The Moments


Life is is full of unforgettable moments.

For me, being a grandparent has brought a lot of them.

It’s too cold to go outside this weekend. The kids and I have been cooped up inside.

We played Power Rangers vs. Zombies or them vs. me….I guess zombies is another word for old.

Movies were watched.

Naps were taken.

Eventually….

Ideas were running thin.

To avoid meltdowns….I had to think of something.

Luckily, they like button pushing…. figuratively and literally..

So, with that in mind. My lightbulb went on.

Here’s a short snippet of the result-

I love those boys.

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The Adoption Files


My wife and I are in the process of becoming adoptive parents.

It’s quite the process.

From our lawyer, who is also a friend of ours, to my boss and various other individuals we hear the same thing-

“Yall know you’re crazy…..right?”

We just reply with a smile-

“Yeah…we know.”

Here’s a little backstory which brought us into this…..process.

I’m 52 about to be 53. My wife is…..younger than me.

I’m older and wise enough not to reveal a woman’s age….

She has 2 children that together we have raised into adulthood. They have started their own families.

Our son has 3 boys…all under the age of 5, by 2 different baby mammas. He is now single.

Our daughter has had 2 girls. Her first died during childbirth. Terrible tragedy that could have been avoided if the doctors had a lick of sense among them.

Her second is 10 months old. She is about to be divorced.

My wife n I spend a lot of time with our grandkids.

All of our grandchildren are angels….even when they are not.

If you are a grandparent…then you get it.

I never had kids of my own.

I call it “the curse”.

When I was in my early 20’s, a young lady I was dating got pregnant by me.

We decided on abortion.

And it has haunted me ever since.

Even after that, rarely if at all did I use protection.

Therefore, the curse kept me from being a father.

Stupid..I know..but that’s what I believe.

Adoption has always been on my mind.

I come from a family where 3 of my 4 siblings were adopted.

Early ’80’s fashion….glad that’s over. Same with those bowl haircuts.

Anyways…that’s my family from growing up. Once they were adopted they were just my brothers and sister.

So adoption isn’t new to me.

But this process sure is.

Here’s the current state of our process-

My wife and I have a friend whose daughter is 16 and pregnant.

She has college and future ambitions that would not be possible if she were to be raising a child.

The young lady had full intent of having an abortion.

Even went as far as going to the clinic to get it done. But, she couldn’t afford it.

The young lady’s mom had a talk with my wife about it.

My wife, in turn had a talk with her and her daughter, telling them if she would be willing to have the baby, then we would adopt the baby.

She agreed.

That’s where the journey begins.

This blog will now be my sounding board for this process.

The good, bad, joys, frustrations and all the emotions that go along with it.

All leading up the the hopeful endgame of becoming an adoptive parents.

At 52 years old….and my wife being younger than me.

The adoption process through the eyes, words and mind of good2begone.

Oz Denied


Are you really a step dad if you’ve never heard the angry blurted out sentence from a child- “YOU’RE NOT MY DAD AND CANT TELL ME WHAT TO DO!”

I’ve heard it more than once early on in my relationship with my 2 children.

(You see what I did there….they are adults now and thru our journey they now call me Dad. I proudly call them my children.)

To be fair… I deserved it.

Me trying to assert my adultness.

They protecting the sanctity of a name that was meant for one.

To them….I was not the one.

And..

Respect in ANY relationship is earned not given.

Neither side had done that.

That took time, effort, patience, respect and a lot of love and open conversation.

With years gone by. Both of my kids have grown and started families of their own.

Each grandchild deserves their own attention. So for this post I will focus on the birth of the first.

Well. Not on the grandkid but what he would eventually call my wife and I.

It’s my blog not his…he can’t even write yet.

My wife asked, “What do you want the baby to call us? I’m gonna be called Nona. So when he gets telled NO it will be easy for him to call NONA to give him what he wants!”

My wife is pretty sly.

Already posturing to be the favorite…

My turn.

“I want him to call my Ozzy”

My wife replied almost immediately after I finished…

“OZZY???AS IN OSBOURNE??? Nope. Try again”

I calmly replied-

“No, honey. I want them to call me Ozzy because

‘The great and all powerful Oz’

will be too hard for an infant to learn”

DUH

Regardless of a convincing and well thought out retort. She still told me I was on the crazy train and was not allowed to be called Oz either.

I settled on “Papi”

We have been known as PapiNona for over 4 years now.

Notice I get top billing.

Not me or my grandchild.

*pic from google

The Pointless Midpoint Pointer


The high school sophomore brings home 18 geometry problems that need to be properly equated and turned in the following day.

The stepfather, who is 27 years removed from anything and everything high school, has just worked 10 hours a day for 5 days in 103 degree heat.

Using “x” for the stepfather

(Since he has been dubbed the homework helper which means he has to EXplain why letters in math are very much vital to further enhancement in life after high school)

And

Using “y” for the stepdaughter

(Since the only question she will be asking over the next 3 hours is WHY am I solving letters when math is numbers)

Solve how long it will take “y” to reach his boiling point with the questions from “x” and resort to cheating by googling all the answers, which results in “z”.

Use the midpoint system to find X-Y,
Y-Z and use those to solutions to solute X-Z.

Show all work to receive full credit.

For me the only letters that really matter in this process are-

UGGGH

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The Growing Pains


The suck-o-fi-cation of the realization that being a stepfather, has brought forth the stupification that even though he is not a product of my spermification, the process of his maturization has smacked me upside the head with the identification that we are one…and…the…same.

For the last few days, we have been going at it over curfew, sex, money, telling the truth…you know…all the great things parents love to talk to their kids about.

He wants all the independence but none of the responsibility that just happens to go along with it.

That’s a strangely familiar memory to me….

Our battle of wills, which, bizarredly, resembles me arguing with a younger version of myself, ended with a mutual understanding.

And me putting in my final 2 cents.

“Now that we understand one another, I just have one more thing to say….don’t EVER forget that even though I am a pain in the ass….. I love you…and nothing will ever change that.”

No matter how you go about it….parenting is worth all the growing pains that come along with it.

Echoes Of Youth


Visions of small legs
Kicking up to the stars
If we try hard enough
We could jump over the monkey bars

The swing set sits center
On the site made for play
It now just sits empty
The ground turned to clay.

There sits the rocket
Where astronauts are found
The slide sits unused
There is no one to bring down.

The merry go round sits still
Not even the wind makes it spin
No screams or dizzy laughs
The cobwebs have set in

A place where imagination
Once was set free
Now lies a ghost town
Of rust and no glee.

The playground has been replaced
By chips in a box
No need to go outside
Just plug the controller into its dock

It’s my generations turn
To complain like the ones before
I’ve turned into my parents
It’s a fact….I can’t ignore.

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The Stronghold


Kids grow up fast.

In the almost 7 years I have known my wife…meaning the 4 1/2 we have been married and the previous 3 when I stalked and studied her every move to find my way in.

Wait…don’t get the wrong idea…”stalked” is probably the wrong word……It’s not like I hung out in the bushes with binoculars from across the street and borrowed various vehicles to follow her around or anything like that….much.

I just knew she was the one and I had to make sure she knew it too…

That doesn’t sound much better….let me move along to the reason for this post.

I have watched the kids grow from children to young adults. It is amazing how much they have changed.

I am comfortable with their growth and impending morphignation into adulthood.

(Sweet I just made up a new word.)

My wife……is not.

In the last month, there have been both positive and negative changes in the life of my stepson.

On the plus-

He got his first vehicle.

On the neg-

He got his first hangover.

On the plus-

He got his first job.

I personally found no negative to this. He is of age to work. It will build confidence and keep my wallet on the plus side.

Booyah.

His first day was today. 2 hours before his scheduled arrival, at said job, he was overcome with a wave of nausea.

First day jitters…I get it.

He was ready to go. My wife was not ready for him to go.

Him“I need to put gas in my truck before work.”

Mom“Would you like me to follow you to the gas station and put gas in for you?”

Stepdad/Husband“Seriously?? I’m quite sure he has the ability to do it himself.”

Mom“Well…I don’t want him to smell like gas on his first day.”

Him“……..”

Stepdad/Husband“People have been putting gas in their vehicles before they go to work since the invention of jobs, cars and gas, honey. Besides, its not like he is going to use it for deodorant. Do you want to walk him into the front doors of his job and follow him around all day as well?”

Mom“Yes…Yes I do. Do you have a problem with that?”

I just look at her with a smirk.

Him“Ummm…I have a problem with that….and I gotta go. Bye. See you after work.”

Mom“Ok, honey. I love you. Have a great first day. I will be here so you can tell me all about it when you get home.” She says as tears well up in her eyes as he walks out.

Stepdad/Husband“He is gonna grow up whether you like if or not. Let him grow up gracefully.”

Mom“I’m trying. He is my little boy. Before we know it he will be moving out of the house.”

Stepdad/Husband“Only if ‘before we know it’ means 30 years old..Come on honey, I think you need some retail therapy to help you deal with the kids growing up.”

Off to the mall we went.

I thought my wallet was supposed to maintain the green once the kids grew up. Turns out it will stay in the red until my wife lets them….

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The Stepdad Chronicles


Super glue supposedly bonds all kinds of stuff in mere seconds.

I have been a step father to 2 awesome children for over 4 years and still we are forming a bond.

I should have read the package when I signed this deal. This stuff takes work.

My wife went out for an evening with friends. I took it as an opportunity to enhance the bond with the kids.

That’s bond…family bond.

Sometimes shaken…sometimes stirred…sometimes hard to swallow but always worth the effort.

I had visions of what television tells us what family time should be.

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Yeah…one more reason added to the list of why I quit watching TV.

THEY LIE

I offered movie night, after my wife left for the evening.

The responses were as follows…

Stepson-

“I’m in the middle of a campaign on my PS3. After my team finishes this secret mission and open up another map, I will be out to hang.”

Me- “Great”

Stepdaughter-

“Is Netflix working? I was watching something a couple of days ago and I want to finish it…and do my nails. After that we can hang out.”

Me-

“Great”

So…..my wife will be back in an hour or so.

My stepson is still playing war games…evident by the the gunfire and helicopter sounds coming out from his dark room.

My stepdaughter is engulfed in painting her nails and switching between episodes of “Bridezillas”and “The Cleveland Show” on Netflix.

Me- I have been sitting on the sofa with my headphones on listening to Ice T on my iPod.

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O.G. Original Gangster

Nothing more gangster than my life.

Family time in the age of digital technology…

Word.

The Clueless One


Positive reinforcement is essential for parenting.

When a child accomplishes something they deserve to be rewarded.

I freely admit that I am not the best at this.

But I am trying.

For the past 2 weeks my step daughter has been working really hard to make the High School Drill Team.

Practices after school.

Practice at home.

Practice in her sleep.

Mock tryouts were yesterday.

Today was the big day.

I have been working to catch up on hours lost when I was out of town, so I have not been able to go watch and support her in person.

My wife, bought her a bouquet of flowers for the occasion, whether she made it or not.

That’s how she rolls. Always on her game.

Me….not so much. I got there right as the judges were posting their decisions.

SHE MADE THE TEAM!

We are so proud of her.

I had to do something to show her I care and that I am proud of her, so I got her a gift that I hope would make practices a lot easier.

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I chose to leave her face out…the look she gave me kinda scares me…..that along with what she said,

“SERIOUSLY! A DRILL…FOR DRILL TEAM….. OMG!!!”

Yeah….that’s a direct quote.

clue·less
/ˈklo͞oləs/
Adjective
Having no knowledge, understanding, or ability
.

I’m still the one.

The DumbDown Prophesy


Today a pinnacle in the annals of personal parentdumb has been achieved.

I wasn’t striving to reach the peak of this mountain……it was a natural progression as forewarned by my parents before me and I am quite sure by theirs before them.

I write this post to attempt to educate any parents of small children who will at one time, in the not so distant future, be parents of teenagers.

At that time….and ONLY at that time will you be bitchslapped by fate in the same manner in which I have been.

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That’s right….fate is the monkey that jumps off your back and slaps you.

It was earlier this afternoon as I had a confrontation with my stepdaughter.

“Why didn’t you answer the text I sent you?”

“Because we were walking around.”

“You know….the reason you have that phone is not so you can LOL and OMG with your friends but so we can get a hold of you when needed.”

“What’s the big deal? We were just watching a movie and I didn’t hear it.”

“…..you just said you were walking around.”

AND THEN IT HAPPENED

Her arms crossed, her eyes rolled, and she gave an audible sigh and said,

“Whatever, you are going to hear what you want. I said we were watching a movie.”

Then she flung herself and walked out of the discussion chamber and into her room.

It was at that exact moment in time when I heard my fathers voice come down from the heavens and into my head….

“It’s official. Your dumb. Just like I was when you pulled that reverse crap on me. Enjoy the next few years of parenting hell.”

In looked up and grimaced. Then looked at my wife and said,

“Honey, I’m dumb now.”

She replied without missing a beat,

“We have been dumb for a few years, dear. You have just been blind as well. Now you see what I see. Still glad you married me?”

“Great….I’ve been the Helen Keller of parenting….when do we get smart again?”

“Only when they have kids, honey. Not any sooner.”

“Uggghhhh.”
_______

Once the teen years have pummeled the sweet nectar of life right out of the once able bodied minds and hands of my wife and I am hoping to be able to look back on this time, as my parents once did and theirs did before them, and say we raised them right.

But, until then, all I can is,

“I ain’t as smirt as I oosed too bee.”

I have become comfortably dumb.