The White Coats

My stepson got home from work and was complaining of abdominal pains. We took him to the local ER.

Here is what happened…..

9:30 pm-arrive and check in at desk, waiting room is over 1/2 full…..or half empty…depends on how you look at it….

9:45 pm- enter triage, get wristband for my stepson and masks….have been told to put them on, the flu is rampant.


10 pm- I begin to look around….we are the only ones wearing masks….should I be worried?…..or should everyone else be worried?

11pm- ONE name has been called in the last hour and fifteen minutes.

11:07 pm- I take off my mask. My head tells me the :15 minute lapse upon arriving until we got masks has already doomed me….

11:09-I get a soda from the machine, turn around and notice that none of the backwards ass rednecks in this town cover their mouths when they cough….a really fat 3 year old is rubbing boogers on the floor.

11:10- I put my mask back on.

11:20- two names called at once. Things are starting to pick up round here.

11:27-Can’t tell if others patrons in waiting room are sleeping….or victims of the impending superflu outbreak. Make mental note the self that if I make it out of here, I need to watch the TV version of “The Stand” much more closely than I did the first time.

11:45- walk around waiting room while using the greatest iPhone app of all time (with the volume on high), “iPity” a collection of Mr. T audio quotes from the A-Team.


11:48- I am instructed by my wife to stop.

12 am- I walk up to the restroom sign and close my eyes. I put my right hand on the sign and try to read Braille…..Result- I would fail as a blind person.

12:20-My stepsons name is called. My wife and stepson head to the back to be seen by a doctor. I stay in the waiting room to oversee the possible pandemic outbreak.

1:07- a text from my wife states that he has peed in a cup. Almost :50 minutes and all that has been accomplished is he has peed in a cup.

1:08- I have to now pee.

1:24- The triage lady calls the name “Rodman”. I immediately turn around hoping to see Dennis Rodman, former NBA basketball player….

to my dismay it was Cletus Rodman…..

never a basketball player.

2:06- awaiting test results from blood work, EKG and x ray…..

2:30 am- still here. That is all.

2:59 am-played 18 holes of video golf on my phone.

My wife and stepson are still waiting for results. I finished the round at 5 over. My wife is tired and is about to lose it.

3:45 am- I am about to lose it.

3:50 am-test results in…..all negative. But I am positive that my frustration level is off the charts.

9:30-4 and we got sent home with anti nausea prescription….

He wasn’t even nauseated.

But I am.

Happy Christmas Eve.