Yada Yada Yoda


I have been feel creatively meh…

The imagination train has left the station and left me on the platform with a ticket stub to Nowheresville.

I was talking to my coffee cup about this very thing this evening.

And this was his reply-

“Happens to every guy, sometimes this does.”

I asked in reply,

“So…..what do I do about it?”

“Creativity is not obtainable by drinking from the head of a Jedi master…it is to be learned, it must.”

“I try to be creative, old green one, it just comes out as ‘see jane …see Jane run…’ And that just won’t cut it.”

He squints his ceramic eyes and answers in the only way he knows how.

“Clear your mind must be, if you are to find the creative that dwells within. To be writer is to face the truth, and choose. Give off light, or darkness. Be a candle or the night.”

I ponder on his wisdom for a few second then pick him up and take a large sip of coffee from where the top of his head should be.

I then place him on the table and turn him to face me, so I can give him a proper reply.

“If I clear my mind of the clutter that clouds my creativity….then my imagination will be set free? Wow! That’s pretty good stuff from a ceramic goblet!”

He smiles his Jedi smile and replies,

“Secret, shall I tell you? Grand Master of Jedi Order am I. Won this job in a raffle I did, think you? ‘How did you know, how did you know, Master Yoda?’ Master Yoda knows these things. His job it is. Ceramic goblet gig just to pay bills it is.”

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Coffee…..Enema?


This is the news headline I had the displeasure of reading courtesy of ABCNews.com-

Florida Couple Addicted to Coffee Enemas, 100 a Month

After reading the headline I said aloud,

“What is wrong with people?”

Then, of course, I had to read the article….because in order to ask that type of question I needed to have the facts to back such a bold statement.

A minimum of 4 times a day each, this man and woman subject themselves to coffee enemas.

I will quote from the article-

Mike and Trina swear by their coffee. He enjoys a fine espresso grind, which is “on the cold side”; she prefers a “saturated blend” that is “warm and thicker.”

Sounds tasty…..

EXCEPT THEY DONT DRINK IT….

They enemize it.

Here is the definition if enema-

en·e·ma
/ˈenəmə/
Noun
1. The injection of liquid into the rectum through the anus for cleansing, for stimulating evacuation of the bowels, or for other therapeutic or diagnostic purposes.

No I will not post a picture or diagram to better illustrate.

How did this even get started?

I will let them explain-

“I started the whole debacle,” Trina, who did not want to reveal her last name, told ABCNews.com. “Then it took on a life of its own. I twice tried to stop and felt worse, so I do this every day and as much as I can. But it’s very time-consuming.”

“I love the way it makes me feel,” said Trina. “It gives me a sense of euphoria.”

The couple admits they perform their caffeinated enema at least four times a day. Once, Trina said she did “nine or 10” in a 24-hour period.

Her husband Mike, 45, said he initially thought, “Oh my god, how disgusting,” but then he tried it, “and now I am addicted.”

The best part? She didn’t want to reveal her last name. I have a strange feeling it’s….

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I have a few questions for the adventurous couple….

Do they brew separate pots of coffee or do they own a Keurig single enema cup coffee machine?

Does cream and sugar make a difference?

Is Folgers the best part of waking up?

How do they pull this off or even explain it during Christmas or Thanksgiving….

“Hey honey as long as we are injecting the turkey why don’t you bend over so I can fill your ass up with some Dunkin Donuts Turbo Blend…”

Are they going to star in their own coffee commercial…..

We secretly replaced this couples normal coffee enema blend with Maxwell House Italian Roast…let’s see if they notice the difference…..

I may never drink coffee or have another prostate exam as long I live.

Again I ask…

“What is wrong with people?”

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