The Hits like A Girl


When I was a young good2begone, I believed the notion that boys were better than girls at sports.

That belief was based on nothing but upbringing. I had no sisters at that time and boys will he boys was the norm.

At some point I got into tennis.

Loved watching it, playing it.

Wimbledon was my favorite.

Boris Becker, John McEnroe, Chris Evert Lloyd, Martina Navritolova..I loved watching all of them.

I had convinced myself that I could beat the professional women….

AT 10 YEARS OLD

Yup…I was gonna somehow do it.

Lucky for me that Chris Evert lloyd was coming to town for a charity match.

I was so excited!

I got tickets and was there wide eyed waiting for the match to begin…

Plotting my way to get on court and challenge her!

They began the match.

She swung her arm back. Threw up the ball and served across court.

THWAP

It was returned

THWAP

The rally lasted about 8 hits.

I could hear the thwap every time.

But. . .

I NEVER SAW THE FREAKING TENNIS BALL

Not even a blur of neon green.

Just a sonic boom of repeated

THWAP.

I was deflated…

Not only would I never challenge or beat her….

I would never be able to hit like a girl.

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Remembering Dad


On the eve of Fathers Day….a few words about my Dad from almost a year ago.

Good2begone

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Twelve years ago my father passed away. I held his hand as his last breath left his body. His body was devastated by the Cancer which shortened his life. Although the disease diminished his muscular features and left him with nearly skin and bones, it never once chipped away at his love for his wife and 5 children.

He allowed us all to make mistakes. He let us fall. But was there to pick us up. He taught us manners, respect for all people regardless of race or gender. He wanted us to love our families and fight to stay in touch no matter how many miles were left in between.

12 years have gone by. Not 1 single day during that timespan has passed that I have not thought about him and the things I learned from him.

There were things I should have said before he passed on…

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Son Spot


My stepson came home from the weekend at his Dad’s.

Usually he is not in a good mood upon returning. There isn’t much to do at the trailer park his Dad lives in…squirrel hunting season is over and he is still recovering from the NASCAR event he went to last weekend with his girlfriend. He brought back gifts for the kids.

Autographed t shirts from the guys in Duck Dynasty.

Anyway, my stepson gets home and is bouncing off the walls in a great mood.

And he won’t stop talking.

He is talking about nothing in particular….continuously….what he ate all weekend, what he wore…

Just random.

He asks if he can go hang out with his friend, who lives down the block.

We said no, because of his grades and laid down some pretty harsh rules as to what we expect in the coming weeks.

I was waiting for the fit throwing, the you are ruining my life speech and various tantrum techniques that he uses to attempt to get his way.

We got none if it.

All my wife and I received was

“Yes sir and yes ma’am. I can do that.”

After he left the room and we pulled our jaws up off the floor, my wife looks at me proudly and states,

“Our little boy is maturing and taking responsibility. He is growing up.”

I reply,

“Nah, I’m pretty sure he saw boobs this weekend……there is no other reason he doesn’t care about being grounded or punishments…he saw boobs. Now he has time to plot when he will see them again…..you are right he is maturing and growing up….”

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The picture is not of my stepson….it is from Google. And coincidently is the universal “I just saw boobs look” that every male has when he first sees boobs….

why lie….

It’s the look that happens each time a man sees boobs.

From the cradle
To the grave

Boobs.

Everything I Need To Know About Life I Learned From Chutes And Ladders


Timeless, children’s board games. They are fun and educational. Looking back, there was one that I always loved…

Chutes and Ladders.

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Eventually I outgrew the game. It states on the box ages 3-7…..no one can be a child forever.

Or can we…

The basic premise of the game is to roll the dice and move to the figure the number of spaces that coincides with the dice. You may land on a chute or you may land on a ladder or you may just land on a numbered space.

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Every day, life is like a roll of the dice. As my years have progressed I realize I have landed on the ladder space many times-

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-learning to walk, talk, inquire and wonder
-winning in little league sports
-first date
-first kegger with the “cool kids”
-graduating high school
-getting married (twice)
-being a step father
-refraining from alcohol (and drugs) for a number of years
-buying that first new car

In comparison, I also realize I have landed on the chute space a number of times as well-

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-being told no for getting into things once I learned to walk, saying things a child shouldn’t say, and annoying everyone with nonsense.
-first rejection from a girl
-losing in sports….repeatedly
-throwing up on the “cool kids”
-failing at college….3 times
-a failed marriage
-being told “you are not my Dad”
-drinking and drugging my life away to the point of felony convictions.

Life has not been all ups and down. There are lots of times where life just is what it is….like just another numbered space on the board.

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-spending time with family
-relaxing with a cup of coffee
-sleeping
-enjoying a laugh with friends
-helping others

Life is more than earning a buck and coming out with lots of stuff.

Roll with good times.

Roll with the bad times.

Enjoy the gifts that the world has to offer.

Grow up from your youth….but never grow out of it.

Sooner or later it all ends anyway.

Hmm…turns out board games aren’t just child’s play after all.