off your tongue.

Not my wife’s, though. She looks at me like I am an idiot.

She decided on Serenity.

So Serenity it is. She even got her to venture into the house last night….where she stayed until the morning.

I let her out before I went to work this morning.

When my wife got off work, she returned home to find a gift that Serenity had left on our doorstep.

Obviously, given in gratitude for allowing her to stay and be part of the family.

Great gifts….

Some can.

Some can’t.

Regardless….

It’s the thought that counts.

Suggestions: tips for a first time blogger

I came across a cry for help while browsing through the reader….please..help stop the cries!!

Becoming That Guy

It’s the end of an era.

A husband and wife task that I personally crafted into an art form.

Every married couple does it…..if it has to be done, I prefer it to be done as fast as possible. If I could do it while holding a stopwatch I would….but checking my time every few seconds would just slow me down.

If it were an Olympic sport I would get the gold….every time.

Now I have been reduced to….

That guy.

No gold…

No bronze…

But I will be pushing silver…at a snails pace…..with one bum wheel.

Grocery shopping.

Uggh.

I used to look forward to it. We would have a list, we would go to “the Walmart”, and the race would be on.

With any luck, my wife would run into someone she knew and they could blah blah blah with each other while I sped off to complete my task.

When I returned, white knuckles on the bar, a full cart, completed list and beads of sweat on my brow, I could inform her we had to go before the frozen broccoli started thawing.

We would then head to check out. My head held high as I watched the other sucker males slowly going down each aisle as their wife’s go through the briefcase of coupons that takes up the toddlers seat on the cart.

“NO TIME FOR LOSERS….I AM THE GROCERY SHOPPING CHAMPION….

OF THE WORLD!!”

Yeah…that was then….

This is now.

Freddie Mercury just spun in his grave to sing another tune…

“Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
There are plenty of ways you can hurt a man
And bring him to the ground
You can beat him
You can cheat him
You can treat him bad and leave him
When he’s down”

You can give him coupons
And send him out
39 cents here
45 there
Look he’s
Starting to pout.

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust

And another one gone
And another one gone
Another one bites the dust…..

Yes…it’s the end of an era

I lose my sense of identity
To save a few cents.

Mama Mia
Mama Mia
Mama Mia

Let me go.

Lyrics by one of the greatest bands….EVER

QUEEN.

Fatherly Advice

A short but poignant conversation I once had with my father….

“Dad….I’m moving out of the house and getting my own apartment. You got any advice for me as I head out into the “real world” as you like to call it?”

He paused and thought for a short moment then answered confidently.

“Yes…never pay for sex or drink refills….remember that and you should be fine.”

I looked at him with a dumbfounded look and replied,

“What kind of advice is that?”

“Real world advice, son. Welcome to it.”

He then patted me on the shoulder, winked and smiled, and left me to ponder my decision and his words of wisdom.