Dairy Of A Madman


Doing things the homemade way is always quite a challenge.

My lovely wife is not able to eat any of the things that “normal” people…like myself…are able to consume in mass quantities without adverse side effects.

The avoidable items in our house include but are not limited to-

-gluten
-corn
-soy
-sugar
-white rice
-peanuts
-chocolate

When she is out of town, I go out an order gluten by the pound, topped with corn, peanuts, rice dipped in chocolate and covered in soy sauce.

When she is not…..we make everything homemade without the afore mentioned ingredients.

Our latest venture into the homemade venturistic stuff n things food type making dealio included attempting to make our own….

Yogurt.

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Because….

You can never have enough yogurt in your system.

Am I right? Who’s with me on this one?

It’s even fun to just say….

Yogurt….YOgurt….yoGURT.

Anyway…

We diligently searched for what seemed like days to find a recipe we liked.

But…

We came upon the same conundrum with each recipe.

Here is a sample recipe which pretty much described every recipe for homemade yogurt-

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You see what they did there?

To make homemade yogurt…..you need to add store bought yogurt.

IF I HAVE TO ADD YOGURT TO MAKE HOMEMADE YOGURT WHY WOULD I MAKE IT INSTEAD OF JUST BUYING IT?

Which brings up the obvious question….

How is yogurt REALLY made if it has to be added to itself to be made?

Was it ever really made in the first place?

Or

Is it just another unsolvable dairy mystery?

Maybe….just maybe….

Those are the questions that have been put on hold….

“Until the cows come home.”

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Passing Seconds


What happens with time
If the wounds don’t heal
If the heart skips a beat
How much does it steal

On borrowed time
With no one to repay
If it’s not mine
How long can I stay

On my side
Yet running out
It is of the essence
There is no doubt

In the race against it
But, still have some to kill
Sometimes, pressed for it
Usually, against my will

Time, it waits for no one
It goes on…tick tock
Live with no regrets
While there’s still time on the clock

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The Goat Whisperer


Get your goat

Meaning-

Make you annoyed or angry.

Origin

The dictionary definition of goat is ‘a ruminant quadruped of the genus Capra’. What’s that got to do with being angry? Given the meaning of ‘get your goat’, we might expect to find goat as a slang term meaning anger or annoyance. That meaning is recorded in the US book Life in Sing Sing, 1904, which goat is given as a slang term for anger.

You want to know what ruminantly quadrupes my genus Capra?

Pets of the country folk.

I’m not referring to dogs, cats, birds, or fish. Those are regular people pets.

The country folk are cut from a different cloth.

I tend to believe its burlap.

Case study #1 is a post I will refer to in order to give you idea of what I am talking about. Please click the link below.

Case Study 1

I am no longer at that jobsite. I have moved on to not so greener pastures.

Now I have to deal with Jethro the goat.

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He doesn’t scream like human.

He doesn’t faint.

He follows me around and “BAAAAA”‘s
Until I scratch the space between the horns on his oddly shaped head.

If I go inside to work, he rams the door until I let him in.

Yeah….he is an indoor goat.

I’ve already put a call into Cesar Milan to see if he has a distant second cousin who talks goat.

He hasn’t returned my calls.

All I know is this is turning into a baaaad deal.

The customer thinks I’m mean. I keep telling him

“DUDE…..GET YOUR GOAT!”

He just chuckles in his overalls and continues to chew on his straw like he doesn’t understand me and says,

“You got urself a friend, bubba.”

I don’t need anymore friends.

Idiomtastic


There is always a “light at the end of the tunnel”.

I don’t know who is the Wizard of idioms who came up with this gem but it got me thinking about what it means to me.

Tunnels are not my favorite places to be hanging out in. But if I ever did I would make sure that the lighting was adequate for he purpose of my stay. It would require substantially more than a light at the end of it.

They are typically dark, musty, and a little bit on the freaky side. 6 to 8 legged creatures reside in them and are not too happy to have visitors. Not to mention rats. I have never seen a tunnel rat, a sewer rat or a subway rat but I have read enough stories in the news about them to keep me away from tunnels.

If I were to be in a tunnel and saw a light at what I perceived was the end of it I would not be walking nonchalantly toward it knowing that eventually I would get to it. I would be running toward it, screaming like a 12 year old schoolgirl, arms failing, chest heaving, rat dodging, cobweb breaking, eyes wide hoping the light would get bright enough to signal the end of it, please get me out of here without peeing my pants kind of fear in my head.

Not a very masculine picture I just painted………at all.

Please Mr. Idiom man please make an amendment to this and make it

” there is a light at the end of the amply lit no creepy crawly living in it hallway”.