One Sting Leads 2 Another
“I hate Christmas.” I said to my stepdaughter on the way to school.
She stared at me….open mouthed….with shock…unable to speak…..And yet she did.
“WHY?” She asked at almost a fearful yell.
“What is there to like about it.” I replied.
“Opening presents.” She confidently stated.
“Ughh..That’s the best you got? So Christmas is about getting stuff, huh?…And that’s why I hate..”
She quickly interjected,” And it’s Jesus’s birthday.”
“But getting gifts is more important right? Because for his birthday he would want everyone to get iPods, touchscreen phones, and tablet computers. He was all about getting cool stuff for his birthday, huh?” I sharply answered.
“You don’t know….maybe that IS what he wants.”
And that short poignant conversation with a 14 year old got me thinking…
Leads to another–
My ideas and thoughts on the whole God and Jesus deal are limited at best.
About 7 years before I got sober, I had said a total of 1 prayer to “God”….and it wasn’t a nice one.
Prior to that I was never a church goer or a Bible reader or anything of the sort. Call it atheist, agnostic or whatever you like. I just did not have an opinion or a care about it either way. I was too busy drinking to care. It worked for me.
Then came the day of the prayer.
My Father passed away from Prostate cancer in 2000. I was there for his last breathe. Moments after his passing I went outside to have a word with this God character…..and I was pissed.
I remember it like it was yesterday. I went outside and knelt on the ground, looked up at the sky and said,
“You are the one who allowed my Father to get sober for 14 years and be the Dad we wanted and then you take him away with this? I don’t care if you are real or not, I would prefer that you leave me out of your plans. I got this. I will do what I want, when I want…period. Go f$&k with someone else’s life. Stay out of mine.”
And with that I got up, spat in the ground and went inside to help my Mother.
Needless to say, the next 6 years were the beginning of the end. My drinking and drug use escalated to monumental heights while the people who chose to hang out with me were of the monumentally low.
The last year of my debacle of my life before sobriety is detailed in my pages section under-The Chronicles of the Frame.
I have been sober for over 6 years now. My ideas and thought on the “God deal” have changed quite a bit.
My commitment to the program of AA has led me to believe.
It is because of this belief that I am sober.
It is because of this that I don’t have to pray to God…I can talk to God
It is because of this belief that I am willing to use my past experiences to attempt to help others that are afflicted with the same dependency issues that I have.
It is because of this belief that I have researched and sought out different spiritual avenues to help me understand the power of faith.
It is because of this belief….that I don’t believe that Christmas is about getting cool stuff.
I believe that Christmas is just another day when we should be finding ways to help our fellow man.
And buying electronics is not the way.