The Sides

I am a carnivore.

Just in case you are unsure of what that means….here is the definition-

1-an animal that feeds on flesh.

I never got into the zombie flesh eating frenzy. I don’t feed on human flesh.

I like big, juicy, medium rare steaks.


On the medium rare occasion when my wife and I go out to eat, at a restaurant type establishment, I always order the big steak.

Usually a ribeye. Sometimes a NY strip, but always a steak.

I’m always asked,

“And what sides would you like with your steak, sir. The choices are listed below.”

The conversation is usually one sided.

“No sides. Just bring me a big plate of meat.”

Usually I hear forks drop and gasps from snoopy onlookers. Then the whispers from the other tables begin,

“Did you hear that…he said no sides…honey cover the children’s ears!”

As the waitress tries to regain her composure and power of suggestion stance she asks again.

“Ummmm, sir. It comes with 2 sides. Your choice of potato and a vegetable. Please choose accordingly.”

I again reply,

No sides….just meat…medium rare. If I must choose 2 sides then I will choose baked meat and steamed meat……no potato….no vegetable….just meat. Got it.”

Before a manager gets called over and things get out of hand, my wife usually chimes in.

“Just bring him fries and okra…on a separate plate…and place it in front of me. Sorry….meat makes him crazy.”

Our order will shortly be brought out and I will devour the steak and nothing else. I’m happy and the restaurant just wasted food for no apparent reason, therefore, proving the statement

The customer is always right.

I go through all of that to get to this.

My wife is out of town on a speaking engagement.

I am home making myself dinner.

What am I having?


Just steak.

No one telling me I have to have sides.

No one suggesting sides.

That’s my side of the story.

And I’m sticking to it.



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