Pink Nightmare

Am I as comfortable in front of the camera as I am behind it?



That photo is why…

As a child I wanted to be an actor. Fame, money and flocks of women hounding me were my motivation.

Strange how one gig and a Mother’s click of a button can change all that.

Her “Aww..look how cute my son is!” moment,

Became my career ending, fame halting, forever known as my Ralphie from “A Christmas Story” never gotten over moment.

I look like a pink nightmare.

Discomfort……yeah, I feel it every time I see this.

I’m sure you can feel it too. Just look at the pain in my eyes….



Everything I Need To Know About Life I Learned From Chutes And Ladders

Timeless, children’s board games. They are fun and educational. Looking back, there was one that I always loved…

Chutes and Ladders.


Eventually I outgrew the game. It states on the box ages 3-7… one can be a child forever.

Or can we…

The basic premise of the game is to roll the dice and move to the figure the number of spaces that coincides with the dice. You may land on a chute or you may land on a ladder or you may just land on a numbered space.


Every day, life is like a roll of the dice. As my years have progressed I realize I have landed on the ladder space many times-

-learning to walk, talk, inquire and wonder
-winning in little league sports
-first date
-first kegger with the “cool kids”
-graduating high school
-getting married (twice)
-being a step father
-refraining from alcohol (and drugs) for a number of years
-buying that first new car

In comparison, I also realize I have landed on the chute space a number of times as well-

-being told no for getting into things once I learned to walk, saying things a child shouldn’t say, and annoying everyone with nonsense.
-first rejection from a girl
-losing in sports….repeatedly
-throwing up on the “cool kids”
-failing at college….3 times
-a failed marriage
-being told “you are not my Dad”
-drinking and drugging my life away to the point of felony convictions.

Life has not been all ups and down. There are lots of times where life just is what it is….like just another numbered space on the board.

-spending time with family
-relaxing with a cup of coffee
-enjoying a laugh with friends
-helping others

Life is more than earning a buck and coming out with lots of stuff.

Roll with good times.

Roll with the bad times.

Enjoy the gifts that the world has to offer.

Grow up from your youth….but never grow out of it.

Sooner or later it all ends anyway.

Hmm…turns out board games aren’t just child’s play after all.

I Forget To Remember….So I Go Back To Move Forward

I have blogged about a lot of stuff.

To keep myself from repeating repeating myself (see what I did there?) I have to revisit the past.


To the Batcave!!

To anyone who is new to my “humble space of words”, there may be some posts that are so far hidden in the archive chamber that they are missed or lost. I hate to leave you out of the fruit loops.

Here are a list of a few that I had the most fun sharing-

Toopid Moose– a fiction story that rattled in my head for a few days. It started with only those two words.

Q Without the A– My stepson and his unanswerable questions

You’re So Cool-Me…..and one of my not very cool moments

The King of Fashion Advice– My stepdaughter asking me for fashion tips for the first and quite possibly the last time….

The Triangle Buffoon-My first venture into instrument playing greatness

Audio Estrogen– My wife and her music

Soulhat-the origin of of the blog name

Ahh…memory lane. I revisited….I relaughed…I think I peed myself a little…

Hide and Seek….to Death

The card that was slipped under the door of the hotel room had one word on it.


It was written in fancy cursive and raised a little off the paper. The word glistened.

My Dad turned the card over. On the back it said,

To compete, be in front of the hotel at 9 pm.

That was all.

My Dad read it, raised his brow and said, “I’m intrigued. You feel like seeing what this is all about?”

” Sounds cool. Like a mystery movie or something. Let’s do it!!”

We ventured out to the front of the hotel and sat on the bench and waited.
My digital calculator/watch said 8:57 pm.

At precisely 9 pm a really long, dark, black limousine pulled in front of the hotel. The expressionless driver got out and came over to the passenger side of the luxury car. It had to be our ride. He wore a t- shirt with one word on it-


My Dad shrugged his shoulders and said, “I guess this is for us. Time to go.”

We got in. The door closed. The driver returned to the driver’s seat and started the car.

The limo was cool. Lots of buttons, compartments, fancy stuff. My Dad rode in silence as I opened and closed pretty much everything.

After what seemed like forever, the car stopped. Our door was opened. We got out into what seemed like a parking lot…only it was filled with limos. The biggest mansion I had ever seen was at the other end. The driver motioned us to head toward the house.

We got to the house and rang the bell. It echoed loudly….like a scary movie.
I looked up at my Dad and smiled with anticipation.

The door opened. Another man stood there wearing a t-shirt with that one word on it.


He led us on a tour of the house. It was awesome. Room after room after room of awesomeness. When the tour was over we were led to the dining area where all the other chosen ones were located.

We were fed the meal of Kings. Anything I had ever thought about eating was on the table. It was….awesome.

After dinner. Who I guessed was the host, stood out on top of the spiral staircase and spoke.

“Each of you were sent an invitation to compete. You were “Chosen”. You are here. You will all compete for 1 prize. The winner of the competition will receive the deed to this mansion, all of its belongings, and the grounds which surround it. Each of you is a team comprised of a Father and a Son. You may compete as a team but there will be only 1 winner. The game we will play- Hide and Seek. The winner will be the last one alive. You will be given 1 hour to find your hiding place. Then I will come for you. If found, you will die. Your hour begins…….Now.”

The scrambling began. Father’s dragging sons to find there place of hiding. Inside….outside…wherever they could hide.

My Father and I ran outside. He stopped and looked down at me. He then knelt down to look me in the eye and said,

“Son, our best chance to win is to split up. You are smaller and quicker than I am. When we used to play this game I could really never find you. You can win and have all this for yourself. Hide. Win.”

He ran off into the trees. I was left by myself.

The first place I hid was under one of the limos. So many cars. I thought it gave me a shot.

Soon I began to hear short screams in the distance. The hour was up. The seek was on.

I stayed put for I think 4 or 5 screams. I thought they sounded closer each time. I couldn’t stay here.

Death was happening quick. Some of the chosen weren’t lasting very long. But this was the seekers house. He probably knew every hiding place there was!

Open area was no good. I dashed into the house.

I chose the largest, darkest room I could find. And I waited……..and I listened…..

I closed my eyes tight and prayed that my Dad was ok. The screams were now muffled but I could still hear them.

I opened my eyes. Looked out into the room. My heart was racing. I was sweating. Eyes darting back and forth looking for movement.

I thought I saw….I saw…..where am I? Why am I in my pajamas hiding behind the living room couch? I’m not in a strange mansion…. I’m at home…yup, I’m at home. I can hear my Dad snoring.

Stupid nightmare.

I get up from behind the couch. Still watchful….just in case. And go back to bed.

This has been a story of a recurring
dream I have had since childhood. Maybe, since I have finally written about it….it will stop.


Testicular Awakening

Boys are simple creatures. I should know. I was one. In most cases, even though I am into my 40’s, I still is one.

I used to enjoy building forts with my friends. Inside, outside, any side. It’s a boy thing. Now I remodel and build homes with my friends. Same concept, just more grown up.

I still squash bugs.

I still take target practice when I pee outside.

I still make an ass of myself to get the attention of the opposite sex. I married the woman of my dreams over 3 years ago and still go out of my way to get her attention.

When did getting that attention become so important and what was the catalyst?

For me, it comes down to one specific incident.

When- 5th grade
Where- the playground
Who- the girl
What- she peaked my attention with one simple flip of her ponytail
Why- because, much later in life I found out, that’s just what they do.

There I was, minding my own business, playing some game with my buddies, that involved who could punch who in the arm the hardest. And it happened.


She walked by and did that thing with her hair.

It was mesmerizing.

My buddy said, ” dude, I just punched you in the arm like 5 times, what are you staring at?”

“that girl.” I said

“why? You wanna trade Barbie dolls with her or something? Come on, punch me back!”

I just stared at her, and got a funny feeling in my midsection.

He said, ” I’m gonna go punch Joey, he fights back. Have fun Barbie boy” and slapped me in the back of the head.

I needed to react.

Not in retaliation of the head slap, I would just sneak mayo into his milk at lunch. That always worked.

The girl was a different story. I didn’t know what they did for fun. I knew nothing of dolls. I had action figures. I played in mud. They liked make up.

So in a rush decision, I did what I thought would get her attention. I walked up behind her confidently and yanked on her ponytail.

The world slowed as she turned around. She flipped her hair again to complete her 180.

WOW! How does she do that?

She smiled a heart racing smile and did what girls do when their hair is pulled.

She kicked me square in the marble sack.