My life in 6 songs….ready or not…here it comes!
Month: March 2014
All Male Review
I need bloggers of the male persuasion to review my last post-
I love and respect the following and opinion of the female side of the blogosphere,
But…
My comment section of that particular post has been attacked by
B’s.
I would like to know if anyone agrees with me or if I am the the only one stuck in the
A hole.
If so….I will just wipe my frustration away, flush my opinion of this subject, B a good husband and face the scenario that I am not always right.
Thank you for your consideration.
I am good2begone…..and I approve of this message…..
I think…..
Maybe I should check with my wife first…..
The Roll Model
Arguments between my wife and I are rare. During our over 5 years of wedded bliss, we have been upset with each other….like…..maybe 3 times.
1 time resulting in me leaving for 2 days. I wasn’t told to leave….I was just scared to come back.
That was our 1st argument.
The next 2 resulted in her attempting to not talk to me.
I say attempting because as she was giving me her best silent treatment, I was following her relentlessly around the house saying-
“Are you ready to talk to me yet….how about now…..am I getting warmer….how about now?”
She eventually broke and gave in.
Today was #4.
What caused it?
A post on Facebook.
She was scrolling through her page feed thingie (I haven’t been on “the book” in over a year) as I sat next to her entrenched in solving “pi”.
You know, Wikipedia tells me-
Being an irrational number, π cannot be expressed exactly as a common fraction. Consequently its decimal representation never ends and never settles into a permanent repeating pattern. The digits appear to be randomly distributed although no proof of this has yet been discovered. Also, π is a transcendental number – a number that is not the root of any nonzero polynomial having rational coefficients. This transcendence of π implies that it is impossible to solve the ancient challenge of squaring the circle with a compass and straight-edge.
I’m calling shenanigans. I’m determined to solve it,
But that’s another story.
The post she showed me was this-
I immediately put my #2 pencil back into my pocket protector and said,
“There is no great debate. It’s A.”
Her reply,
“No…it’s B.”
We shouted the first 2 letters of the alphabet back and forth at each other, thereby contributing to the great debate.
I am now sitting in time out….in the lavatory.
I have changed my life altering scientific experiment.
Instead of having my pi and solving it too….
I am conducting an experiment on the pros and cons of
Roll model A vs. Roll model B
You see me rollin’
Changin’
Setting the paper right
To keep ya from ridin dirty
Solving the worlds problems….
That’s how I roll.
Waiting 4 Monday
I was asked to participate in a post on a blog other than mine.
C.K. Hope asked me. Her blog is called daisiesfromdust
I’m not going to be on her blog. Although you should check it out cuz…it’s Awesome (with a capital A)
She also writes and contributes on another blog with 2 other bloggers. That blog is called runningonsober.
That’s the blog I will be on. It is Awesome with a capital “A” as well.
The post is called “Life in 6 Songs”, each Monday 2 different bloggers are featured. It is a great way to hear a side of the person you read that you might not normally get to see….or hear….whatev…
The premise is to chronicle your life in only 6 songs.
I’m a music guy and was excited to participate.
I had about a month to prepare.
I turned in my contribution after 48 hours…..and have had to wait for it to come out.
Monday is the day.
Mark your calendar. Set an alarm. Kick the rooster. Whatever you have to do to remember.
Monday.
You get to hear my life set to music…and read what each song represents…
It like the best of both worlds.
To The Z
Kids and money.
If you have one, you don’t have the other.
But…
If you are lucky a step parent as I am, then you are raising a step child that is old enough to have a job that allows him to earn his own money.
Unfortunately,
Just because he has a job that doesn’t mean he ever has any money.
He has stuff and things that he has to have.
-a obnoxious stereo for his truck
-ridiculously sized speakers for said stereo
-enough dr. Pepper to drown a small nation
-being big pimpin’ in front of his friends by buying them stuff because surprisingly…they don’t have any money.
He often comes to us for help.
He says-
“I need gas for my truck or I won’t be able to get to school or work.”
I say-
“Didn’t you just get paid yesterday?”
He says-
“……..”
Translation- he didn’t say anything.
I say-
“You know, son. Your mother and I work very hard and have a lot of things to pay for. Bills, food, car payments, mortgage, braces for your sister, vehicle maintenance, insurance and all kinds of unexpected expenses that pop up regularly. We have to budget our money to make it possible for we, as a family, to survive.”
He says,
“But you all make more than me. I can’t expect to be able to drive my truck AND put gas in it……”
I roll my eyes and say,
“If you are having gas problems….I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems but your gas ain’t one.”
Mosh Potatoes
Marriages are kept strong by the things couples are willing to do together.
That’s the meat of a relationship.
That’s not a stat from anywhere…I base that on my own marriage because of the things I am willing to do with my wife.
Such as-
-Going to health food stores for hours on end checking ingredients on every box in every aisle to see if she can eat it or not. Her favorite Valentines Day gift was when we drove over 100 miles to visit a grocery store that we don’t have access to in our one horse town.
And
-attending AA functions with her even though I stopped attending over a year ago.
We just enjoy spending time together.
What good is the meat of the relationship without the potatoes?
The time has come to visit the other side of the plate.
I have asked her to join me to an event that I wish to attend.
It is about 3 months away….which gives her plenty of time to mentally prepare herself.
I am excited to introduce her to a side of me she has only heard about through myths and legends.
The live concert experience.
I’m quite giddy about it.
It has been over 7 years since I have seen a live show.
Especially, since we will be seeing one of my favorite bands.
SEVENDUST
Loud, bruising, in your face music, so aggressive it’s makes you wanna slap yo momma!
I have been showing her various live videos of them.
I think….she thinks…I am going to throw her into the mosh pit to prove her love for me.
I mean….she could take it.
Under the sweet dainty demeanor she has at home is a pitbull that takes no crap.
Alas….
There may not be a mosh pit.
They are performing an acoustic show. 2 sets at a venue up the road from us.
Who knows….maybe a slow jam mosh pit is possible…
Anyhoo…
If you are not familiar with the greatness of SEVENDUST here are 2 clips from them.
1 being moshy
“Praise”
And the other non moshy
Tasty.
Gel-Oh
I cashed the “midget porn” check today.
Ohh the shame I felt…..
Not really.
I have no shame.
I drove into the drive through slot, put the check and my ID into the cylinder and sent it to the teller.
I watched as she opened it, pulled out the slip of paper, checked the name on the ID along with the name on the check…
And then…
She glanced at the for line.
Apparently, the words midget porn are dirty.
I saw her grab anti bacterial gel and generously lube her hands before and after handling.
Then sent my my cash back through the slot.
I’m guessing I just made some sort of watch list.
The naked truth is…it’s probably a short list.
A naked….short….dirty….list.
For The Money
Making ends meet is maddening.
Mustering the motivation to make more money to make ends meet means less mulling and more meandering…..man
Or something like that.
I pick up a few side jobs from time to time to help keep the lights on and such.
On one of these jobs I was payed by check.
The check is from a non handy friend of mine.
I do the do’s that his honey would prefer him to do….but he can’t do, so he has me do.
I will do the do….honey.
He’s not handy…but he’s funny.
Always check the “for line”
Midget porn was not the side job I was hired for.
I was hired to fix a few leaky faucets……
Not those kinds of faucets…..
I was in their shower, wrench in hand….
Uggh never mind!!
All I know, is I better not get short changed when I cash that check.>
The Celibate Toast
I need to invest in an online lip reading class because It has become quite obvious that I suck at being hearing impaired.
Case and point is as follows….
CASE
Whilst I was preparing the evenings gourmet meal I became embroiled in a quandary.
My wife has a list of various ingredients she does not partake in.
During the process of cheffing it up I often need her assistance in what to use.
This particular time, she happened to be on the phone with one of her friends yapping it up about make up, fashion, shoes or possibly NASCAR when I witnessed her looking into the fridge for something to add to my 5 star meal.
To speed the process up, I asked what she was looking for.
I swear on the bumper of Dale Earnhardt’s Jr. Daytona 500 car that she mouthed the words-
“Celibate toast.”
I paused…made my huh face
and said,
“What the hell is celibate toast?”
POINT
She makes her version of the huh face while she is on the phone
(multitasking is much more her thing than mine)
and pulled out a jar of what she was looking for.
I still don’t know what celibate toast is but I bet it comes with it’s own jam>
Mending The Gap
Tastes in music change with each generation.
Parents dislike what their children listen to.
It just is what it is.
I have a strong dislike for the millennial generation being exposed to the hard rock music of my beloved ’80’s.
It’s not the exposure that I am in dislike of….
It’s the Broadway musical/television high school musical versions of the songs a la “Glee” and “Rock Of Ages”
AC/DC is not to he enjoyed with “jazz hands”.
Or with a beautiful voice where all the lyrics are clearly understood.
The Highway To Hell was not paved by a choreographed group of teens with straight white teeth and v neck fitted t shirts.
It was in fact, paved by perverted, raspy voiced, unclean, guitar wielding, torn to shreds jean wearing, bang your head to the wall, sweat slinging, tattooed punks.
To try to polish it up with melodies, dance ensembles, deodorant, matching outfits and designer shoes is quit frankly a disservice and a slap in the face to an entire generation.
Needless to say…..
I was quite upset when my stepdaughter came out of her room announcing that she was listening to the Rock of Ages station on Pandora.
She was singing all the lyrics correctly and had her hands waving in the air as if she was at a “Revival For Jesus” (can I get an amen…).
I promptly scolded her and showed the proper use of hands for the music.
Yeah…I showed her.
Tonight, she comes out of her room and shows me what song is on her Pandora, gives me the metal sign and starts signing it with her head bobbing.
Closing the gap…one child at a time.
Good2begone 