Decision To Jump
Her psychiatrist kept trying to convince her that he wasn’t “visiting” her from the grave, but she knew different.
“I will love you forever” he said. “Even after the cancer has taken my last breath, I will wait for you. I can’t imagine there will be heaven without you with me. So I will wait in limbo until you are with me to move on into eternity.”
The morning that followed, as he looked deeply into her eyes, he drew his last breath and passed on.
It has been 11 months since the funeral.
All of his family and friends have moved on. They made their peace with his death, celebrated his life on this plane of existence and moved on with their lives. She was not as fortunate.
His last declaration of devotion was not the last time she heard him speak. She first heard his voice in the middle of the night while she attempted to sleep. Just as the R.E.M’s were about to take over she heard him sing. It was the song he had always attempted to “woo” her with. “Girl Like You” by The Smithereens.
“London, Washington, anywhere you are I’ll run….together we’ll be. Just to win the love of a girl like you.”
His voice, as off key as it still was, still soothed her heart and calmed her nerves. As she drifted into a deep sleep his voice filled the room.
” I’ll say anything….almost anything….except goodbye”
For the next couple of weeks he made his presence more known to her. As she lay in bed, he would kneel beside her, gently wipe back the hair that had fallen on her face and talk to her.
“I come to see you because I am lonely. The light you here about in books and movies is real. It is always pleading with me to go over the other side but I can’t. I need you with me.”
“I miss you every day…all the time.” she replies. “but….I saw you die. I am still alive….at least in body in am. I need to move on like everyone else has and just accept that you are gone. Maybe if I….”
“NO!” he pleads. ” you can’t just move on like everyone else. We are soul mates. One can’t exist without the other. We have to be together. It will make us both whole again!”
“My roommates are worried. They hear me talking to you at night…..well they hear me talking…and they think I have lost my mind. HAVE I? I am not even sure. I am going to see a shrink tomorrow. I want to be with you more than anything but if you are dead….and I’m talking to you…..then I must be crazy.”
“You are just crazy in love….with me. We both always knew we were meant to be together. We still can be. If you want it as bad as I do….which I think you do…..then we find a way to make it happen. I will let you sleep on it. Just remember eternity waits for me only because I wait for you to join me.”
He drifted out of the room. Once again singing,
“I’ll say anything….almost anything…except goodbye…”
The visits to the psychiatrist were of little help. Sitting on the couch and reliving her past with him only made her love for him grow. She would tell the Dr. when he visited her and recount their conversations. It made her long to be with him. The shrink kept telling her “The dead are just that…dead. Your mind is manifesting visions of him because you refuse to move on.”
“You need to make a conscience decision to move on.” he gently told her. “let me tell you a riddle”
“There once were 3 frogs sitting on a log. 1 decided to jump. How many were left?”
“2” she replied.
“No, the 1 frog only made a decision to jump. He hasn’t put any action to it yet. All 3 are still on the log. Making the decision is only half the battle. You have to put action to it. All I want you to do is make the decision.”
She left his office with much to think about. Upon returning home, she went to her room and locked the door. To no surprise he was sitting on the bed waiting for her.
“That shrink doesn’t understand how deep our love is for each other. True love can go on….even after death. If you come with me I will SHOW you!”
“You need to leave me alone. I need to really sort this out. I do love you but….I need to decide…without you here.”
“I will give you time. For one, time has no meaning when in limbo and 2 time will only prove my point that you can’t live without me. Take your time…” he said and faded into nothing.
She sat and cried until no tears no longer fell. She needed to clear her head. A walk over the bridge in the moonlight might do her some good.
She left her home still thinking about what to do. She reached the bridge walkway and started climbing upward to look over the rushing water below.
She reached the top, leaned on railway and started to cry again. This was the place he first professed his love for her.
She dried her eyes and looked into the water. A mirage of his face appeared to hover on the waves.
“I’ll say anything…almost anything….except goodbye….” she heard him serenade her.
She took off her shoes, climbed up onto the railing, took a deep breathe and thought,
“I have made my decision to jump…
All I need to do is take the action”