G To The On


I have been the past participle of go (gone) for quite some time.

It has been good……

Coincidentally, those statements sum up the name of the blog….in a non word crime kind of way.

I initially wanted to call the blog-

Good2bethepastparticleofgo….but it took way too many backspaces and autocorrect deletions to get it done without blowing out a brain vein.

To avoid unnecessary visits to the neurologist I went with gone.

Regardless of how the blog came to be….dust has begun to settle on the homepage.

I guess I have been waiting on Lassie to come by to tell me that my blog has fallen into a well and needs help.

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Well…

I have a small version of Lassie as a pet, but she is old….blind in one eye, going blind in the other, has 1bum leg and is more concerned with licking the floor than giving a damn about anything else.

So that’s probably not it.

A day became two, which ran into a week, which rolled in another.

Gone.

I have no idea where the time went (irregular simple of go).

During my time away from this post office, I have been constructing.

Upper decks-

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Lower decks-

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The decks have been stacked against me.

In my off time, instead of blogging, I sit on the sofa and stare at the walls.

Every once in a while, my wife will sit next to me and wipe the drool off my chin.

Simply irregular past participally….

Gone.

Instead of going farther gone I’m gonna get a grip and get going on getting the gears grinding and get gooder at being good2begone.

Gracias.

This post was brought to you in part by the letter”g”……

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And a rooster playing tag with a dog.

The Breathe Right


When you own your breath, nobody can steal your peace.”

~Author Unknown

Good thing the author of that quote is unknown….if I knew him/her, I would find them and slap them upside the head with my good arm.

Here’s why-

Sleep for me has been hard to come by. My recent surgery has made it difficult to get comfortable.

I toss,

I turn,

And

I Repeat……

Repeatedly.

From about 8 am this morning until 11:24 I had found “the sweet spot”.

At 11:24 and approximately 3 seconds, I began to feel a poking and light prodding at several areas of my back.

As I began to wonder what was going on, I hear the slightly perturbed yet lovely voice of my wife ask….perturbedly-

“Hey…are you even breathing?”

I raise my head from my apparent dead sleep and reply-

“WHAT?”

She kisses me on the forehead and says,

“Yup you are….carry on. See you after work.”

And skips out of the room.

Breath owned…..

Peace still stolen.

Stupid author of the unknown quote on breathing.

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Shut up annoying giggly, yet cute, Asian looking adolescent meme….I’m trying to get back to sleep.

Covered on Sunday-Get….Get Funky


Few artists have the bravo to come onto the scene, kicking in the doors of a genre that…by looks…they would never fit into.

And then came “The Beastie Boys”.

Originally a punk band…true…that made noise with an self released album named “Cooky Puss”.

They grasped hold of the hip hop scene with their huge album “License To Ill”, which when released had no images of the band.

They let the music do the talking.

The rest is music history.

For this week, I chose my favorite Beastie track off their album “Paul’s Boutique”. It brings the funk and pays homage to none other than “Saturday Night Fever” and the disco era.

The cover is quite entertaining as well. 2 guys, 1 guitar, a bucket and a cowbell.

Ain’t it funky, now!

The Beastie Boys…..you have been covered on Sunday.

The Silence Of Lucidity


Clarity is…..a smile that is unseen.

It is felt through the deep staggered inhale that helps to fight back the tears that is the knowing that something has got to give.

It’s the silence of being alone in a room overcrowded with inner thoughts and the barrenness of answers.

It’s the single teardrop that fights free from the ducts of stubbornness and washes away the armor of personal deceit.

It is the surrender to the cycle of self.

It is rehabilitation of the soul….the rejuvenation of unparalleled confidence.

It is the storm that passes….

and the revelation that it will return.

Clarity is…..a glimpse into maybe.

Coprolite 90210


Instead of letting it hit the fan, a gallery in luxurious Beverly Hills is putting it up for sale.

The town that been known for selling overpriced crap for years, is finally selling something for what it is….

CRAP.

Want to know what’s really down and out in Beverly Hills?

Then read this story from Michael Roppolo courtesy of CBS NEWS-

(Side note-I deleted some of the crap in the middle of the story)

Longest fossilized poop to be sold at auction

Anyone know what coprolite is? Anyone? Anyone?

If anyone had the guts to guess fossilized excrement, they would be right. What is being described as possibly the longest piece of ancient poop ever found will be sold at an auction on Saturday at the I.M. Chait Gallery in Beverly Hills, Calif.

According to the gallery’s catalogue, this “enormous and rare” specimen first appeared between the Miocene and Oligocene eras — that’s roughly 20 million years ago. Priced at $8,000 to $10,000, the fossilized poop boasts an “even, pale brown-yellow coloring” and is about 40 inches in length. Still, the “passer of this remarkable object is unknown,” notes the catalogue.

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“Believe it or not,” he said in an email, “[coprolites] are actually quite collectible and most fossil collectors and natural history buffs have, or want, some in their collections.”

If previous sales are any indication, this impressive piece of coprolite may even fetch more than the appraised price. A collection of “naturally-colored fossil dung” featured by the auction house in May 2013 was priced at $2,500 to $3,500; it sold for $5,185, according to Chait.

In 2008, a pile of dinosaur dung dating from the Jurassic era, estimated to be worth $450, sold for nearly $1,000 at Bonhams New York. The buyer was the owner of a company that made products for pets. He told The Associated Press he hoped to use the dung as a motivator for his employees and as a marketing tool at trade shows.

I’m sure we all could have done without the crappy picture. I guess it’s like a CSI clue to help them find the “passer of this remarkable object”.

I guess crappy pay checks aren’t enough to motivate employees anymore.

I hope this isn’t their idea for raising the minimum wage…

I got a lot of crappy jokes for this one but this segment his over.

I’m good2begone…and that’s the news that’s too good to flush.

The Vision Quest


I often say, “I could do that with my eyes closed”, or “I don’t need glasses to see”, because I like to convince myself that my vision is perfect.

Today, I will put it to the test for all to see.

For “Test #1 part A” I will type a simple sentence into my iPhone keyboard and pay attention to what I am doing.

Part B will be the same sentence…but with my eyes closed.

Let’s see how it works out!

A
This is what is type when I watch what I am doing.
B-
This is snag I fgks j find dzhcnd shah j an clubs

For “Test 2 part 2” I will type a simple sentence while watching what I am doing and wearing my glasses.

Part 2 will be the same sentence but without my glasses.

This is what is typed when I wear my glasses.

This is she god typed when I wear my glades.

The results of my findings are as follows-

1- I can’t type with my eyes closed or without my glasses.

2- auto correct is a sham.

3-my boredom vision is 20/20.

The Deliverance


The world has been flipped on its axis and is spinning out of control. I just don’t know what the future holds. The news I heard today has obliviated my faith in pretty much everything.

Since I heard…said earth shattering news…I have been walking around my house mumbling under my breath the same phrase

Over.

And.

Over.

Wait….

Wait a minute….

Mr. Postman.

Over and over.

It’s hard to believe…I know right…

He is FREAKING RETIRING!!!

How can he do this to me?

At the end of the month he will most likely be replaced by some punk hipster rookie new age Prius driving hopefully deliver the mail before dark….postal…..guy.

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I will probably have to get the house numbers repainted on the curb so he will know where to go.

I might even have to put our name AND address on the rickety old mailbox that is barely hanging on by half a screw.

Our mailbox has a gangsta lean.

CRAP!

He might request that we replace the mailbox….

Mr. Postman…look and see….if you retire where will my mail be?

I’m either on the verge of going postal or I’m having a….

The Jack


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The land of the fee
And
The home of the knave

Notoriety is the goal
And
Fame is on the crave

The raise of a hand
Replaced
By a middle finger wave

All men created equal
But during a crisis
Who is granted a save

Embracing differences
Should be forefront but
Back room condescension
Is all the rave

One planet, one race
Destined
For one grave

Wheel. Of. Misfortune.


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I’d like to buy a vowel, please….

Sure. You have 5 to choose from.

Sometimes 6.

Then….I will buy 2.

Y and U.

And….

I’d like to solve the puzzle, please.

Sure…take your shot.

Y U NO SERVICE YOUR TRUCK BEFORE WE GO OUT OF TOWN FOR WORK, INSTEAD OF WAITING UNTIL WE ARE CRAPPED OUT ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD IN THE MIDDLE OF GOOD LUCK FINDING A MECHANIC and NOWHERESVILLE

That is correct.

Freaking awesome. What do I win?

An all expense paid to club stress and frustration.

Enjoy your stay.

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4 hours from home. No coffee. No way to get to work. No way to get home.

Sometimes…..

It’s not good2begone.

Waiting 4 Monday


I was asked to participate in a post on a blog other than mine.

C.K. Hope asked me. Her blog is called daisiesfromdust

I’m not going to be on her blog. Although you should check it out cuz…it’s Awesome (with a capital A)

She also writes and contributes on another blog with 2 other bloggers. That blog is called runningonsober.

That’s the blog I will be on. It is Awesome with a capital “A” as well.

The post is called “Life in 6 Songs”, each Monday 2 different bloggers are featured. It is a great way to hear a side of the person you read that you might not normally get to see….or hear….whatev…

The premise is to chronicle your life in only 6 songs.

I’m a music guy and was excited to participate.

I had about a month to prepare.

I turned in my contribution after 48 hours…..and have had to wait for it to come out.

Monday is the day.

Mark your calendar. Set an alarm. Kick the rooster. Whatever you have to do to remember.

Monday.

You get to hear my life set to music…and read what each song represents…

It like the best of both worlds.