The Nipple Overture
I have woke up with pain in different areas of my body over the last few years. Age being a factor. Working in construction being another. I suppose not adequately taking care of myself over the years might somehow factor into the equation.
This morning I woke up and my nipples hurt….
WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? I’M A GUY….I DON’T EVEN NEED NIPPLES!!
That reaction brought back a memory and coincidentally one of the many reasons on why I stopped drinking.
Its not like I recently had them pierced or anything like that. I have way to much respect for my man nipples to…do….that…to…myself….
Ok, so maybe that’s not true.
One night in Juarez, Mexico….while drinking heavy amounts of tequila, I pierced my own nipple with a safety pin…..
Hold on…hold on…it’s not like I wasn’t safe about it.
I numbed my nipple at the bar with ice, as curious onlookers and non English speaking bartenders began to gather, as the safety pin was being sterilized in a shot of freshly poured rot gut tequila.
SAFETY FIRST!! I always say.
After having a female friend of mine flick my nipple with her long nails to make sure I could not feel anything. I picked up the safety pin out of the shot glass, and plunged it through. Then closed it.
A little blood
A little light headed
A little woozy
I put my shirt back on and then drank the congratulatory / you are a idiot shots that kept coming.
All was well until I tried to go to sleep after getting home.
Each time I rolled over…the safety pin would turn over causing excruciating pain in my man nipple.
I woke up my room mate who was passed out halfway on the couch and halfway on the floor and began babbling about pain. His response was similar to this….
We weren’t in costume…because that would have been wierd…..
I was told to man up and take it out. I looked stupid with a safety pin in my nipple.
So I unhooked it from it’s clasp, and yanked it out…
A little more blood
A little more light headed
A lot more woozy
Oh yeah… And this..
Not an actual picture of me but the expression is accurate.
For the next 6 months I walked around with 1 erect nipple that was more sensitive than a 2 year old without his blanket.
And yes I was called cyclops.
And that is reason # 27 of why I stopped drinking.