Shell Shook


I felt old….used…..worn out. I had spent the last 4 years putting all my trust and confidence into the few I saw and worked with day in and day out.

As the saying goes, I put all my eggs into one basket, set it on top of a wall and viewed the world from my perch , oblivious to the fact that the ground the wall was built on had a cracked foundation.

Once the wall buckled, the basket tipped and the great Wall of Mine…uh, came tumbling down. 

The trust and confidence that were encased within the shells of the fragile  eggs lay strewn and scattered upon the ground.

The yoke was on me.

My wife and family couldn’t put me back together again….no matter how hard they tried.

I just lay there on the ground looking up at the once great wall that was now a broken dream…..a fantasy of wellness and security.

I’m not a pick myself up and get my ass back in gear kinda guy.

I’m a figure out what happened, analyze where I went wrong and change directions to completely avoid the same thing from reoccurring kinda guy.

So…..

After about a month of poor me syndrome, I came up with a game plan-

Shun all human contact, with the exception of wife and family, rebuild the shell with titanium and put trust and confidence in no one outside the confines of my own household.

Just work and be with the family.

Anything else can just suck an egg.

I’ve been a people pleaser my whole life. All it has gotten me is an omelet full of frustrations and regrets.

I just want to feel happy….not old, used and worn out.

I hear happiness is an inside job.

Which I guess means the yoke needs to be somewhere else besides on me.

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4 thoughts on “Shell Shook

  1. I am so glad you wrote!!!! I’ve been wondering/worrying about you and yours. Plus I just missed the hell out of your writing. Glad you’re on the mend (you ARE on the mend right?) and glad you’re back out here.

    When I was laid off from my former employer after 20 long years of service, I didn’t even realize how devastated I was for many months. To tell you the truth, I was laid off in 2008 and I’m just now feeling that my ego and self esteem has somewhat healed. I thought I was okay but, as usual, I wasn’t. What I WAS doing was kidding myself. Ha. Ha.

    I know your situation is different but I wanted you to know that I know what it feels like to have everything you’ve ever trusted crumble beneath you – and you haven’t done a damn thing to cause it except work your ass off.

    Have I said how happy I am that you’re on the way back? Oh yeah. Sorry.

    Sherry

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