Stopping Squares

by good2begone


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Leaving the bar with a supermodel, only to wake up the next morning to something that looks like it got hit on the runway……

Using stale beer for mouthwash in the morning……

Light fixtures in apartment consist of beer logo neons….

Happy hour is the only thing you are on time for….

DWI stands for drinking while inebriated.

These are reasons to quit drinking alcohol.

Were they my reasons?

Umm….not completely, but I do admit to achieving that status of accomplishment.

My reasons were simple. The state of Texas gave me a choice. Either go to rehab and quit drinking for a period of 5 years

OR

enjoy a stay behind bars to serve out your 2 felonies. Each of which carried an up to 20 year sentence.

After much deliberation with myself about those choices, I realized that them wanting me to go to rehab was probably the better choice.

So I said, “yeah, yeah, yeah.”

It’s been almost 8 years and I am still sober.

Quitting alcohol has made me happier….

BUT

I was pretty much forced to stop with an either or choice.

I have been half heartedly trying to quit smoking for years.

I’m sure I have posted about it at least the last 3 times I attempted.

To no avail….

The health benefits of quitting don’t encourage me.

The health defects of continuing don’t distract me.

I. Am. Stubborn.

And….

I like smoking.

There I said it. What started out as thinking it made me look cool while I was drinking has become something that I have to do to keep me sane.

Wait…huh?

No.

I’m not addicted to them. I can quit any….time….I….

Crap.

Like any addiction, a person had to want to stop the behavior more than wanting to continue it.

For me, something had to happen to make me want to quit.

I mean REALLY want to quit.

Was it-

Threat of emphysema? No

Lung cancer? No

Threat of my esophagus being taken out and having to use a microphone up to my throat? No

I embarrassed myself into it.

Here is the real truth.

I ran out of cigarettes while at work on Friday. No big deal…Friday is payday.

After work, I needed to cash my check and go pay the overdue phone bill, or no phones by Saturday.

My paycheck for the shortened week-

$345.65

The phone bill for the family of 4 with a smartphone each and an iPad for the better half-

$345

Using simple math (and not the new common core method of complete confusion and idiocy) I quickly realized that I was screwed.

I was approximately $6 short of getting my box of nicotine delight.

Sure….I had no money for gas for the week, groceries or anything else, but who cares about that crap…

I HAD NO MONEY FOR SMOKES!

After careful deliberation about my choices of paying the phone bill or getting smokes and figuring the rest out later..I paid the phone bill.

Six and a half minutes later I was in a panic.

I drove home and began pilfering the furniture for change.

Much like a meth addict picks through the carpet for a nugget of crystalline satisfaction, I was going nuts for nicotine.

I gathered enough change to be exactly $1 short of buying even the cheapest brand.

As luck would have it, I found a scratch off lotto ticket that had a winning amount of $1.

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I get in my truck and head to the store with a spring in my step and a whistle in my throat.

I reach the cashier and hand her my ticket, to get the 1 that will get me my nicotine.

The ticket was expired…..

EXPIRED!!

I walked out of the store…head hung low, feet dragging….a whimper in my throat.

My smoking habit was just stopped a day late….

And a dollar short.

It has now been over 48 hours since I have smoked a cigarette.

Shame.

It’s a powerful tool.

The gate that keeps you off the runway is too.

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