Dearest Mommy

Today is the day to celebrate the person that brought us into the world.

The person who nurtured, educated, scolded, praised and pushed us to be better.


It’s more than a day to buy her a card, flowers or a gift from a store or boutique.

It is a day to remember the gift of love that she continues to give whether we deserve it or not.

Here is a short history of me and my Mom-

I was born a mommy’s boy. Her first born but second child. The first, she and my Dad adopted when she was told she would not be able to bear children.

Until the age of 16, I was the one that would make them proud. College, career, the family dream. She was so proud of me.

By 21, I failed out of college 3 times in the first semester, became a daily drinker and routinely stole money out of her purse when I went home to eat. She was disappointed in me but still hopeful of her young son.

By 28 years old, I was divorced and jobless and still a daily drinker with quite the cocaine habit added in.

She was at home, taking care of my ailing father, who had Cancer. She stuck by him through his long bout with alcoholism and would stick by his side until his death. She knew she had a son that was following his fathers sordid past. She still stuck by me.

At 30, my Mother and I were at my father’s side for his final moments. His wife and his firstborn there for his departure. She was strong and knew he was off to a better place. I was drunk and high. She asked me to move home to help her get by. I did, but she helped me get by.

At 33, she had had enough and moved out of state to be closer to other family members. She could not stay and watch me destroy myself. She had had enough and left.

At 36, I was out of jail and into rehab and called her to ask for money to get into a halfway house. She was living off her hourly wage job and my Dad’s benefits and barely making it. She sent the money and said,

“This is it. If you don’t change, don’t call me anymore.”

There is no tougher love than goodbye.

I am now 43. Clean and sober for a few years now. I am married and the stepfather to 2 children and a husband to a wonderful wife and Mother. I talk to my Mom weekly and spend time with her in person whenever possible and tell her of the hardships and joys of parenting and married life. She just smiles.

My Mother’s gift to me is worth more than a card or a flower.

She showed me a Mother’s love DOES have bounds.

One son can only take so much before the ties that bind need to be severed.


Severed ties can be repaired. I had to learn that love is conditional.

The condition being-

Learn from mistakes. Grow up. Don’t expect from anyone…respect.

Thanks, Mom.

I’m still learning, growing and respecting myself and others.

-photo taken before my fall from my Mother’s grace. Sometime before I decided that shaving my head was a great choice.


5 Day Momma’s Boy

I got to be with my Mom for 5 days this week. I haven’t seen her in 2 years. Before I got sober the Mother/Son bond was about severed. Today I can say it is not. I have been reminded of the joys of being her son.

This song is one of many she couldn’t stand but I played over and over….loudly, when I was much younger. Strangely enough she remembered it and didn’t mind it so much this time around.