Man Up


Not sure if CNN and NASA believe people in general just dont know the definition of words they use in their breaking news stories

OR

if they just decided to dumb it down just to reiterate their beliefs.

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Just to make sure I ain’t dumb,  I looked up the definition….

un·manned
adjective

not having or needing a crew or staff.
“an unmanned space flight”

synonyms:automatic, computerized, remote-controlled, robotic
“an unmanned spacecraft”

One small misstep for man……one giant setback for robot kind.

Duh

Wolf Brand Chillin’


While the husband is away…the wife will arm herself in case of an apocalypse.

I have been working overnights…..ummm…working,

which leaves my wife and daughter at home by themselves until dawn.

I took the precautions of having our wolf inside for protection…just in case.

Normally when she is inside, she patrols each room and won’t relax until she knows everyone and everything is where it should be.

We live in a safe neighborhood, but, as crazy as the world has gotten, you just never know.

A few nights ago, she called me at a weird hour to tell me she had the guns loaded and had to check the house because she heard something. Everything turned out to be fine. She just wanted to inform me that she got spooked and doesn’t like me working nights.

I said,

“What happened? Did Mischa (our wolf) wake you up and alert you and that’s why you decided to get the guns?”

Her reply was sent by text message-

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A wolf in sleeps clothing.

UGGGH!

Figures Of 8


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I can’t speak for anyone else…..

Mainly because sticking my arm up the backside of a dummy to make him speak has never been in my repertoire.

I did have a minor league stint for a triple A voice throwing club but a vocal cord injury ended my shot at making the big leagues.

Tisk tisk

This isn’t about my shattered dreams of ventriloquism.

It is about the shining reality of who I am today.

8 years ago, on October 13, 2006, I started anew.

I didn’t want to start anew.

I wanted to do what I had always done.

But…

I was given a choice by a judge.

Get sober and stay sober for 5 years or go to prison for 2-20.

I didn’t want to stay or get sober, but prison was not a very enticing alternative.

So, I chose to do what I didn’t want to do in order to avoid what I knew I would get if I didn’t.

And here I am.

8 years beyond that date.

For me….

Life works today.

All because a judge gave this dummy a chance.

The Night Shift With Tiler Swift


My work days have become work nights….

And not just your regular, run of the mill nights. I’m talking all nighters.

Since last Sunday I have been making the dough by remodeling a pizza chain….which shall remain nameless.

I’m not a fan of working nights, but they apparently have to stay open during their regular business hours to be able to keep their dough going out the door.

They kneed their dough to sell to keep making the dough for business.

(See what I did there?)

Anyway….

The way the Domino’s fell I get to be the one to run the show.

Work starts at 10 pm. And rolls all the way through until 8am.

What do they want done?

Remodel the front of the store and update the back of the store with a viewing window for the art of pizza making and subway tile for their prep area.

I am swiftly becoming quite the tile God.

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Therefore, for the purpose of this job I will dub myself….

“Tiler Swift”

The hours are terrible. I haven’t pulled a full week of all nighters in years.

If I still had bad hair, a few bags of Columbian wonder dust, cheap beer and hammer pants I would swear I was back in the early nineties.

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But….

I have no hair and have been off the dust and Keystone for years.

I do wear pants and have a hammer, though.

So I guess it all evens out.

Roughly 2 more weeks to go…

Time to shake it off and get back to work.

As we say in the business….it’s hammer time.

AT AT Attaboy


Browsing the major news sites is a thing for me.

I used to read the articles that followed headlines……

But the headlines are depressing enough.

Until now.

The mobile site for USAToday had this photo along with the headline that is under it.

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George Lucas is coming out of retirement to head the fight against Ebola?

Now we know how the empire will strike back.

Let’s hope Jar Jar Binks is not on his list of advisors.

Yin Yang Bang Bang


Just like the old saying goes-

When the wife is away, the husband will redecorate.

No….that’s not it.

Maybe it’s this one-

A happy wife needs a happy home and to make the home happy the husband needs to redecorate.

I don’t know what it is…..

What I do know, is my wife is gone for the weekend. I’m taking that time to change some stuff.

Without authorization or supervision.

I can’t speak for any other husbands…I can barely stand up for myself….but I usually have a quite extensive list of “honey do’s”.

Being a tradesman in the remodeling and construction business makes that list even longer.

Why?

Because being infected with that talent and skill set means that this question will always come up from the other wearer of the ring-

“How come you always have time to make everybody else’s homes look great but ours hasn’t changed?”

The answer I keep to myself is-

“Because they pay me.”

Notice I keep that to myself. I may be a smart ass….but I am not dumb.

Here is our front room.

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It hasn’t been changed since before we got hitched, over 5 years ago.

As I said, she is away for the weekend. My stepson is staying at his Dad’s for a while and my stepdaughter was doing her drill team duties for Friday night football and wouldn’t be back until almost 3 in the morning.

Instead of taking the opportunity to sit around in my underwear all night replaying the “Risky Business” scene all night,

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“Just take those old records off the shelf….”

I decided to reap some havoc and dally with the color scheme of the main room.

It was time to-

“Add some fab to the drab”

As any decorator knows, the colors don’t really matter….It’s the name of the colors that do the talking.

I decided to pick out names that spoke to each of my sides…my yin and yang.

My masculine side chose “antique tin” for use on the accent wall.

My anti masculine side chose “French silk” for the main color of the room.

And what do ya know….

YIN YANG BANG BANG

By 2 am, it looked like this-

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(Chihuahua is real…not for decorative purposes)

Just like the old saying goes-

One small step to make the wife happy.

One giant leap for husband kind.

G To The On


I have been the past participle of go (gone) for quite some time.

It has been good……

Coincidentally, those statements sum up the name of the blog….in a non word crime kind of way.

I initially wanted to call the blog-

Good2bethepastparticleofgo….but it took way too many backspaces and autocorrect deletions to get it done without blowing out a brain vein.

To avoid unnecessary visits to the neurologist I went with gone.

Regardless of how the blog came to be….dust has begun to settle on the homepage.

I guess I have been waiting on Lassie to come by to tell me that my blog has fallen into a well and needs help.

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Well…

I have a small version of Lassie as a pet, but she is old….blind in one eye, going blind in the other, has 1bum leg and is more concerned with licking the floor than giving a damn about anything else.

So that’s probably not it.

A day became two, which ran into a week, which rolled in another.

Gone.

I have no idea where the time went (irregular simple of go).

During my time away from this post office, I have been constructing.

Upper decks-

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Lower decks-

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The decks have been stacked against me.

In my off time, instead of blogging, I sit on the sofa and stare at the walls.

Every once in a while, my wife will sit next to me and wipe the drool off my chin.

Simply irregular past participally….

Gone.

Instead of going farther gone I’m gonna get a grip and get going on getting the gears grinding and get gooder at being good2begone.

Gracias.

This post was brought to you in part by the letter”g”……

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And a rooster playing tag with a dog.