Contact High

I have been alive for enough decades to make a bold statement about decay.

Over the last few denominations of time, marked in series of tens, my eyesight has seriously been veering toward out of focus Avenue…..which is one block past the intersection of read the bottom line of letters on the chart again street and do even know the alphabet lane.


I used to be able to read the “are you tall enough to ride this ride sign” from the flea circus that was attached to my dog, Mr. Bungledorf, from across the room…



I take my best shot at hoping to put a flea collar on the dog instead of the vacuum cleaner.

It would be easy to say that it just happens with age.

Not for me…

I blame global warming.

The stupid polar ice caps are melting and sending colder air down towards normally warm Texas….


And it had been happening for decades.

This colder air has been getting into my eyes…..freezing my optic nerve sensory pupilated cornea globes and therefore causing my eyesight to worsen.

I have had to change my vision sensors…otherwise known as glasses, 3 times over the last 6 years.

Now I have to wear bifocals….


Get me Al Gore on the phone.


My new coke bottle prescription will be in….in a week or so.


I’m getting contacts, too.

But, not until Thursday because I have to be shown how to put them in and clean them.

There sending me to Contact High for the lesson.

How hard could it be?

Just grab some tweezers to prop the lids open and apart……put the contact upside down on my finger and shove it in.


Class…..I don’t need no stinking class.

I just need to see so I can stop peeing in the closet in the middle of the night.

I used to not have to get up to pee in the middle of the night….

But that global warming……..


4 thoughts on “Contact High

  1. Haha qwitcher…sorry, I couldn’t finish cuz I like you too much. Bifocals since the age of seven. Difficult to sympatheyes.. sorry, had to. Good luck with the contacts.


    • Ha! I have known for a long time that I needed them, I really just hoped that my sheer stubbornness would force my eyes to correct themselves. Eyes-1 or should probably be 2, Me-0.

  2. My husband is a blind as a mole. Had coke bottle glasses as a kid. He has worn contacts forever. I thought it would be funny to switch them around in the little container. I was foiled, as they are the same for both eyes. Needless to say, he did not think I was funny. Good luck, welcome to the other side.

    • I’m hoping the contacts I get have an ‘L’ on one and an ‘R’ on the other. I got my glasses today I feel like I’m walking around drunk getting used to them. They are quite awkward and difficult to get used to but I will.

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