The 17 Year Old Itch

When I was a teenager, back in the big hair ’80’s, I traveled down a lot of different avenues to attempt to get laid.

20131014-160857.jpg “hello ladies…can I interest you in a carton of milk from the lunch line?”

You know….

Knock boots

The horizontal mambo

Takin’ the skin boat to beaver town

You get the picture.

I tried my natural charm, gifts, alcohol, begging (which was one of my favorites), and the tried and true telling them I love them.

Don’t judge me….I was a teenager. I also thought parachute pants were totally rad, dude.



Many years later, I am the stepfather to a 17 year old boy.


He has natural charm…..but his avenues are a bit more on the extreme side of getting laid-dom.

In the past 6 months, he has asked 2 girls to marry him.

After snooping through his text messages last night…..

DONT JUDGE ME….I have a teen who believes marriage = sex.

Have you not been following along here?


Last night, the text messages reveal that he has upped his count to 3.

Instead of giving him a verbal beat down about getting married young and the misuse of the “L” word, and babies, we are taking a different approach.

Truth be told….

I have cunningly convinced my wife that we should encourage him to get married.

I’m pretty sly for a white guy.

Besides that, my wife and I already gave him the financial and responsibility beat down after proposal 1…..and 2.

I have a plan.

What could possibly go wrong?

To be continued….

I do not know the ladies with the big hair in the picture above….I just searched “big hair in the ’80’s pics” and there they were.

Please, don’t judge me….