Sweaters And Pulled Overs

by good2begone


A motorcycle police officer sits at the side of the road watching for traffic violators. He witnesses a blond woman driving a compact car driving erratically as she seems to not even have her hands on the wheel. He turns on his lights and begins his pursuit. She seems to ignore the flashing lights and sirens. He travels up next to her and to his surprise she is knitting while driving. He turns on his megaphone to catch her attention and yells-

“PULL OVER!”

She smiles, holds up her work and yells back-

“NO…ITS A SWEATER!”

I don’t knit…..but I did get “pulled over” today.

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I wasn’t even speeding. But it happened anyway.

Him- “Good evening sir. License and insurance please. Do you know why I pulled you over?”

I hand him the stuff he asks for.

Me- “To give me the best driver of the day sticker for my windshield?”

Him- “Funny…but no. You have a headlight out.”

Me- “Aww..come on! I just saw them on 19 minutes ago when a truck carrying mirrors passed in front of me while I was at a stoplight.”

Him- “Maybe the reflection burned it out. It’s not on now.”

Me- “Can I get out and see for myself?”

Him-“Sure…just keep your hands where I can see them.”

I get out of my truck and keep my hands in front of me like a zombie from a really bad “B” movie and go to the front of it.

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Sue enough the passenger side headlight is out.

Me-“Crapballs…..”

I look at him and shrug and he smiles.

Just for kicks I take my right arm (which is still in front of me…zombie style) and let it go limp. Then make my hand into a fist and bump the headlight with my fist.

PRESTO

The light came on.

I looked back and him and smiled and headed back behind the drivers seat.

Him-“I’m in a good mood. I am going to write you a warning.”

Me-“For what headlight assault?”

Him-“No… For having a headlight out. Unless you are planning to strap your buddy there to the hood and have him hit it every time it blinks out.”

I look at my coworker and ask-

“You game for that, Jo Jo?”

He looks back at me like a deer caught in my headlights and frantically shakes his head no.

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The officer hands his pad and pen to me along with my stuff and asks me to sign the warning and says..

“You gotta find yourself some more willing friends. Get that light fixed and have a good night.”

I start back up my truck and look at Jo Jo and say-

“I don’t know why you wouldn’t do it. I’ve got tie downs.”

Jo Jo- ” Because it’s cold and I am not your hood ornament.”

Me-“Cold? I would have given you my knitted sweater to wear.”

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Note to reader- not my torso…my sweater…or my crapballs.

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