The Now Know Row


I talk a lot of nonsense.

Sometimes I try to pass it off as fact.

How do I know that they know?

Yeah…thats the look.

Even Stella knows when I’m full of crap….

Eventually, I will learn how to pass off what I think I know to those whose dont think I know and then we will all know that I’m in the know….

Ya know?

What a strange word….

The Teething Ring



My siblings and I are at the age where we all have to keep tabs on our Mother.

She is over 80 now.

She lives with my younger brother in Colorado.

I live in Texas.

I have another brother in another part of our expansive state.

I have a brother in Vermont.

Lastly, I have a sister in the Big Apple of NYC.

Big family.. all spread out.

Yesterday, I received a text from my sister-

“Have you talked to Mom lately?”

“Yeah, I talked to her a couple of days ago… Why?”

“Shes kind of slurring her words and having a hard time with sentences…”

“Ok, I’ll check on her when I get off work.”

“Thank you. I’m just worried shes old you know.”

“Yeah, I got it.”

So…..

I get off work and call my Mom-

Me- hey Mom, just checkin in what’s going on?

Her- nothing just hanging out with your brothers daughters making cookies having a good time…

Me- your daughter called me and said you were having problems talking last time she talked to you. Is everything ok?

Her- Huh? I just talked to her this morning about going up to see her and to get arrangements set for flights and all. I was half awake when she called and didnt have my teeth in yet.

Me- You…didnt…have..your…teeth…in…
Ok. Shes a moron.

Family…sometimes I just cant sink my teeth into why they cant get all the information before jumping to conclusions.

Uggh.


The Choices


Its mid week…..

Under normal circumstances that would mean planning out the weekend in advance.

Grandkids.

House chores.

Anything else that cant be crammed into the workweek.

BUT NOT THIS WEEKEND

My younger than me wife has a getaway from friday through Sunday.

She said- I’m spending the weekend with my people. What are you going to do?

I said- I will spend the weekend with my people as well.

She looked at me quizzically and said-

You have people?

I replied- yeah, me, myself, and I.

I may just get off work, sit on the sofa and stare at the walls the entire time.

Might teach the dogs yoga.

Might learn to play the bagpipes.

Or

Might just relax and recoup and
Rejuvenate.

The world is my oyster for 48 hours.

Mmmm..

Oysters…..

Disclaimer-not me or my wall

The Pirouette


Sometimes I wonder….

Can I have a normal conversation without inserting slight tidbits of sarcasm and why would you say that type things?

The answer is…

No.

Here is a snipit of a back n forth between my younger than me wife and I from last night…while we had guests over-

Her- tomorrow a few of the girls are coming over.

Me- why?

Her- I’m going help 1 study, guide 2 through some step work, and 3 will be here because she is new to sobriety. I will be pirouetting between the 3.

Me- you’ll be what?

Her- pirouetting….its a ballet move like this..

Disclaimer-not my wife pirouetting…

Me-I KNOW WHAT BALLET IS!

Her- you do?

Me- yes…once when I was I teen I went to see “the nutcracker”. I thought it was going to be porn….I was sorely mistaken…

The Cancel


So…..Beyonce put out a new album.

Not my taste in music.

But…

What did raise my brow about it was that before it was possible for the album to be listened to, streamed, bought or even looked at

She was forced to change a word on one of the tracks because it was deemed offensive.

The word in question….

Spaz.

Really….

It was somewhere on track 11 of the album..

A word on track 11

Offensive.

And changed because….it was offensive…

I didnt even know the dude was relevant anymore.

He was a savior in the movies back in the ’80’s…

Now…

Offensive.

Cancel culture needs to be stopped.

Until then enjoy the word from it’s original context and glory…

The Celibate Toast


I need to invest in an online lip reading class because It has become quite obvious that I suck at being hearing impaired.

Case and point is as follows….

CASE

Whilst I was preparing the evenings gourmet meal I became embroiled in a quandary.

My wife has a list of various ingredients she does not partake in.

During the process of cheffing it up I often need her assistance in what to use.

This particular time, she happened to be on the phone with one of her friends yapping it up about make up, fashion, shoes or possibly NASCAR when I witnessed her looking into the fridge for something to add to my 5 star meal.

To speed the process up, I asked what she was looking for.

I swear on the bumper of Dale Earnhardt’s Jr. Daytona 500 car that she mouthed the words-

“Celibate toast.”

I paused…made my huh face

20140322-080325.jpg
and said,

“What the hell is celibate toast?”

POINT

She makes her version of the huh face while she is on the phone

(multitasking is much more her thing than mine)

and pulled out a jar of what she was looking for.

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I still don’t know what celibate toast is but I bet it comes with it’s own jam>