The Drunker Cables

by good2begone

Heading to the convenience store should be what it says it is…..convenient.

For most people, they get the luxury of going in, getting what they conveniently need, pay too much for it and then get in their vehicles and mosey on to wherever they need to go.

That is the basis of a convenient store trip.

I… not most people.

Therefore, my convenient trip is never just that.

I am void of that particular luxury.

I went on that trip today. My convenient voyage turned into a annoying vacation.

All I wanted was a fountain drink. I left the house with exactly the amount of money I needed for that fountain drink, one dollar and fifty cents.

I even left my cell phone at home. I figured I didn’t need it. The store is less than a mile from our house, which makes it….convenient.

I get to the store. Take the money out of my pocket and head for the door with the plan of obtaining carbonated brown sugary goodness to quench my thirst.

When…..she stopped me at the threshold.

Who is….she?

Drunk girl with the jeans that are 3 sizes too small and the tank top that says,


She says in a slurred, trying to be helpless voice,

“‘Cuse me, sir….do you have any jumper cables?”

I reply,

“Nope.” And try to move by her.

She continues,

“Why doesn’t anyone around here have jumper cables?” In an annoying pout.

I answer with a question,

“Why don’t you have any?”

I should have just kept walking and kept my question to myself.

“Well you see…my boyfriend and I were at the park with some friends, playing our truck stereo and and I guess we left it on too long. Now we are stuck.”

I look across the street at the park. Only one truck….no friends….no boyfriend.

I still have some what of a soft side for the stranded, so I offer some help.

“Look, I have a friend who lives down the street. I will go get his cables and get your truck started.”

To this she replies,

“I’m not gonna ride with you.”

To which I replied,

“I wasn’t asking nor want you to. Just go over to your truck. I will be back in a moment.”

I then go in and conveniently get my soda and pay for it. She is still outside…..not headed for her truck…just…there.

She asks as I walk out,

“Do I need to go with you?” She says a little too close. Chest pushed out, stale beer smell pushing out further.


“No, just wait by your truck.”

As I am driving off to get the cables, I glance in the rear view mirror. She is zig zagging across the street with who I assume is the boyfriend who was hiding in the store while she begged for help from passers by.

What a class act.

I get the cables and return. As I am pulling into the park, she starts jumping up and down screaming,


with fresh beer sloshing in her right hand.

The boyfriend, also with fresh beer in hand is leaning coolly against his truck like a drunk James Dean, crushed empty cans at his feet.

I jump their truck and it starts immediately.

He thanks me.

She tries to gracefully saunter over to thank me,trips, knocking the soda out of my hand, then gives me a big hug and introduces herself and drunkily says, in what she thinks is a sexy low voice,

“I hope to see you again. Thank you, so much!”

I look at the boyfriend, give him a look and reply,

“No problem.”

I then went home.

To tell my wife where I had been, why I didn’t have my cell phone, why I didn’t have a soda and that I had to leave again to return the cables.

To make this trip more “convenient” (as she put it), she went with me.

There is no story to go along with that part.

We went.

Gave them back.

Came back home.

Freaking convenient.