The (real) Petty File

by good2begone

I published a post earlier today called “The Petty File”. Since publishing it, I realized there was something that wasn’t right about it. It was all true….just off.

Here I sit many hours later and I know why. I am in a state of pettiness that is beyond normal pettiness. I am on the continent of Pettiness and I am the ruler.

Backstory begins in 3…..2…..1….now

July 15th is my birthday. I am not of fan of my birthday being celebrated.


I am now 43. It is not one of those ages that requires a lot of hoopla. I’m way past all that. It’s just another day. I gladly accept wishes from my wife and step kids, immediate family and co workers. Beyond that…..Bah.

Petty, huh? Wait for it….it gets worse.

This year I devised a plan to avoid any other wishes on my birthday being given. Quite the brilliant one, if you ask me. Kind of in the Evil Scientist type of way.

I erased my birthdate from Facebook two weeks before my birthday came around.

One of many voices in my head spoke to me and said, “Me, you want to find out if any of your Facebook “friends” are really friends? Erase the date and find out.”

I thought, “That’s a great idea, Me!”

The theory being, if they were truly friends they would remember the date that I have been wished Happy Birthday on for the last 4 years I have been on Facebook.

When I followed through with my master plan, I cackled an evil scientist laugh and went about my day.

The day is here and is almost gone.

The results are in-

Birthday wishes from Facebook- 0
Birthday wishes from 3 brothers- 0
Birthday wishes from 1 sister- 0
Birthday wishes from Mom- 1

To my Mother’s credit she is the “Rain Woman” of birthday’s. She knows them all and still sends cards, $5, and calls.

Apparently, Facebook is good for being the Birthday Memory Bank of the world.

I felt like the male version of Molly Ringwald in the John Hughes movie “16 Candles”. No one remembered my birthday. Not even my own family.

I devised a plan. I followed through with the plan. It worked as it should have worked…….and I’m pissed off that it worked.

To make myself feel better I feel I must put my birthdate back onto my Timeline just after midnight. Then wait for tomorrow morning and lay a hate ridden post about all the “friends” I have that forgot my birthday.

I will then return to my throne as King of the continent of Pettiness and wait for my minions to beg for forgiveness.

Or I could just do nothing and make a conservative effort to put my pettiness aside and try not to be such a selfish fool.