You’re So Cool
Family discussions are not the norm in our household. I wish I could say that the reason is because our home runs like a well oiled machine and discussions are for families with issues…….
The following story is the real reason.
My wife and I decided we needed to have a discussion about the upcoming school year with the kids. Summer is almost over…..Thank you Baby Jesus.
My wife started the discussion and as usual asked me to stay quiet. I remain silent until the kettle boils over.
“School starts in less than a week. We need to start adjusting our schedules to be ready.”
” Yeah cuz…” I begin to say
” Honey, let me talk please. I have this under control. Just sit and keep your cool.”
I exhale, cross my arms and sulk….and wait for my turn.
” That means that the normal school time rules will be in effect. Do I need to repeat them or do you both remember them?”
“Yes ma’am we remember.”
My legs begin to twitch.
” Good. Now we would like to have an easier transition than last year. To achieve that all electronic devices will be turned off by 10 pm……”
I sit up and raise my finger to interject. My wife gives me “the look” and I sink back into the sofa.
” I know this will not be easy but you both need to try your best to make this easier for all of us.”
I shift in my seat and start tapping my fingers. My pet chihuahua jumps off my lap, looks up at me and says-
” Este gringo es loco en la cabeza.”
She heads to her cage to watch from a distance.
” Lets work together and we will all be happier by the time school starts.” my wife confidently states.
The tea kettle began to whistle……
” SO NO MORE STAYING UP TILL 3 AM WATCHING STUPID FU*%#<;G TV SHOWS AND PLAYING MINDLESS G%# D)$"N PIECE OF S&?T VIDEO GAMES AND SLEEPING TILL 2 IN THE AFTERNOON TO START IT ALL OVER AGAIN!! WASH A DISH OR PICK UP A FREAKING SHOE EVERY NOW AND THEN, YOU'RE TEENAGERS NOT
My wife, the 2 kids and the dog just stare at me. My eyes bulging and my face red.
Finally my stepson says-
" You really need to lay off the caffeine after like 6 pm….maybe you need a nap."
He and his sister slowly get up and head off to calmer waters.
My wife just looks at me and says,
" You're so cool."
Summer break has almost broken me.