The Retinazation Principle

by good2begone


My new Eyewear experiment has been implemented over the last 4 days. I have no line bifocals. I really wanted standard prison issue frames…..

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The reason?

I don’t want to look smart and intellectual…I want to look tough and intimidating.

What better way to make people think you are tough and intimidating when you are actually passive and skinny than to wear frames issued by the correctional system.

Corrective Eyewear from the people who correct people for a living.

Well….I WAS framed…but not by the penal system.

I blame my wife.

Here are my eyes…newly framed.

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They are fashionable in a double wide sort of way…..

The downside of bifocals is-now I have actually look people directly on the eyes when I talk to them.

I’m normally a sideways glance, look over my glasses kind of talker.

I used to see clearly that way.

Now I dont.

Now…I not only have to look people in the eyes….

But I have to be interested in what they are saying as well.

Clearly that’s an issue.

Why?

Because I have terrible hearing as well.

Next…the contact experiment.

Here is what the eye doctor told me about the contacts.

The one in my dominant eye is for farther distances.

The one for my other is for shorter distances.

My powers of deduction tell me that when I cross my eyes I should see perfectly.

I tried to start reading a book with my contacts in. 

In order for the words to not have a blurry halo around them I have come up with 4 choices.

1-

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Great……a constant look of surprise….or fear…I will let you decide.

2-

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Even better…..a patch-less pirate. Arrr matey.

3- Change out the contacts and wear my glasses for reading purposes.

And lastly,

4-Audiobooks.

For which I would have to listen in mono bucause my hearing is nowhere near compatible with stereo sound.

When I use headphones I only need one side.

Unfortunately, they don’t sell headphone.

Unless I want to look like a telemarketer…..which I dont.

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They never look tough and intimidating….just whiney and annoying. 

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