The 1/2 Deaf Advantage

by good2begone


Did you say something?

What?

Huh?

You have to talk into my good ear.

These are my basic answers for someone who tries to carry on a conversation with me while standing to the left of me.

I am 80% deaf in that ear. I was not born that way (Lady GaGa reference unintentional). It is cornucopia of mistakes and mishaps that have occurred over the years that caused this.

-knocked out cold by a baseball pitch

-knocked out by a croquet ball

– head banging too close to the mountain of speakers at metal shows during the glorious ’80’s

-being ran over by a car at 2 1/2 years old

-the mosh pit incident

– falling out of trees

-trees falling on me

-me falling off ladders trimming trees

I am a magnet for concussions and the anti-agility leader of the free world.

Not being able to hear has it’s advantages and disadvantages. I will mention the top 3 advantages.

1- I only hear half of the things my wife says. For the other half a simple “Yes Dear” usually works.

2- during meetings, all I have to do is rest my right palm on my chin and slyly place my index finger into my “good” ear to drown out all nonsense. A nod every now and then implies that I am intently listening. All the while I am probably thinking-

“I like cheese. Melted cheese, swiss cheese, nacho cheese, shredded cheese…..”

3-earplugs last twice as long

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