Joe Lean Lies

by good2begone


People lie.

This is not some new revelation. There is no “how to” book on how to do it.

People just do.

There is a guy I work with who hasn’t spoken the truth in the 3 years I have worked with him.

He is quite the character. To protect his stellar image of himself I will use one of the nicknames he has earned since being employed with us. It is hard to choose just one…he has many-

Oh Joe Cinco
Joebama
Ankles McClanahan
Oh no it’s Joe
Joe Lean (think Dolly Parton’s country classic)

Anyhoo, you get the picture.

I’m going with Joe Lean because there is no Earthly reason why I should be the only one who has a Dolly Parton song stuck in their head.

Your welcome.

Now on with the story….

Sometimes we ask Joe Lean random questions just to hear his answer….

“Hey Joe Lean…is that a lazy eye or do you have some sort of nerve damage?”

“No….it’s half paralyzed because I have bullet fragments lodged in my brain from when I was shot in the head…”

“Whoa….jump back Jack…..so…not only do you have titanium ankles from jumping off a ladder that you THOUGHT was about to snap in the middle…but didn’t, but you also have a bullet in your head?”

“Yeah, you wanna hear about it?”

“Do I?…And how!”

He gets into dramatic story stance and starts using his hands to elaborate.

“There I was….in an alley in Salem, Massachusetts…..buying cocaine from a drug dealer…..”

“Why in an alley? Was he a witch or something?”

“No…but he was a fortune teller…anyway…he tells me he put the coke behind the dumpster and for me to give him the money and then I can get it……”

“Hold on, hold on….what were you doing in Salem, Massachusetts?….and why couldn’t he just hand it to you while you handed him the money?”

“Skynard concert…and he only had I hand because the other got severed in an accident…so I gave him the money and went behind the dumpster to get the coke and the next thing I remember is the doctor telling me I have fragments in my head.”

“And that’s why you have a lazy eye?”

“….yes….that’s why I have a lazy eye.”

Joe Lean, Joe Lean, Joe Lean, Joe Leeeaaaaan,

Please don’t lie to us just because you can.

And once again I say….

Your welcome.

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