No matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to get a head in this world…..
R U 😊?
Not just at this moment…but generally speaking….or writing as it may be…
How does one get there?
I believe it’s an individual journey.
I also believe that until I was happy with myself….as in who I am, that I couldn’t be happy WITH anyone or anything else.
That occured well into my late 30’s.
I’m in my early 50’s now.
Does that mean I was miserable my first 30+ years of existence?
That was a happiness of the growing up variety.
I was a people pleaser, fad follower, just…like me please, kind of person.
A portrayer of a goofball without a care while the home life was the shadow of pain I couldn’t get away from. Always right at my feet casting a darkness that hid behind the smile.
My first “real” taste of happiness was my discovery of the euphoria of cocaine.
It was instantaneous.
What I didn’t know at the time was that level of happiness would NEVER be attained again.
That didn’t stop me from chasing it.
I NEEDED that happy to make me feel anything.
The chase took over a decade and I gave away EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE to pursue it.
I pursued it into psychosis and faced the real possibility of a lengthy prison sentence.
Chemical happiness is not happiness.
It was a lie.
I had to begin the pursuit again from
By zero….I mean..
I GAVE all that away to pursue my so called happy
I had to find a way to be comfortable with myself….
To truly find happiness.
During that pursuit I realized that distractions had to be eliminated.
For me, that was TV, movies anything that took time away from….me.
Those were escapes. I was tired of escapes.
If I could sit alone by myself, with my own thoughts, without going nuts I had a chance to find the elusive happiness.
That didn’t happen overnight.
It took time.
It’s been over 15 years since then.
The elusive true happy of me was found and nurtured throughout that time.
It has allowed me to find happy with another.
My younger than me wife and the ever expanding family that goes with it.
But without my personal happy, none of that would be possible.
There are still ups and downs,naturally, and the pursuit continues, but it’s a sustaining pursuit more than a seeking pursuit.
Thought this lifetime pursuit, there has been one constant-
It’s has been part of me for as long as I can remember.
Through the hardships of then to the life of now it’s always been my companion.
So I ask again…
R U 😊?
Whatever the answer, keep up the pursuit.
Does the human advancement of technology take us farther away from what makes us….human?
I am fortunate enough to follow and am followed by bloggers from all over the world, who come from different backgrounds and have their own perspectives on their world and the world that surrounds them.
Which is why I enjoy following.
I started the conversation…I would like to know opinions, thoughts, ideas…anything on the question.
Just leave a comment please. Any piece of enlightenment or spark of knowledge would be appreciated.
Reflections of hope
An ocean of despair
Head full of artillery
A declaration of warfare
A simple request
Must be taken
An uneven reply
Leaves one shaken
Emotions on the brink
For a resolution
Triggers vocal ammo
Any chance for solution
When the claws of depression
Sink in and
The last thing one wants hear
Is everything will be
“Shut up! Enough already, Ballstein. Who cares about Gracie anyway? The dog has only one look for Christ’s sake! Blue Steel, Ferrari, Le Tigre? They’re the same face! Doesn’t anyone notice this?!
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. I invented the piano key necktie. I invented it! What have you done, Gracie? Nothing! YOU’VE GOT NOTHING! NOTHING!!”
Quote from Mugatu, taken from the film Zoolander.
Pics of the same face….our dog, Gracie, and one combo pic with our beloved wolf, Mischa. Both of whom are no longer with us.
She’s so hot right now….
Found this in the archives of good2begone. It gave me a needed smile and laugh. Hope it does the same for someone else.
Better not let me find out that my passengers were tricked instead of treated……
Whenever I remember Dede, I would sit alone in my room, stifling my sobs with my pillow. I would think of him until my heart ached, knowing that he is gone. Dede came to live with us seven years ago. He was a little boy around my age—eight years old—who had eyes so wide they […]my parents adopted him just so they could harvest his heart for me.
Loved this bit of fiction so much that I had to share it. Hope it is enjoyed by someone else as much as I.
Traveling through visions
Of a life led astray
Places better left
A few should have stayed
Choices made in haste
Decisions well planned
Times of success
Others in quicksand
A youth well wasted
Maturity in doubt
Adulthood won’t wait
Time to figure it out
Reflection in the mirror
Culmination of days
The visions of astray
Surpassed by today