The Bonecrusher Confrontation-The Stepdad Chronicles
I previously wrote about catching my 16 year old son having sex. I came home early from work and….
HOLY NAKED TEENAGERS, BATMAN!
For that post click “here”
After my wife returned from work. We sat him down to have a little chat.
The following will be what was said.
Followed by what I wanted to say….but because I am a mature adult I didn’t say.
What was said-
I really didn’t say much. I can hold my tongue about as well as a snake. I pretty much stayed quiet with my arms crossed and disgusted scowl on my mug.
You know…like a parent who catches his kids doing something that he was caught for when he was a kid but had to look like he is shocked and appalled.
Yup….that was me.
My wife, on the other hand, is 100% parental problem solver. She works 8 hours a day in a prison. She hears excuses and complaints from gargantuan male felony offenders all day long and counsels them.
She is my stepsons Mother.
He fears his Mom more than death itself.
So, she voiced her disappointment (for both of us…all I could do was scowl) and systematically stripped him of all technology ever made. All the while, reminding him about his current decision making and lack of respect for house rules, and possible future of child support.
And texted the previously found naked teenage girl…from his phone, to inform her of a few things.
Damn she’s good. So calm…so adult…so not me.
What I wanted to say….
“Listen here you little 16 year old pervert….I don’t give a f?&k what you do with your little shaker stick when you are not here…..but while in this house the only time it is to be beyond your zipper is when you shower or urinate. If you want to stick it anywhere near females… use the backseat of your truck like every other teenager has since the invention of the car…find a haystack in one the thousands of farms around here….or better yet…use the girls house. I’m sure her parents would love to find you playing “hide the Vienna sausage” with their daughter. In the meantime, use the Internet for something other than PS3 cheats and dub step dance moves….find some porn sites and go to town on your personal joystick!!! The only people allowed to get naked and have sex in this house are your Mother and I…period. Yeah, let that imagery set in to your sex crazed brain! How would you like to walk in on us? By the look on your face…I would think that you wouldn’t….but go ahead think bout that when you go to bed tonight and remember how great that 39 seconds of naked pleasure was with your “girlfriend”. Booyah!!”
I didn’t say any of that. Only because I could also envision the sheer look of horror I would get from my calm adult wife.
And the chance the me having sex in the near future would be greatly diminished.
Mature adult…yeah…that’s me.