The Write Start

I have made the decision to jump into the realm of possibly putting the time and effort into considering opening up my imagination and carefully piecing enough words, phrases, sentences, paragraphs, pages and chapters together to create a book.

For this venture into the unknown, I needed something to create the words on.

My iPhone works great for posting on this blog but not so much for creating my subsequent masterpiece.

For Father’s Day, my wife commandeered a PC from her parents to aid me in my journey.

To steal a term, I call it-

“The Dark Tower”

That’s the name of the PC….not the book. I’m a few shingles short of a roof but I’m not crazy.

My step daughter who loves to type wanted to try it out. So she pushed the “on” button to the monitor and waited….

And waited….

“I think this thing is broken…” She confidently stated.

“Ummm..it’s not broken, you need to turn the power onto the black rectangular box that is next to you on the floor for it to work.” I replied

“Oh…my bad.” She said with a hair flip and a smile.

She hit the power button. It sounded like a aircraft was leaving the runway.

She then asked,

“Where is Microscope Word, so I can type?”

“Ugggh…”

“Thanks. What should I type?”

“I want an essay on ‘Why chickens don’t have lips.” I said.

And here is what she wrote…..

I may have to rethink my plan. How could I possibly top that?

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The Simple Ton

I’m stubborn.

There it is …I said it. I wrote. I live it.

Yesterday I proved it.

My in-laws needed help. They needed railroad ties for the parking lot of the business they are about to open.

No problem.

I have a truck to transport them. I am able bodied enough to move them without issue….

So I thought.

They requested 10 railroad ties.

My wife and I got into my truck and headed to the specified location where the ties were to be found.

My wife asked if I would need assistance loading them, and requested that I call one of my friends for help.

My reply-

“Honey….I am a man. I am a man that works in construction every day. I lift and carry heavy objects on a regular basis. I don’t need no stinking help.”

Her reply-

“Suit yourself.”

With quite a bit of huffing and puffing and straining and tugging, I got all 10 into the truck and we drove home.

I heard my tires scream at me…..

“You idiot! This is too much weight for us to stroll around with!!!”

I heard loud and clear.

Once arriving at home I decided to Google how heavy railroad ties were.

Here are the specs-

99 percent of the railroad ties in the US are still wood and each ones weighs approximately 200 pounds. A typical wood railroad tie is 8-1/2 feet long, 9 inches wide, and 7 inches thick, and made from a variety of hardwoods (such as white pine and cedar).

Knowing that info….I had to rethink some things.

Here is some simple math-

-I have a half-ton pick up.
-I have 10 railroad ties in the back which weigh 200 pounds each.
-The total of said ties is 2000 pounds.

I have a ton of weight in my half ton.

That is “no bueno”.

My simple mind tells me-

“Half of those ties that bind need to come off, genius.”

My muscles, which were already sore, began to cramp in defiance.

Like I said….I’m stubborn.

So I returned to the chalkboard for more simple math.

-Each tie weighs 200 pounds.
-Each tie is 8 1/2 feet long
-I am roughly 158 3/4 pounds
(Yes that 3/4 makes a difference)
-I am 6’3″ tall

I figured if I could lift myself 6 times without issue, I should be able to lift the required ties off the truck.

Simple gravity tells me I can’t lift myself off the ground and I look like a mental patient trying to do so in my front yard.

To make long story a ton shorter, I got the 5 ties off the truck, drove the other 5 to the business about 40 miles away, unloaded them and placed them, and drove home.

Today I am in a ton of pain. My right shoulder hates me. I can’t move my neck more than a quarter of the way toward either side. I haven’t slept. I feel stupid for being stubborn and not asking for help.

Moral of the story-

Asking a simpleton to move a ton of ties is a simple recipe for a ton of muscles in ties.

Lose The Name Tag

obvious[ ob-vee-uhs ]
adjective
1. easily seen, recognized, or understood; open to view or knowledge; evident: an obvious advantage.
2. lacking in subtlety.
3. being or standing in the way.

Just in case the picture along with the definition from dictionary.com was not clear enough, here it is used in a statement-

It is quite obvious that what I am looking at is a pole…..I don’t believe it needs a name tag.

Get educated.

Seriously.

How Now…..

Bet you knew the rest of the phrase…

But maybe not the meaning.

Wikipedia (who knows EVERYTHING, by the way),defines the phrase as-

“How now brown cow” is a phrase used in elocution teaching to demonstrate rounded vowel sounds. Each “ow” sound in the phrase represents an individual diphthong. The phrase does not have an explicit meaning per se, but can be used as a light-hearted greeting. Its use in teaching elocution can be dated back to at least 1926.

Now you know…..

So, go put on your diphthong and start learning.