Goats and Magic Beans

by good2begone


Teaching teenagers the value of a dollar is not an easy task. For one, the dollar is not even worth the paper it’s printed on anymore….but since the monetary system our country uses is based on the dollar and not goats and magic beans my wife and I do the best we can.

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The kids are growing up as part of the “y” generation.

Y do I have to do this
Y do I have to do that
Y do I have to do anything
Y can’t you do it for me

Get the picture?

The are also afflicted with the “gimme syndrome”

Gimme this, that blah blah.

Not too long ago, we upgraded our phones.

The kids both said in unison,

“Y can’t we get iPhones?”

Rarely, does an opportunity such as this arise.

My wife and I switched from our typical eat up the clock strategy and went with the no huddle offense.

Her-“We can’t afford to get iPhones for all of us, that would be extra internet charges.”

Me- “And the last time we let loose with the internet with you 2 we got nailed with charges from porn sites and ringtone jamborees.”

Them-“That wasn’t our fault. Y don’t you believe us!”

Me-“Because your lips are moving.”

Her- “The only way, I would agree to it….is if you agreed to pay for a portion of the bill yourselves.”

Me-“A portion? Can’t we stick them with the whole thing? We do feed and house them, you know…..”

For that comment, I received the shameful glare from my wife, the open mouthed shocked look from the kids and the “eww this is gonna get ugly look” from the phone sales guy.

My savvy wife got the kids to agree to pay for half of their bill a month at the bargain price of $5 a week in order to get their precious iPhones.

I would of held out for more goats and at least a couple magic beans but that’s why she is the Mom….and I’m not.

It has been about 5 months since that agreement went into effect.

My stepson, has been like clockwork. Each week he gets paid…we get paid. For his phone AND his truck insurance.

My stepdaughter………is under the delusion that the agreement was a joke.

She is currently 2 weeks behind.

It was time to call in the heavy….

Me-“You know you are 2 weeks behind in your payments for your phone, to not pay us would be baaaaad,” I say as I crack my knuckles.

20131007-205047.jpgHer- “I’m not even old enough to have a job….how do you expect me to pay for it?”

Me-“You agreed to pay $5 a week to get the phone..”

Her-“I would have said ANYTHING for you all to gimme the phone.”

Me-“I knew that…and yet your ANYTHING was to agree to pay $5 a week. Gimme my magic beans!!”

Her- “magic beans? Wha? I can’t even get a job I’m only 14.”

Me “I got one word for ya…sweatshop.”

Her-“what’s a sweatshop?”

Me-“You have an iPhone…Google it…and I wear a size 13. I prefer Converse high tops. Color doesn’t matter, but it would be nice if they put you on the red line.”

I cracked my knuckles again and walked into the kitchen.

I hear a voice from behind me…

“How do you spell sweatshop??”

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Y me….

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