Good2begone

I'm not really here.

Month: December, 2013

Vaping The Benefits


I used to smoke butts…and I cannot lie.

It’s a habit I can’t deny

Go ahead…turn your heads in disgust, make faces, and talk behind my page about how gross it is, how it’s bad for my and everyone else’s health, blah blah blah.

I know.

I’ve been a smoker for over 20 years. I believe I have heard….,and probably ignored it all.

Quitting is difficult.

VERY DIFFICULT.

I have currently jumped on to the new trend in nicotine.

“Vaping”

What in the name of Marlboro’s ghost is that, you ask?

Here is the definition-

vaping
An electronic cigarette,electronic vaping device, personal vaporizer, or electronic nicotine delivery system is an electronic inhaler meant to simulate and substitute for tobacco smoking. It generally utilizes a heating element that vaporizes a liquid solution.

The idea is I still get the nicotine. All that is released into the air is vapor.
Eliminating second hand smoke and first hand smoke.

It’s not quitting but it’s a start.

The liquid comes in a plethora of flavors.

I have used a few. The names are as follows-

Butter Toffee
Tic tac explosion
Peanut butter
Sweet tart

While I “vape” the flavor I use is the flavor I taste. No more cigarette flavor for me….although if I wanted it “they” have it.

“They” being my local Vapor store.

It’s called

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BAMvapor.com
They ran a promotional contest in store and through Facebook this month.

It was called “Name The Flavor”

The premise was-buy the unnamed flavor, vape it, then name it by posting the name chosen on Facebook. A winner will be chosen on the 23rd. The winner will have the illustrious honor of having their name used for the flavor, and a brand spanking new vaping device….sweeeeeeet.

I like guessing games. My buddies and I used to play “name that STD” back in the ’90’s…..that’s a different story for a different time….

I don’t do the Facebooking anymore, but my wife does. We both tried the flavor. She said it has a peppermint patty taste to it. Kinda chocolatey but a strong mint taste as well.

My powers of flavor naming deducted that only one name would suffice for such a liquid….

“Sir-Mint-A-Lot”

We came away with the win.

Fame. Glory. Naming the Vapor.

Kinda makes me wanna dance and sing.

With a name like Sir-Mint-A-Lot, only one song will do…..

Please feel free to check out BAM vapor on the line (LOL) or on Facebook. Their knowledge and customer service is stellar. A great small business, that I wish the best of luck to and a very Merry Christmas to.

To the rest of ya…your welcome for the ear worm.

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The White Coats


My stepson got home from work and was complaining of abdominal pains. We took him to the local ER.

Here is what happened…..

9:30 pm-arrive and check in at desk, waiting room is over 1/2 full…..or half empty…depends on how you look at it….

9:45 pm- enter triage, get wristband for my stepson and masks….have been told to put them on, the flu is rampant.

ANYONE ELSE NOTICE THE :15 WE WERE THERE WITHOUT MASKS?

10 pm- I begin to look around….we are the only ones wearing masks….should I be worried?…..or should everyone else be worried?

11pm- ONE name has been called in the last hour and fifteen minutes.

11:07 pm- I take off my mask. My head tells me the :15 minute lapse upon arriving until we got masks has already doomed me….

11:09-I get a soda from the machine, turn around and notice that none of the backwards ass rednecks in this town cover their mouths when they cough….a really fat 3 year old is rubbing boogers on the floor.

11:10- I put my mask back on.

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11:20- two names called at once. Things are starting to pick up round here.

11:27-Can’t tell if others patrons in waiting room are sleeping….or victims of the impending superflu outbreak. Make mental note the self that if I make it out of here, I need to watch the TV version of “The Stand” much more closely than I did the first time.

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11:45- walk around waiting room while using the greatest iPhone app of all time (with the volume on high), “iPity” a collection of Mr. T audio quotes from the A-Team.

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11:48- I am instructed by my wife to stop.

12 am- I walk up to the restroom sign and close my eyes. I put my right hand on the sign and try to read Braille…..Result- I would fail as a blind person.

12:20-My stepsons name is called. My wife and stepson head to the back to be seen by a doctor. I stay in the waiting room to oversee the possible pandemic outbreak.

1:07- a text from my wife states that he has peed in a cup. Almost :50 minutes and all that has been accomplished is he has peed in a cup.

1:08- I have to now pee.

1:24- The triage lady calls the name “Rodman”. I immediately turn around hoping to see Dennis Rodman, former NBA basketball player….

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to my dismay it was Cletus Rodman…..

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never a basketball player.

2:06- awaiting test results from blood work, EKG and x ray…..

2:30 am- still here. That is all.

2:59 am-played 18 holes of video golf on my phone.

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My wife and stepson are still waiting for results. I finished the round at 5 over. My wife is tired and is about to lose it.

3:45 am- I am about to lose it.

3:50 am-test results in…..all negative. But I am positive that my frustration level is off the charts.

9:30-4 and we got sent home with anti nausea prescription….

He wasn’t even nauseated.

But I am.

Happy Christmas Eve.

The Love of My Life


“What do you want for Christmas?”
She asks with anticipation
“I will buy you what you want,
Search all of creation.”

I don’t need to ponder, think
Or make her wait.
The answer to her request is simple
And easy to state.

“Of all the things around,
That can be bought, bartered or found,
I cannot accept the ones
With price tags
Or that come from packages
That are bound.”

“You’ve given me your heart,
Body and soul,
A life that is diamonds
Where before you, it was coal.”

“You’ve given me the things
I never thought I would receive
Love, home, family
And a chance to believe.”

“If given every star in the sky
Or a dollar for each grain of sand,
It wouldn’t come close to the value
Of you taking my hand”

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“What do I want for Christmas?
I will give you the answer, not just a clue.
Of everything I will ever need…
All I want for Christmas is you.”

Merry Christmas, Baby.

A

Net Worth-A Christmas Poem


It was a few nights before Christmas, and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, except me using my mouse.

eBay had screwed up….my wife’s gift was not here,
My hope was that “Santa” might find it somewhere.

The children were crashed…all sprawled out on their beds,
With visions of iThings dancing through their heads.

My wife chilling in her pajamas, the chihuahua sleeping in my lap,
If this dog pees on me again, I think I might snap.

From out in the front, a motor, I did hear,
I sprang from the desk with a powerful cheer.

The dog bumped it’s head on the table and fell,
She whined for a second then yapped at me with a yell.

I ran to the door with unprecedented glee
I tripped on some Legos….I think I busted my knee.

I opened the door with a curse and a frown
On the other side was a man all dressed up in brown.

I said, “I hope you are here to save Christmas, or my butt will be toast”,
He replied, “I’m sorry sir, but your package was shipped to the east coast.”

“So why are you here, is this supposed to make me feel better?”
“Just doing my job, sir…I’m sure there is something you could get her.”

I shut the door in his face and looked at my wife with a frown.
Always the optimist she said, “Don’t let it get you down.”

I sat on the couch and released a pitiful sigh
The dog bit my ankle which, in turn, made me cry.

I went to bed shortly after…feeling like a failure,
I wouldn’t have guessed that in my dreams there would be sent a savior.

The bearded man in red dropped by in my mind for a visit,
He reminded me that it is not the gifts that bring Christmas spirit.

Look around your home…you have boxes of photos around.
Place them in frames and watch the family past memories astound.

The personal touch means more than the gift that is bought
Those will soon be forgotten, and in the closet they will rot.

Take it from me young father, I have been doing this quite some time,
To pass along joy that is not store bought is surely not a crime.

Rest now, my son, and awake with new vigor,
Your nerves will be calmer, and your heart will be much bigger.

Enjoy the blessings of the season and the family that is around.
It will be over before you know it and much joy can be found.

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I wrote this last year and posted it as A Revision to a Classic. The classics need to be revisited…..I did I decided to share it again.

Ro-Sham-Bo-Ho Ho


All the gifts are laid out on the bed….unwrapped.

The wrapping paper is on the left.

The scissors are on the right.

Such a daunting task.

Take the time to make the gifts festive.

Just to watch the wrapping job being shredded to wads of trash within a few seconds.

That’s the Chrismas game.

But something is missing.

Scissors always beats paper.

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Who wants the paper?

Without the missing piece it would just be paper and scissors.

No one wants to have everyone running around with scissors.

This game sucks!

The key to “Unlocking The Truth” of the Christmas game is…….

YOU GOTTA HAVE THE ROCK!

So here it is…the rock.

Ro-sham-Bo-Ho Ho

The Holiday Shuffle


A Father and son walked out of the corner store and head towards the busy downtown shopping district. As the pedestrian sign flashed

DONT
WALK

in bright red letters. The pair stopped to wait for the sign to change. The Father takes his sons hand in his and looked down at him and smiled.

The son looked up at his Father, smiled back and anxiously said,

“Daddy, are we going to do Black Friday?”

“Is that what today is? Hmmm…I hadn’t thought about it….”

“Awww. Come on. It’s always the Friday before Christmas. How could you not think about it? I have been thinking about it since…like…..last year!”

WALK

“Let’s get to steppin’ champ. We got a lot of ground to cover.”

“K, Dad…we got to move it move it.”

The Father shakes his head and grins as they travel across the street. After getting back onto the sidewalk, he lifts his son up from behind and places him on his shoulders.

“I don’t want to lose you in the crowds, so up top you go.” The Father states.

“Birds eye view Caw Caw” the child replies with a giggle.

It is late in the afternoon and still throngs of people are pushing and shoving to get in and out of the downtown department stores.

The Father looks up at his son and asks,

“You want to go into the sports or toy store to look around? Christmas is coming you know….”

“Nah…too crowded. Maybe some other time…….People are using more bad words than they did last year…aren’t they supposed to be happy? I mean jeez Santa’s listening….he’s got spies you know.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I can’t cover your ears and make my way through at the same time. We will be home soon.”

The son starts bouncing up and down on his Father’s shoulders and chanting,

“Black Friday Black Friday Today is the day it’s Black Friday!”

(Random shoppers and pedestrians look at he child like he is a loon while thinking- Black Friday was weeks ago, it was a disaster. What the hell is he so happy about?)

“Settle down, Cochise. We’re going, we’re going.”

It takes them :45 minutes to get to the other side of the shopping district. The Father lets out a sigh of relief. They made it through the crowd without too much of a struggle. For the final 5 blocks to their small apartment he takes his son off his shoulders to walk the rest of the way.

They walk inside the door to the apartment building and make their way up the steps to their second floor, 1 bedroom home.

The Father places the key in the lock and turns it to open the door. The son anxiously blurts out,

“Is it time….can I get it set up?”

The Father opens the door and says,

“Yeah, it’s time. Go do your thing, call me when you are ready.”

“AWESOME!!”

The son scurries past his Father and darts into the kitchen area and begins moving things around. After about 10 minutes he shouts,

“I’M READY, DAD!”

And turns out the lights.

From the darkness of the hallway, the Father emerges with one lit candle lighting the way. He places it in the center of the garage sale bought kitchen table and sits down on one of the metal fold out chairs. His son sits across from him, propped up on his elbows on one of the other metal chairs…..grinning ear to ear.

“Can I deal to make sure you don’t cheat?”

“You calling me a cheater?….yes you can deal.” The Father replies as he passes the deck of brand new cards, which he bought at the corner store, over to his son.

The son does his best shuffle (which strangely resembles 52 card pickup), and then deals 7 cards to each to his Father and himself.

He picks up his cards, makes his best poker face in the candlelight, and looks at his Father and says,

“You got any 3’s?”

The Father squints and makes his best mean look and replies,

“Go fish, partner.”

Before he fetches cards from the deck, the son looks at his Father and plainly says,

“Thanks Dad. Black Friday is the best day of the year.”
_________

Christmas.

To me, it’s about the gift OF family and the joy of being together.

It’s not about the gifts FOR family.

Toys break.
Clothes fade and wear out.
Electronics get dusty.
Batteries are almost never included.

But something as simple as a game of “go fish” by candlelight, is a gift that creates memories that last well beyond the sales from Black Friday to the day of Santa.

Make your own “go fish” holiday tradition this year.

All that is needed is an imagination, and a sincere willingness to spend TIME with the ones who mean the most to you.

Spend often.

Batteries not necessary.

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Turning Holiday Funk Into Spunk


Financial woes can put a crimp into the holiday season…..

If you allow it to.

It has been a rough year at our house. Trying to make ends meet is like trying to push the same polar ends of 2 magnets together.

Someone has to turn it around and make a positive out of a negative.

This time it’s me….

Sort of.

Here is a actual text conversation between my wife and I….

And yes she is known in my mobile circle as “The Better a Half”

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The Christmas spirit must go on.

Gone Courtin’


Real people do really dumb things….and that’s why I read the news that makes me feel better about myself.

Like this little doozy out of the state on the left coast that should be filed under the category-

“If at first you don’t succeed…. please just stop trying”

In a press release issued by the Redding Police Department, officers say a man was detained after being found driving a truck that had been reported stolen earlier that morning.That’s when police say he made a surprising confession to officers.
He admitted to officers that he stole the truck because he needed a ride to court for an unrelated stolen vehicle case.

Let me put that in non news terms-

This genius stole a truck to get to a court date for stealing a truck.

Aye dios mio…..

SOMEBODY GIVE THIS GUY A BUS PASS!!

Name of the genius truck stealer, who needs a truck to get to court for stealing a truck, has been omitted to protect his stupidity.

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(Orna)Mental Peace-Reprint


He looked at the Christmas tree from the comfort of his recliner and got lost in thought while the lights randomly blinked….

Strand 1 and 3-ON
Strand 2-OFF

Strand 2 and 3-ON
Strand 1- OFF

Strand 1 and 2-ON
Strand 3- OFF

The clock read 2 am. The house was quiet. He just watched the lights blink and shimmer off the ornaments that hung off the branches.

Strand 1 and 3-ON
Strand 2-OFF

Strand 2 and 3-ON
Strand 1- OFF

Strand 1 and 2-ON
Strand 3- OFF

They never bought ornaments. Always homemade. Each year was a family event to hang the newest of the family collection along side the ones from years past.

Some the kids made in school with their pictures from that school year. Each year they would go on the tree. And each year comments would be made of the changes each child was going through and how big they were getting.

Strand 1 and 3-ON
Strand 2-OFF

Strand 2 and 3-ON
Strand 1- OFF

Strand 1 and 2-ON
Strand 3- OFF

Some were from the grandparents. Each year a new set would arrive the week before Christmas. Always a coupled ornament for Mom and Dad and an individual for each child. On Christmas eve those packages would be opened and the ornaments inside would be hung on the tree with smiles from all.

Strand 1 and 3-ON
Strand 2-OFF

Strand 2 and 3-ON
Strand 1- OFF

Strand 1 and 2-ON
Strand 3- OFF

One year, they even carved their own ornaments out of wood. The local hardware store had family oriented do it yourself classes on the weekends. They all went and participated and brought their creations home and hung them on the tree. He looked at these ornaments in particular and laughed to himself and said quietly,

“Those have zero resemblance to snowflakes or snowmen…but what a time we had.”

Strand 1 and 3-ON
Strand 2-OFF

Strand 2 and 3-ON
Strand 1- OFF

Strand 1 and 2-ON
Strand 3- OFF

He looked around the den and watched the small different colored lights illuminate the various family pictures that hung in frames throughout the room.

Six Flags from the summer of his sons 8th birthday. Cinderella on Ice for his daughters 6th.

Strand 1 and 3-ON
Strand 2-OFF

Strand 2 and 3-ON
Strand 1- OFF

Strand 1 and 2-ON
Strand 3- OFF

The second honeymoon he and his wife took the Bahamas. He fell asleep in the sun and got so sunburned they spent the last 4 days in the hotel room. She stayed right there with him the entire time.

Strand 1 and 3-ON
Strand 2-OFF

Strand 2 and 3-ON
Strand 1- OFF

Strand 1 and 2-ON
Strand 3- OFF

A tear began to run down his cheek. He was brought back to the present by a nudge from his constant companion that got his attention.

“What’s up, girl…you need to go outside?”

BARK BARK

He got up from his recliner and let the dog out to do her business. After shutting the door he stopped and walked back to look at the tree.

He let out a sigh and said,

“It’s been 3 years since the car crash that took you all away from me….and still….I do all this in hopes you will be coming home. One day we will be together again….one day. Until then, Merry Christmas.”

He walks over to the table and picks up 3 ornaments. The first is 2 angels arm in arm. The other 2 are single angels. He hangs each on a branch on the tree.

Strand 1 and 3-ON
Strand 2-OFF

Strand 2 and 3-ON
Strand 1- OFF

Strand 1 and 2-ON
Strand 3- OFF

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I wrote this last year around this time of year. I decided to post it again.

Handy Dandy


I’m always willing to lend a hand when needed.

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That’s just how I roll.

Someone asks for a high five….

No worries…I got it.

I like to get a leg up on the competition, sometimes.

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But not a lot…. I’m not that competitive.

I also have been known to put my foot in my mouth.

Sometimes I need help to do that…

I found a Chinese surgeon who offered to give a hand with my dilemma.

Here is what he came up with-

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EPIC APPENDAGE!!

Disclaimer- foot and hand are plastic…not real.

The foot hand combo however…..

Made in China.