Right Turn, Clyde


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A smoking monkey. An orangutan to be exact. He is a captive in a zoo in Indonesia. The zookeepers want him to stop. Good luck. Have you ever tried to stop a 200 pound primate from smoking……didn’t think so.

They have there story on how it happened. I have mine. Here it is……

Clint Eastwood once starred and directed a duo of movies back in the day.

“Every Which Way but Loose”

“Any Which Way You Can”

He played a trucker/brawler (Phillo Beddoe) that had a pet orangutan as a bodyguard/pet (Clyde). They were both pretty successful films in the late ’70’s early ’80’s.

After said movies were released, Clyde became quite the sensation. He was a regular in the club scene, at other animal related movie premieres and quite the monkeynizer as the story goes. Like many other actors in Hollywood, he got stuck on the “typecast zone”. There were only so many parts for bodyguard monkeys that had the quality scripts that he preferred.

Work dried up. His acting days were over. His once prized trailer became a mess of empty beer bottles and feces. It was time to go. As it turned out, a zoo in Indonesia, had a part he could play for years to come. Not surprising it was monkey business. It allowed him to return to a somewhat natural habitat and spend his waning days in the natural setting of his youth.

He was used to the pointing and staring. At least now he didn’t have to sign autographs on bananas. The one problem was he needed a habit to distract him from boredom. Booze was not allowed. But smoking was allowed on the compound. The other primates would scoff at his need. The goody too paws didn’t know what they were missing. Time to turn on the animal magnetism toward the humans.

He started out just hanging out at the front of the cage. And motion to passers by.

“Psst….hey you, gotta smoke you can spare for an acting legend?”

Of course, people weren’t used to a talking primate. They were intrigued, a bit miffed and scared but hey, who doesn’t want to see a monkey smoking?

“Indonesia’s Funniest Home Videos” had a new star.

In a world of YouTube and personal video cameras, they could not keep it a secret for long.

The wheezing monkey bit was running its course and a plan was needed to be put into effect to stop Clyde from smoking.

For all you reality TV junkies, check your local listings for “Celebrity Animal Rehab” with Dr. Doolittle on MTV, where the conclusion to this riveting drama will unfold.

Right turn, Clyde.

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2 thoughts on “Right Turn, Clyde

  1. Clyde is an icon. I can’t count how many times I’ve said, “right turn, Clyde” to my kids who don’t understand the reference at all and will occasionally remind me that their names are not Clyde.

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