The Vegetarian Knockdown
I come from a long line of meat eaters. I like meat appetizers served before my meat entree with meat sides. It is how I was raised. I do not plan on changing my carnivorous habits.
One night after returning home from work. My wife said, ” Your daughter has something she wants to tell you.”
My reply, ” I need a DNA test to prove anything. Why is it when she does something wrong, she’s my daughter?”
“Just listen to her.”
I sigh. And await my onslaught of impending doom administered by my 13 year old step daughter.
“Step dad…..I have decided that I am a vegetarian.”
“Umm….You don’t even like vegetables.”
“I like carrots……”
“So, you’ve decided you’re a carrotitarian? That’s nice. Tell Bugs I said hello.”
” I’m serious. All of this senseless killing of poor defenseless animals for us to eat is dumb. I’m an vegetarian.”
“It’s called the top of the food chain, sister. We are it. If we stop eating the animals they will revolt and take us over, and I refuse to take orders from a cow. That’s why I cook cow for dinner.”
“That makes no sense, stepdad. They don’t even have thumbs. I done with meat. It’s gross and I am a vegetarian.”
I am really intrigued at her willingness to stick to her guns. I enjoy the fact that she is learning to make up her own mind on things she believes in.
But we are talking about meat. So I change my strategy to pretty much flat out start lying to her.
” You know that if are a vegetarian, that you can no longer have fries from fast food places.”
” Not true. Fries are not meat. They are potatoes.”
“True my little bastion of information.
But when fast food places fry their French fries they use leftover grease from the burgers they cook. It is what gives them such great flavor and is also why they taste so good with the burgers they serve.”
“But…..but I love fries…..”
“You are a vegetarian now. No fries for you.”
“Being a vegetarian sucks then. Can we go to Sonic?”
Finally a a mark in the win column for stepdad.
That is until Judge Mom overrides my win and tells her the truth. A temporary win is better than nothing.