Hands Down

I have a buddy of mine who is thinking about taking the leap into the sanctity of marriage.

He came to me asking for advice on how I went about asking my wife to get married.

The following is a dramatization of the actual events that occurred over 4 years ago……

The woman of my dreams and I had been dating for a few months. I was quite sure that she was the one for me but you know…..until you take a few rounds in the sack with each other….how do you really know?

We ended up facing that beast head on in an adult conversation…

Me- “You know, Babe….I got a little change just rustling around in my pocket…and I want to find the nearest phone to give you a ring….but each time we talk and I attempt to put my smooth moves on you and I get the same old thing….’no huggin or kissin until you get a wedding ring’…you gotta quit puttin my love on a shelf…I GOT NEEDS!”

Her- “Don’t give no lines and keep your hands to yourself.”

Me-“You are so cruel, baby…why do you want to treat me this way? Either way, I will still be your baby love..I will still feel the same way.”

Her-“I’ve heard that before, dear. I know you are familiar with the saying, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. I’m not about to give it up without assurances…. No naked loving without that wedding vow.”and she said, “…Stop it with the lines and keep your hands to yourself!”

The deal was….I wanted her real bad and I was about to give in…..but
that’s when she started talkin’ true love and started talkin’ about it being a sin to have sexual relations without being married.

I tried to plead with her…

Me- “Babe…I’ll live with you for the rest of my life….”

She quickly interrupted,

“No ring…no fling…and I will only say it one more time…don’t hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself.”

After reciting this whole song and dance to my buddy he asked,

“So, what did you do?”

My reply,


I have to give thanks to “The Georgia Satellites” for the inspiration to write this post.

They wrote the song, “Keep Your Hands To Yourself”

I just used it for my own selfish and comedic needs.

It’s still good2begone.


4 thoughts on “Hands Down

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