Two Cans….Long String

by good2begone

I don’t believe in god, higher powers, omnipotent beings, celestial forces or deities.

I don’t pray, get on my knees before anyone, raise my arms to the sky to get closer to or think that spiritual things guide me.

I’ve tried.

I’ve read the books. I have read religious or spiritual teaching manuals from around the world and through the ages.

And still…..I don’t believe.

I’ve been to religious and spiritual organizations. Listened to each interpretation.

And still….I don’t believe.


I. Am. Perfectly. Happy.

(Uncomfortable pause)

As I placed the period on happy, a knock came at the door.

Upon opening the door, I see a well dressed woman with a leather bound bible and an invitation pamphlet.

The title on the pamphlet-

“The Real Leader of the World”

hosted by a religious affiliation….at a football stadium.

She invited my family and I to the event and handed me the pamphlet.

I took it, said thank you and shut the door.

(Return from uncomfortable pause)

I don’t press or discuss my non beliefs with anyone.

I respect others who have their beliefs.

I don’t go knocking on doors.

I try to not roll my eyes when I read stories of people seeing religious icons on toast.

I try not to roll my eyes further into the back of my head. when I read of the flocks of people who travel thousands of miles just to get a glimpse of that toast.

I try.

But to me it’s just toast. Slam some butter and jam on it and finish the task you started.

I’ve been called jaded, closed minded, damned, destined to go to hell…….

Choose your damnation for me and I’m pretty sure someone has guaranteed it for me already.

And still….

I. Am. Perfectly. Happy.

(Takes a deep breathe and long exhale)

What really bothers me is…..

People who believe (in their chosen creator) that they are being punished…or rewarded by that creator for deeds done….or undone.

Here is my case and point on that last statement.


For the last year, the small company I work for, has been remodeling a church.

I have been witness to the pastor and the Deacon penny pinching their way to get the job paid for.

I respect that.

It’s a community church, funded by the congregation and money is tight for everyone.


When it came time to remodel the pastor’s personal office, in the church, money was not an issue. High dollar flooring, large oak desk with leather throne to sit in.

What is good for the gander is not good enough for the goose.

Reminds me of the religious guys I used to see on TV growing up.

Every day we worked on his office, he would inevitably walk in, look around and say,

“God is good.”

I would roll my eyes and keep working.

My inner reply was this-

“Yeah buddy, God wants you to lavish your personal space with exquisite furnishings while your congregation has pews that are leveled out with old bibles. Nice.”


We were also installing a staircase from the second floor to the first. After we got the ceiling partially cut out and partially set in for the stairs, they decided they wanted it somewhere else.

We closed off a door at the top and instructed he and his staff to not go beyond the door. The ceiling rafters underneath were not strong enough to hold anyone at this point, and until we can fix it, the door should remain locked.


Guess who opened the door, walked through it and fell through the roof to the ground below getting a concussion and 3 broken ribs?

Yup. The pastor.

It’s been about a month and he is back behind the pulpit preaching the word.

We talked to him yesterday. He does not blame us nor expect us to take responsibility……

But here is what he told us happened that faithful day….

(Without dramatization….this is actually what he told us)

“That day I fell through, I got a call from God telling me not to go through that door. I thought the floor would hold me….so I did it. God punished me with my injuries for not abiding him.”


(Cue really long uncomfortable pause)

I had so many questions that I couldn’t ask because of my eyes rolling like slot machine cherries prevented me from speaking.

But here they are. In no particular order-

Are you on god’s family plan?

Was it a call, text or FaceTime?

How was the reception?

Who’s his carrier?

Did long distance rates apply?

What is Heaven’s area code?

Seriously….he called you?

I go through all of that to get to the


It is hard enough for me to keep searching for something to believe in when all I see is selfish acts that are blamed or given credit to in the name of something that can’t be proven.

The search will go on.