The DumbDown Prophesy

by good2begone


Today a pinnacle in the annals of personal parentdumb has been achieved.

I wasn’t striving to reach the peak of this mountain……it was a natural progression as forewarned by my parents before me and I am quite sure by theirs before them.

I write this post to attempt to educate any parents of small children who will at one time, in the not so distant future, be parents of teenagers.

At that time….and ONLY at that time will you be bitchslapped by fate in the same manner in which I have been.

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That’s right….fate is the monkey that jumps off your back and slaps you.

It was earlier this afternoon as I had a confrontation with my stepdaughter.

“Why didn’t you answer the text I sent you?”

“Because we were walking around.”

“You know….the reason you have that phone is not so you can LOL and OMG with your friends but so we can get a hold of you when needed.”

“What’s the big deal? We were just watching a movie and I didn’t hear it.”

“…..you just said you were walking around.”

AND THEN IT HAPPENED

Her arms crossed, her eyes rolled, and she gave an audible sigh and said,

“Whatever, you are going to hear what you want. I said we were watching a movie.”

Then she flung herself and walked out of the discussion chamber and into her room.

It was at that exact moment in time when I heard my fathers voice come down from the heavens and into my head….

“It’s official. Your dumb. Just like I was when you pulled that reverse crap on me. Enjoy the next few years of parenting hell.”

In looked up and grimaced. Then looked at my wife and said,

“Honey, I’m dumb now.”

She replied without missing a beat,

“We have been dumb for a few years, dear. You have just been blind as well. Now you see what I see. Still glad you married me?”

“Great….I’ve been the Helen Keller of parenting….when do we get smart again?”

“Only when they have kids, honey. Not any sooner.”

“Uggghhhh.”
_______

Once the teen years have pummeled the sweet nectar of life right out of the once able bodied minds and hands of my wife and I am hoping to be able to look back on this time, as my parents once did and theirs did before them, and say we raised them right.

But, until then, all I can is,

“I ain’t as smirt as I oosed too bee.”

I have become comfortably dumb.

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