Unexpected surprises are a good thing.
Usually when checking the mail, I am bombarded with bills, cut off notices, and pizza coupons.
But not today!!
I received a fancy envelope with a gold foil stamp on it.
Turns out, I have been specially selected from a random portion of our towns population to be a judge for a fashion show.
I was Giggity with anticipation. I even informed my wife of my good fortune.
“Check it out honey….I have been selected to judge a fashion show.” I said gleefully.
She giggled and replied,
“You? What are you judging? Paint stained jeans and beat up high tops? That’s about the extent of YOUR fashion sense…..”
I smirked and retorted,
“Don’t be jealous. They must have gotten ahold if that Internet IQ test I took….I should be a member of MENSA.”
She shook her head and said under her breathe,
“You should be a member of something. Go ahead make us proud….like you always do.”
And smirked…once again….as she left the room.
I get all fancied up with my only Izod polo shirt, my only pair of jeans without work related memories on them and my new Chuck Taylor’s that I bought for the event……with the Eddie Van Halen guitar print on them (BOOYAH), and followed the cryptic map to the fashion show.
Living in a small town, it’s not too hard to find big events….just look for the crowd of monster trucks and barely running 80’s Lincoln Town Cars and you will pretty much be there.
It was odd to me that it was on a hunting ranch on the outskirts of town….but hey chicks in bikini’s are fine with me wherever it happens to be.
I went up to the gate and flashed my fancy invitation.
A guy in overalls and fishing boots took a look at it and a look at me and said,
“We been waitin fer you. Kinda overdressed ain’t ya?”
“I wanted to make sure everyone knew I was a judge, so I fancied up.”
“Suit urself. You are with Tiny…” He said and pointed to a raised building about 25 yards away. I now know it what is referred to as a “deer blind”….whatever. Bring on the scantily clad women!!
I opened the door and walked in….barely….an sat down. Tiny was anything but tiny.
“Ur jus in time, boy. Round 1 is about to start.” He said as he handed me binoculars.
“What are these for?” I asked
“Without em, ya may not find the new designs…”
“Wha….????” I thought as I raised them to my eyes.
He is looking and writing numbers down on his pad. I’m looking and getting more frustrated.
I turn my head while looking through the lenses to the left and then slowly over to the right and say,
“I DONT SEE ANYTHING BUT FREAKING TREES AND FOLIAGE!!!” I yelled.
He looks at me funny and says…
“That means they got great designs….ain’t you never been to a camouflage fashion show, boy?”
This fashion show sucks.