Law and Order….S’D’U

by good2begone

“In the parental justice system, fabricating the truth based offenses are considered especially heinous. In the home, one dedicated parent who investigates these vicious fibs is a member of an elite squad, known as the Step Dad Unit. This is his story.”

(I know you read that and hear the tv voice as you did….don’t deny it)


My wife and I work with the honor system in our household.

If the kids honor our rules….we honor their requests for extra curricular crap n things.

More often then not….our honor is disregarded, while their crap n things are allowed.

The deal with that is when they don’t get what they want…they hover around us like leeches in a swamp sucking the lifeblood out of us until we give in.

We like to have our rules abided by…but sometimes it better to have our piece of mind.

Enough sniveling already!

Here is the crime that has been committed.

Actually it’s the solving of a crime that led to the discovery of another crime which when solved will almost certainly get me promoted to General Stepdad or some awe inspiring title such as that.

Lemme break it down for ya…

Crime 1-“The Disappearing Socks”

As a married man….I have few things I can call mine. It all about the share. Luckily I have abnormally large feet. So, the socks I buy….are mine and mind alone!

At least I thought they were until they started disappearing.

There is really only one suspect who could possible be guilty of this senseless crime…..

My stepson.

I usually have 1 pair missing……


But over the course of 3 weeks I have had 4 pair missing.

I waited for him to leave for work this morning and put “Operation Sock Back” into motion.

First I went to the Judge known as my wife and ask for a search warrant for his room.

Her reply,

“You sure you want to go in there without a hazmat suit?”

My reply,

“If I can find the evidence needed to bring in the perp… will he worth it.”

She signed the document and sent me on my way….down the hall to his room.

After 20 minutes and 2 exits to come out for fresh air, I went back to the living room with 2 1/2 pairs of my socks.


Once the Judge left for a meeting later that afternoon, I continued my search in areas not covered by the warrant.


I went all rogue cop n stuff…..yeah.

There was a trash bag of dirty clothes in the garage that had been there for about a month that I had a hunch might contain more evidence.

I had asked the suspect to do his laundry. He, in classic teenage boy fashion, took all his dirty clothes and dumped them in the garage….where they have stayed for approximately 4 weeks. I placed them into a trash bag to prevent the unsavory odors from traveling any further.

The inspection of the trash bag led to……

Crime #2-“License to Drive”

The foul odor emanating from the clothes trapped in plastic was almost too much to bear.

I dumped the contents and quickly began shoving them back in one by one, hoping for traces of white that would most certainly be my socks.

I came up empty handed. No socks….just my hands that smelled like socks.

But wait…

What is this camouflaged rectangle on the floor…..

Is it?….Could it be?……IT IS!

My stepsons wallet….complete with drivers license.

My superior powers of deduction has led me to the fact that for the last month he has been driving his truck….without a license.

Time to go to the judge with the evidence…..


I’m a rogue. I will go straight to the source.

Here is how that little dramatic event unfolded…


I asked him if he had his license…..he said he hadn’t had it for about 2 weeks.

I gave it back.

The socks….he denied it.

Life…it’s never as dramatic as TV