Redneck Alarm Clock

by good2begone

Life is full of first experiences.

-first steps
-first words
-first days
-first love
-first jobs
-first time to be tazed
-first car
-first loss

All of them need to be looked back upon from time to time, in order to remember that jolt of excitement that…goes…with…first…


What kind of first experience is that? Getting hit with 500,000 volts of electricity is not my idea of a good time.

Then again….I am not the 24 year old kid that works with me. I picked him up from the trailer park he lives at earlier this week and he told me a story….

I put it to words….

He bought a truck this week. The previous owner left a stun gun in the glove compartment. It was found while looking for a lighter to light his cheap ass swisher sweets.

He showed it off to his drinking buddies while consuming mass amounts of cheap ass beer and Mad Dog.

Life is full of bad combinations,

-Peanut butter and mustard sandwiches

-359 pound women and yoga pants

-any human being and mullets

-rednecks, alcohol and stun guns.

I was not privy to the actual events. I only saw the various welts left on him.

I was curious about the fresh welt on his neck, though.

“Who tazed you in the neck, dude?”

He looked at me and the smile of the weekend shenanigans left his face. He then replied as he twitched a bit,

“My wife tazed me this morning when I wouldn’t get up for work this morning…”

“Jesus H. man, don’t you have an alarm clock?”

“Yeah….but I kept turning it off and going back to sleep. She loves me…so she made sure I got up and you wouldn’t have to wait.”

“I guess Nazareth was right when they wrote ‘Love Hurts’….You gonna be alright?”

“Yeah. I don’t know who that Nazareth guy is you are talking about, but he is right. Love hurts. Please tell me we are not running electrical today…”