A Sport With No Fans
Speed is everything. Olympic competitors work very hard to lower their times in the races they compete in.
-track and field
Men and women athletes share the same mental aspects in these sports. No distractions. Get from point A to point B in the shortest time possible. Period. They do not compete to win a “porcelain medal”. It’s go for the gold. Second place is nothing more than the first loser.
There are lesser known athletes in the world that also compete in time trial type training and events.
To be honest, women of this sport are not very good at it. They tend to be distracted easily. Point A to Point B is eventually reached, but by the time the goal is reached the judges have gone home.
It is a men’s sport. Most of us don’t even look forward to the weekly competition. It’s not fun. The only personal reward gained is when the journey from Point A to Point B is reached in the shortest time possible. When allowed to compete our way….we always win the gold.
“Olympic Time Trial Grocery shopping”
This event is always a chore. The weekly trek to “The WalMart Superstore” is a first class trip of epic boredom…….when it is taken with a woman. Every aisle has to be ventured down. Each shelf has to be inspected. Every shade of makeup and face stuff has to be pondered upon. Various racks of clothing are sifted through.
Butter or margarine?
Orange or grape?
Low fat or 2%?
Flavored or original?
Whole wheat or multi Grain?
Crunchy or creamy?
Frozen Pizza or Frozen Flautas?
2 ply or superply?
There is always one single saving grace to grocery shopping.
While tediously pushing the cart behind the female the ultimate distraction occurs…..
Another female will venture past and say,
” I love those shoes you are wearing! Where on Earth did you find them?”
The cart will stop and a lengthy, happy footwear conversation will ensue.
The time trial is about to begin…
Ready….tap the female on the shoulder
Set…..say, ” I’m going to allow you to indulge in your pumps versus flats controversy while I finish shopping.”
The gun has gone off. We quickly scan the items in the basket. Check.
Think back to what is in the fridge and cabinets back at the house……check.
Gentlemen…..start your engines.
The race is on. The markers on the rows of each aisle that indicate what is in each row are for men. Not women. We can look up and see what is coming up, usually 3 aisles in advance and know if anything is needed there or not. We don’t need no stinking lists. We are mental giants. If the row is crowded and weaving through is not an option, go past and come back to it on the turnaround. Mental focus and speed are gained with each item hurled into the cart.
I usually begin with the frozen food and meat section. Why? The reason is simple.
By the time my 12.48 minute, $243.63 aisle blowing, cart squealing extravaganza is completed, I can calmly return to where my wife is inevitably still talking and say,” Honey, we need to get going before your Ben and Jerry’s starts to melt.”
I push the cart to the shortest checkout lane possible and dream of standing proud as Sam Walton places the gold medal with the shopping cart on it around my neck.
Once again, it is a great day to be a man.
Man cart. That is all.