Memory Lane


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Norman Bates: …..No one really runs away from anything. It’s like a private trap that holds us in like a prison. You know what I think? I think that we’re all in our private traps, clamped in them, and none of us can ever get out. We scratch and we claw, but only at the air, only at each other, and for all of it, we never budge an inch.

Marion Crane: Sometimes… we deliberately step into those traps.

Norman Bates: I was born into mine. I don’t mind it anymore.

Marion Crane: Oh, but you should. You should mind it.

Norman Bates: Oh, I do…
[laughs]…..But I say I don’t.

Quotes from Alfred Hitchcock’s “Psycho”

Image by good2begone.

Roll The Bones


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 “After that my guess is that you will never hear from him again. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist. And like that… he is gone.
 
Quote taken from the film ‘The Usual Suspects’. Spoken by Roger “Verbal” Kint, played by Kevin Spacey, speaking about Kayser Soze.

Image by good2begone.

Phantom Bridge


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“And so you haunt me. Always with me, you are the invisible diner at our table, the constant presence that trails me as I go about my daily routine…. In the darkness of a closed-lidded world, you are alive and vital, unchanging, mine. You are the ghost of everything that once was lovely… a shadow casts its majesty over everything that remains…”

~Samantha Bruce-Benjamin, The Art of Devotion

Photo taken and edited by good2begone.

The Cabinet Makeover


For some D.I.Y. stands for “Does Involve Yelling” and not it’s intended moniker of “Do It Yourself”.

But,

When you think about it, any project taken on usually involves raised voices of some kind.

I’m sure we have all had some sort of disaster that has occurred when trying to complete a task for the first time.

Pinterest can’t  make artists out of all of us…..

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And who doesn’t want to create origami sculptures sure to impress….

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Origami….na zo good.

My wife and I take on some DIY projects from now and then.

It’s something we enjoy and we can do it together.

We just recently finished refurbishing a wardrobe cabinet.

We magically turned it into a kitchen storage cabinet.

We paid $37.50 for the cabinet at an antique shop here in the sticks.

I don’t know about anyone else thinks but basically an antique shop is a yard sale encased between 4 walls.

It comes down to buying what someone else wants to get rid of.

I’m cool with that.

It was pretty rickety……the cabinet….not me.

But, we had grand ideas for it.

Initially we hit up the Home Depot and bought shelving, stain, clear coat and nails…..

“Home Depot – you can do it….now pay for your crap and get out.”

And had already spent more than we paid for it.

That upset me…Cuz I’m a cheapskate.

We took the cabinet shelving back… its an old cabinet…..why put new shelves?

I went to work the next day, where I am remodeling a house. I took off the siding from the house a few weeks ago.
The siding was put up in the ’70’s.

It’s old.

But it’s solid wood and was in tremendous shape.

Old cabinet…..old shelves…

And bingo was his name….OH

I lined the inside of the cabinet with the siding to strengthen it up. Put 2 upper shelves and one shelf that opens like a trunk door, in order to store our larger cookware stuff and things.

What once was old and neglected is now functional and brings new life to our kitchen.

Here is the start to finish collage of our creation.

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All that done for under $70.

And the only yelling involved occurred when I smacked myself in the head when the door snuck open while I was staining underneath it.

Maybe, it should stand for-

Don’t Injure Yourself….

Shifting Shapes


If you are new here…I am Good2begone…..recently unemployed and in the process of remodeling a bathroom for my in laws…..where make no mistake…the mother in law is the boss.

The bathroom in question has not been in use since Clinton was in office.

For those of you not old enough to remember the Clinton years, he was the one who said-

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman….”

Complete with fist in motion, thumb pointed upward.

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That was neither here nor there. Just a point of reference for time reference purposes.

Anyone who waits over 20 years to complete a task has to be opinionated. 

My in laws were at odds at how they wanted the bathroom to look. My mother in law got her way by waiting 20 years for the win.

We went to the Home Depot to pick out the tile for the job. She decided on the pattern for the tile based on the way a single tile was displayed. 

“I want it like that.” She said as she pointed at the tile.

“You want a diamond pattern in your bathroom based on 1 tile? How about we look up some tile jobs on the Internet to be sure…” I calmly replied.

“Nope…that’s what I want.”

Ugggh.

I started tiling on Monday.

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The trick with the diamond pattern is to start with a full tile in the middle of the largest wall. Once a tile has to be cut at the end of the wall, the remaining piece is used to start the next wall.

And so on….

And so on…

This is what I ended up with.

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Next was the floor. She wanted a diamond pathway from the entryway to the shower with a square pattern on either side.

To make a straight pathway, triangles had to be made by cutting the diamond tiles in half.

Surround the path way with squares and whala. 

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“What about the walls? ” I asked

You guessed it.

Diamonds,  triangles and squares….oh my.

I finished that yesterday and grouted it all today.

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What’s the verdict?

I have been crowned their favorite son in law……

I would normally be beaming about that kind of praise except for one thing…

I am their only son in law.

The Awesomeness Of Awkwardness


The monetary outlook for this holiday season remains on the bleak side. In order to compensate I have taken on doing family photos in our community.

The problem with that is…..

PEOPLE AIN’T RIGHT!

I should have known better than to carry on my wayward son when this was my first client-

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Then came the Reese family where honesty is always the best policy-

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I’m not one to complain but it got a little weird when I was asked to create an homage to “puss n boots”-

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My next client wanted a natural photo for their session, I decided to incorporate nature….since you know…nothing says Christmas like a coconut bra and big leaves-

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My frustration started to boil over from the lunatic fringe when this one family wanted the usual picture with Santa…..I said, “Flip that frown, not flip the bird!”

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My last session….for obvious reasons, didn’t go as well as they wanted but it’s not my fault….the little brat heard Santa wasn’t real…..I felt it was my job to show her he was…..At least until 2000 that is-

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So….I can scratch family photography from my list of job options….

Maybe I should try wedding planner next…

Disclaimer – not my photos. Blame the people who actually posted them on the Internet not the guy who is making (more) fun of them.

The Bob, Tim and Marty Project


She uttered the words that every husband fears hearing-

“Honey, I need you to do something for me while I am at work.”

I replied with the words that every wife knows was a lie-

” I can’t. I’m going to be neck deep in stuff today.”

Naturally, the battle of wills continued,  where I was destined to lose.

“By neck deep in stuff,  I am sure you mean stuck on the sofa wrapped up in a blanket, listening to your horrid choices of what you call music. I know you aren’t working until all the drama is worked out….so don’t give me that crap about being too busy. The Christmas party at the group is Saturday and I am in charge of making the centerpieces for the tables. I’m working….you…are not, therefore, I delegate the responsibility to you.”

I look at her with my best I’m gonna tear onto you look.

Then don’t….because I am scared of her and she’s right.

But,

to prove to myself that I still have a backbone I reply anyway.

“For your information,  my choices in music are reserved for those with refined palettes of sound…that of which you and your kind do not possess. As far as centerpieces go…I am more of a Bob Vila, than a Marty Stewart.” I said as a pulled up the blanket.

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“It’s Martha Stewart…and with your hospital bills, I would say you are more Tim Taylor than anything

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…..I need 8 centerpieces. Go buy the stuff and make them.” She replied as she handed me cash.

“UGGH! You know I hate spending money, I’m cheap…what do I know about centerpieces?” I asked as I took the cash.

“I know you’re cheap….why do you think I am having you do it? The plus is…you are creative. All you need to know is that it is a casual Christmas party…Santa, snowmen…you know holiday theme.  You will do great. Thanks, honey you are the best!”

She kisses me and leaves for work.

Before the car drives away, I yell out to her-

“HAVE YOU GORGOTTEN THAT I HATE CHRISTMAS?”

I see her smile her wifey smile and drive on.

So…..

I’ve got cash and an objective.

The best place for a cheap bastard like me to go for holiday supplies is obviously Big Lots and Dollar stores.

I need to dress for the occasion.

Flannel shirt, pajama pants,  black socks,  sandals.

Yep…..that should do it. I mean…..I want to look like I belong there….I hate to stand out.

After 2 hours of painstaking aisle scavenging and idea formulation, I return home with the goods and create my first centerpiece-

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After approval from the boss, I create 7 more-

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Marty Stewart can suck it.

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Oops, I mean Martha….