The Electric Bend

It is almost NEVER too hot in the kitchen for me.

Therefore I rarely get out of it.

I can cook, sauté, bake, broil, grill, follow recipe instructions AND clean up after myself when the meal is praised by standing ovation and tears of joy.

When the kids say there is nothing to eat. I can find something that is not only edible but tasty.

I try out different flavors, spices, and food combinations to keep the family guessing.

I’m no Gordon Ramsay….but

F$%k him.

I don’t need to be a pompous ass to be the house chef.


Like I said, it’s “almost never” too hot in the kitchen for me.

When is it too hot?

When I have to use the electric can opener.

Nothing cheeses me off more than having to use it.

Within the span of 20 minutes, my blood pressure will be boiling and my heart will be racing as I continuously place the same can underneath the blade with zero results…..except for the label coming off.

Occasionally. I will get the cut started. Then the can will fall off the magnet and I have to start over.

I use forks to pry the half opened top to he able to empty the contents into the bowl or what have you.


We have more bent forks in this house than that guy who bends utensils with his mind.


All I want for Christmas is for every can ever made to have a pull top.

Is that too much to ask?