The Panty Drop

Sometimes I give my stepson a bad rap. I complain about his antics, rant about his attitude and might be giving the impression that I don’t treat him as I should.

Oh contrare monfrare.

He is a great kid and I love him dearly.

But….he is a boy and is a teenager to boot.

I used to be a boy and a teenager.

Wait…that didn’t come out like I planned.

So…pretty much anything he is doing….I have done and usually with much worse consequences than he has received.

Therefore, I do not want him to make the same mistakes that I have…if that’s possible.

Every once in a while, he has an experience that I was not blessed with having.

Today was that once in a while.

He always asks how my day was after I get home from work.

I usually say-

“Be glad you don’t do what I do….”

(He works in a grocery store, I work in construction.)

And then I will tell him why my job occasionally sucks.

Today, I received a text from him that said,

And sends this picture-

Oh yeah….panties in the grocery store bathroom.

I’m proud of you son.

Days as bad as this are hard to come by…..but well worth telling me about.

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Rosetta Stoned

Ahh…report cards.

For some parents, this ritual of academic progress, is a time for reward.

High grades through the first 12 years of schooling grants a better opportunity for that child to continue their education in college.

For me…my decent grades in high school granted me that opportunity.

Given that opportunity, I used it to further my education in the arts….

As in…..the art of liquor consumption and a minor in Columbian exports.

(not me…put a fairly accurate photo of my intense study sessions)

I enrolled in my first semester of college….3 times….15 hours per effort….

When all was said and done, I amassed an astounding….9 credits.

College was not “my thing”.

I have 2 step kids that are currently in high school.

My stepdaughter is a freshman.

As this is her first year in the monster that is high school, she was quite disappointed to realize that students did not break out into song and dance between classes a la “Glee”.

Her perception was a bit….off key.

My stepson is a junior. He is well invested into the monster and is closer to getting out than remaining in.

We hope.

He has reached the stage that I know well.

Girls and work have taken priority over high school. My wife and I try to remind him how important education is, and how his grades will affect his opportunity for college….which he insists that he will be attending.

Somewhere in between, we have reached a language barrier that prevents us from getting our point across in a positive way.

We checked his 6 week grades, which were final as of Friday.

I believe we have found our language barrier.

He is taking Spanish….2. Looking at his grades in that class he will be eligible to take Spanish 3 next year and possibly look into a career as the American Ambassador to Mexico. His grade 87.

Seeing how we live in Texas, which last time I checked is still part of the USA, he is also required to take English. This class may effect his Ambassadorship….

I would think….that to be able to report back to your American counterparts after counter parting with your Mexican counterparts you would need to be able to count parts in English AND Spanish.

His grade…..41.

ITS THE LANGUAGE HE HAS BEEN PRACTICING SINCE FREAKING BIRTH!

“Houston, tenemos un problema.”

Time Alone

This is my weekend…..alone.

My wife is out at the lake for a weekend long AA conference.

The kids are at their Dad’s.

I have the house to myself.

I can eat a bunch of crap without the ingredients and sugar content being scolded into me.

I can watch a movie without having to stop it to answer questions about what is going on or what is going to happen.

I can leave the bathroom door open.

Hell, I don’t even have to wear pants if I don’t want to!

I could play rock, paper, scissors with my reflection in the mirror…for hours until someone wins.

My options are limitless.

Ahhh…just the thought of it makes me giddy.

In reality, what have I done with my weekend-

-Dishes
-laundry
-grocery shopping
-went through my clothes and got rid of stuff

While grocery shopping at “the Walmart” I got to watch a demonstration of some new fancy schmancy food slicer….

I know what you’re thinking-

“Wow! Say it isn’t so!”

Yeah…it’s so.

For that 10 minutes of time I won’t ever be able to get back I got a free peeler.

I guess it’s European or something, it says so on the box..that or it is worth 1 euro.

I did go Goodwill hunting. I need jeans for work. I refuse to pay regular price for jeans that will be used for construction purposes. I go there and pay $5 for a pair. The best thing is the pre existing blood stains and bullet holes are at no extra charge.

Sweet deal!

While I was hunting, I was accosted by a guy who swears he knows me.

He told me that after the last time he spoke with me he got in a dispute with his “baby’s momma” and it took 15 officers of the law to restrain him.

I don’t even think there are 15 officers employed in this county.

I listened, nodded and asked him if he needed a euro peeler.

He looked at me like I was crazy and walked away.

It took 15 Goodwill volunteers to keep me from reminding him who was crazy.

Anyhoo…..

My most excellent idea for the weekend was to give my dogs baths.

I have 4 of them.

-a chihuahua
-a shitzu/weenie dog
-mini sheltie
-wolf

There is water everywhere.

Ugggh

Worst idea ever.

That’s them post bath, chillin’ on the furniture that had to be covered…

I have until around noon tomorrow to unclog the bathtub drain and get all the paw prints off the tile and wood floors.

Hopefully by that time the house and I won’t smell like wet dog potpourri.

And maybe I can get back to family and work and get some rest.